:: book review - Someone Special ::

it took me more than three weeks to finish the piece that OH bought for me.

Someone Special by Sheila O'Flanagan



it is indeed a beautiful composed novel, brewed with anger, frustrations, love and affection. it renders the complexity of a family life, career and love. how people view the same thing differently, that eventually draws everyone far apart.

this piece has made me flipping thru the pages during wee hours, and office too. don't have the time to spare at nights as the two boys need the mommy and mommy needs rest too.

nevertheless, this piece is very refreshing.

highly recommended.

:: shallow! ::

tired. lethargic. exhausted. assimilated with loneliness. excellent recipe to depression.

the feeling of 'giving up' hits the piano keys once in a while. but the blow of saxophone on the other room wakes me up.

does he feel the same?

updating and reading status in fb - am addicted. but there's one simple comment that i take really seriously. what with suggesting your OH looking for a brand new wife when abroad. nak jek aku lempang², terajang² orang nih. ko hengat semua bini suka kena tinggal? ko hengat, senang kena tinggal? sorry, aku tanak lempang. aku tanak terajang. aku nak tripped him off masa tengah jalan depan orang ramai. pastu aku leh gelak guling².

heylo!! lelaki².. is that the only thing in your mind? what a shame. shallow!

:: Rejab ::

Belum terlewat untuk kongsi ilmu ini yang saya copy paste dr blog seorang hamba Allah hasil carian google.


Sabda Nabi s.a.w.: Hendaklah kamu memuliakan bulan Rejab,nescaya Allah muliakan kamu dengan seribu kemuliaan di hari kiamat.

Sabda Nabi s.a.w.:
Bulan Rejab Bulan Allah, Bulan Sya'aban bulanku & bulan Ramadhan bulan umatku.

Kemuliaan Rejab dengan malam ISRAK MIKRAJnya, Sya'aban dengan malam NISFUnya Ramadhan dengan LAILATUL-QADARnya.

Malam awal Rejab mustajab do'anya.(Dalam Kitab Raudhoh Iman Nawawi)

* Puasa sehari pada bulan Rejab mendapat syurga tertinggi (Firdaus).

* Puasa dua hari dilipatgandakan pahalanya.

* Puasa tiga hari pada bulan Rejab dijadikan parit yang panjang, yang menghalangkan dia keneraka (panjangnya setahun perjalanan).

* Puasa empat hari pada bulan Rejab diafiatkan daripada bala dan daripada penyakit yang besar-besar dan daripada fitnah Dajal di hari kiamat.

* Puasa lima hari pada bulan Rejab, aman daripada azab kubur.

* Puasa enam hari pada bulan Rejab, keluar kubur bercahaya muka.

* Puasa tujuh hari pada bulan Rejab, ditutup daripada tujuh pintu neraka.

* Puasa lapan hari pada bulan Rejab, dibuka baginya lapan pintu syurga.

* Puasa sembilan hari pada bulan Rejab keluar dari kuburnya lalu, MENGUCAP DUA KALIMAH SHAHADAH tidak ditolak dia masuk syurga.

* Puasa 10 hari pada bulan Rejab Allah jadikan baginya hamparan perhentian di Titi Sirotolmustaqim pada tiap-tiap satu batu di hari kiamat.

* Puasa 16 belas hari pada bulan Rejab akan dapat melihat wajah Allah di dalam syurga dan orang yang pertama menziarahi Allah di dalam syurga.

* Puasa 19 belas hari pada bulan Rejab, dibina baginya sebuah mahligai di hadapan mahligai Nabi Allah Ibrahim a.s dan Nabi Allah Adam a.s.

* Puasa 20 hari pada bulan Rejab, diampunkan segala dosanya yang telah lalu. Maka mulailah beramal barang yang tinggi daripada umurnya (pembaharuan umur).

Berkata Saidina Ali:

* Puasa Rejab 13 hari seperti puasa tiga ribu tahun.
* Puasa Rejab 14 hari seperti puasa sepuluh ribu tahun.
* Puasa Rejab 15 hari seperti puasa seratus ribu tahun.

Kelebihan bulan Rejab dari segala bulan seperti kelebihan Qur'an atas segala Qalam.

Puasa sehari pada bulan Rejab seperti puasa empat puluh tahun dan diberi minum air dari Syurga.

Puasa 10 hari pada bulan Rejab dijadikan dua sayap, terbang seperti kilat di atas Titi Sirotalmustaqim di hari kiamat.

Puasa sehari pada bulan Rejab seperti mengerjakan ibadat seumurnya.

Puasa pada awal Rejab, pertengahannya dan akhirnya seperti puasa sebulan pahalanya.

Bulan Rejab Syahrullah (Bulan Allah), diampunkan dosa orang-orang yang meminta ampun dan bertaubat kepada Allah. Puasa Bulan Rejab wajib baginya:

* Diampunkan dosanya yang lalu.
* Dipeliharakan Allah umurnya yang tinggal.
* Terlepas dari dahaga di hari kiamat.

Orang yang lemah dari berpuasa pada bulan Rejab hendaklah bersedekah tiap-tiap hari sekurang-kurangnya sebiji roti. Sasiapa bersedekah pada
bulan Rejab seperti sedekah seribu dinar, dituliskan kepadanya tiap sehelai bulu ruma jasadnya seribu kebajikan, diangkat seribu darjat, dihapus seribu
kejahatan.

Tiap sehari puasanya pada bulan Rejab dan sedekahnya pada bulan Rejab seperti ibadat seribu Haji dan Umrah. Dibina mahligai seribu bilik dan seribu bidadari, lebih cantik daripada atahari seribu kali.

Bulan Rejab bulan Allah. Bersedekah pada bulan Rejab dijauhkan Allah daripada api neraka kerana kemuliaan bulan Rejab, Bulan Allah. Allah jadikan di belakang bukit Jabal Qar bumi, yang putih yang penuh dengan
Malaikat dengan panji-panji berhimpun pada tiap malam Rejab meminta ampun oleh mereka kepada Umat Muhammad.

Allah menjawap: Telah aku ampunkan mereka! Barangsiapa meminta ampun (bersitighfar) kepada Allah pagi dan petang 70 kali atau 100 kali, pada bulan
Rejab di haramkan tubuhnya daripada api neraka.

Sesiapa berpuasa sebulan pada bulan Rejab, Allah berseru kepadanya:
"Telah wajib hakmu atasKu, maka mintalah olehmu kepadaKu. Demi ketinggian Ku dankebesaranKu, tidak Aku tolakkan hajatmu. Engkau adalah jiranKu dibawah `arasyKu, engkau kekasihKu daripada segala makhlukKu,
engkau terlebih mulia atasKu. Sukakanlah kamu, tiada dinding antaraKu dan antarakau".(dari kitabRaudatul Ifkar)

Puasa pada 27 bulan Rejab seperti berpuasa enam puluh bulan pahalanya. Jika disertai dengan sedekah seperti puasa seribu tahun, kerana kebesaran hari ISRAK-MIKRAJ.

Siapa melapangkan kekeruhan, kesusahan, kesempitan orang mukmin pada bulan Rejab dikurniakan Allah kepadanya Mahligai yang besar di dalam syurga Firdaus.

Siapa berpuasa tiga hari pada bulan Rejab dan beribadat pada malamnya(berjaga), seperti dia berpuasa tiga ribu tahun.

Diampunkan baginya 70 dosa-dosa besar tiap-tiap hari, ditunaikan 70 hajat ketika keluar nyawanya daripada jasadnya, 70 hajatnya di dalam kuburnya, 70 hajat ketika terbang suhuf (ketika Qur'an dinaik ketika berlalu di Titi Sirotalmustaqim.

Rejab ertinya ta'zim (kebesaran, keagungan, kemuliaan). (Rahmat, pemurah, kebajikan). Kerana kebesaran, keagungan dan kemuliaan bulan Rejab itu
maka Allah limpahkan rahmatNya, kemurahanNya dan terhadap hamba-hambaNya yang beriman dan beramal solih pada bulan Rejab, dengan berpuasa pada siangnya dan beribadat pada malamnya.

Demikianlah peri keistimewaannya keagungan bulan Rejab itu yang dinamakan dengan BULAN ALLAH.

REJAB bulan menabur benih.
SYA'ABAN bulan menyiram tanaman.
RAMADHAN bulan menuai.

REJAB menyucikan badannya.
SYA'ABAN menyucikan hatinya.
RAMADHAN menyucikan rohnya.

REJAB bulan taubat.
SYA'ABAN bulan muhibbah.
RAMADHAN dilimpahi pahala amalan.

:: tentang hidup ::

woke up early in the morning. glanced at the watch, have ample time for good long hot shower before subuh. the smell of juicy peach bath gel, filled up the small cubicle room. water dropped like rain, showering from head to toe, washing away all the tiredness, leaving the body fresh and awake.

stepped up from the room, put on fresh t's and comfy lazy pants. 'telekung' came next, and there i sat, zikr while waiting for subuh.

azn took place. the voice is so clear and makes the air feel beautiful and peace.

"Allahuakbar". his voice, not trembling, but precise and clear. takbir. jemaah together. beautiful feeling.

every steps are done faithfully and carefully.

"may we be granted with nothing but the best here and thereafter world. amin"

kissed his hand, and a reply of a kiss in forehead. a routine of us, ever since he said, "aku terima nikahnya."

the boys are still asleep. ran down to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. he's off to work in few mins time. boiled the water, toast the bread. pans on stove, eggs turned to fluffy omelette. aroma of coffee filled up the air.

spread the butter and his favourite strawberry conserve. it is a simple breakfast, but prepared with affection and love.

"have a good day at work"

"take good care, you and boys"

of salam, and forehead kiss, he's off to work..

PANG. lempang satu.

mimpi. khayal. impian. dang!

life nowadays kalau jadi macam tuh are too good to be true.

solat subuh dalam keadaan tergesa-gesa. mengejar nikmat dunia. apa kes bekalan mati? takut rasa.

never once in 6 years of marriage, that we could sit together, calmly having breakfast prepared by me together at home before heading off to work. how nice life would be, if that could be a routine? but thinking about it, does SAHM get the chance to do so? or is it the lifestyle that we get ourselves into won't permit this to take place?

syukur, we still got the chance to jemaah when he's still around. seems simple how 5-10 mins of solat jemaah can build the nation. the one way that would crack both hubby and wife's ego, no matter how they quarrel mins before.

never forget the simple 'salam and forehead kiss'.. for that simple, little things that makes the heart grows fonder when aborad.

agaknya la, sampai bila kita nih nak terkejar²kan dunia? sedangkan setiap masa, setiap saat kita diperhati and when the times come, kita akan kena audit?

ps : aku dalam mode rindu. sambil mentarbiyyahkan diri. sambil terkenang my chats with BFF sal. (ye, hoye, hoye jugak, tapi bab agama jangan dipandang enteng!)

:: the simple, little things ::

i love to read posts/updates in facebook. especially that relates to the 'rindu2' thing. :P not being jiwang, but rather, cheerishing the simple, little things in life that passed by unnoticed, but will be greatly missed once staying abroad.

malaysia is beautiful, despite the heavy traffic and poor customer services. (life will indeed be more beautiful if we could improve on these).

after staying in sydney for a year and the prospect of staying abroad again has made me become more appreaciative of the little things i have in malaysia, currently. can't deny, staying abroad is a beautiful experiences, but deep down inside, i still miss my childhood town aka taman melawati once i board the plane.

the easily, broad and various choices of breakfast from fragrant nasi lemak, piping hot roti planta, healthy nasi kerabu, halal McD brekkie, owh... it's heaven and definitely be missed bila duduk jauh di perantauan. masa ni la baru nak teringat, nikmatnya minum teh tarik - black tea with condensed milk, pulled high, with lotsa bubbles. bukannya minum english tea ngan fresh milk that to me taste yucky! :P











not to mention, masa hari tgh panas, dapat minum cendol (kat melawati ada satu port yang sangat best!), air kelapa muda, air sirap bandung (kena plak yang ada ais krim soda.. walauweh), cincau, air jagung, ABC, pergh,.. endless..













kalau time petang2 pulak, teringat kat pisang goreng yang garing2 cicah ngan sambal kicap (learned this masa study di johor, and there is a gerai in wangsa maju near NZ yang samal kicap dia not bad at all), cempedak goreng (wan's cempedak), sambil minum nescafe panas borak2. sentimental oo.







belum lagi masuk bila time buah-buah bermaharajalela. bau durian di sana sini, buah manggis melambak-lambak (u still can get manggis in syd for example, but gila mahal. sebiji was like a dollar or so = RM3.00), buah rambutan.. (ayin, jangan nangis baca entry aku. get someone to deep freeze the fruits for you!)







kalau dok mesia, senang gila nak dapat fast food halal. kat hujung jari jek dah bley suruh deliver. teringin nak makan kfc, bleh jek shoot gie bandar melawati. takdenye nak travel sampai nak kat sejam gie campbell town nak makan.. nak makan McD? just a drive away from andaman ukay. nak makan A&W? owh, sudah ada di JJ setiawangsa. best!

apa lagi yang korang miss? kangkung goreng belacan? kailan ikan masin? (aku sure telah berjaya membuat air liur mereka yang terlibat mengalir.. ampun yah)





dan yang paling penting. kat mesia, tak yah risau time solat. kita diallocate waktu dan tempat yang penuh selesa untuk solat. kalau kat oversea, mungkin kat file room, mungkin tepi tangga, etc untuk kita tunaikan rukun islam yang kedua. waktu solat from day to day basis pun tak banyak lari.tak perlu risau nak bawak jaket ke dak, sebab weather pretty much adaptable (not predictable).





senang cakap malaysia nih best. cuma kalau dapat improve 1-2 factor lagi tuh, surely akan buat malaysia lagi best.

hmm.. apa kes aku taip pasal nih hari nih pun aku tatau. the idea just came in.. :D

ps - utk yang jauh di astrakhan, masak nasi goreng kena pakai minyak sayang..

ps no. 2 - gambar adalah diambil dari google search image.

ps no. 3 - this entry is the edited version. ada gambar.

:D

:: the selfish me ~ sha ::

i envy linie for being able to say things out freely in her entries. your heartbreaks, your frustration. but i just simply can't be like you, being firm and fairly straight when dashing out the gloomy emotions.

i do dish out my sadness, but only to my OH. marriage has seriously turned me 180degrees. aishah is no more a frank person, but rather, being reserving most, if not all the time. perhaps, over the time, being married to OH, has made me assimilated to his quality of keeping things to myself when being hurt or so. cuz portray me to have great sense of humor, teasing the yonger ones with stupid jokes, but the true thing cuz, i'm a great actress in my own league.

i was being portrayed as somebody who is selfish, macam Machiavelli yang menggunakan orang untuk kepentingan diri sendiri. i was said to have been using my mom to look after my kids when i was 7 months pregnant with arwah amin, when OH was away in ukraine. maidless at that time, i was single handed mananging my kids, and yes, i do ask help from my mom for i think she's the only one who can help me out temporarily. but boy, how wrong that i've been when that was the response that i get after a week or so staying at mom's. i was unsure whether that opinion originated from my mom or not. i have confronted her, asking whether it's true or not, but i never had a straight answer. perhaps, mom is trying to be neutral to everyone. she got so many hearts to look after, not mine alone. and yeah, till now, the comment is still haunting me, and made me to not involve her actively in looking after my kids anymore. i still park my kids at mom's, and will continue to do so, until the kids are big enough and managable with only a helper. am crossing my fingers that the kids won't be considered as bugs and pests to people's life.

after almost a year, i again faced the same situation. but this time around, i was said as a person who loves to barge in when things are executed. i was being said that i never wanted to get involve during the planning stage but rather commented when things dah jadi. i was said, using my kids as reasons for not getting my hand dirty, when the so called real fact was my maid was looking after my kids. people said that, my life should be easier when i have a helper looking after my kids, who does from anything to everything, from makan, to mandi to basuh berak anak, bla bla. i know u're starting to get confuse, but i don't want to understand either, for i just want to detoxify myself from this beautiful comments that simply make my eyes open wider on who i am actually.

yes, i admit that i get my maids to do errands for me. but only ERRANDS. i may not seem to do houseworks as people perceived, but what i give to my kids are affection, love and care, which is pure and true that is not reachable through any other people's heart. errands in my maid's job description would be - wash their poo poo, feed them up with the food that i cook mostly, and give them bath (occasionally, especially during weekend/hols, i'll do it all by myself), and others that need minimal affection. i read to my kids, i put my kids to sleep, i am the walking sleeper mixing up formulas at wee hours for my kids. i definitely don't tell you this, and you will definitely can't see this, for every mother is doing that. it's very unfair for saying life is much easier for i have a maid, and i definitely have some spare time to get involve with things. the true fact for that person to know, my sons don't have any other mother to look after them during the said time that i'm supposed to help with chores, but the house definitely have a bunch of people that can definitely lend a hand to help things out.

it's hard to be me. it's hard because nothing i do will satisfy either A or B. perhaps C as well. and maybe to Z too. i don't tell you what knickers and bras that i wear everyday - a simple way to say i don't tell you what problems that i'm facing daily, that affects my life. i crunched the bits to myself. so please spare the comments till you get the fact.

it's definitely time to move on. i no longer have nights at mom's, i'm residing at my humble home sweet home with my lovely kids, though OH is not around. it's tough, but definitely, 'ada manis yang tersembunyi.' alhamdulillah, life has been smooth. though i'm not well for the past 3-4 days, but afiq and adib behave so well, that makes all the house chores a breeze. i believe i don't bother anyone anymore. i'm happy and contented, and insya Allah if everything falls according to plan, i'll hang my duty coat as a government servant for a while to be with my OH in a far, faraway land, tagging along my kids with me. perhaps, absence will makes the heart grows fonder.

pardon me for my gloomy entry. maaf jika insan yang dimaksudkan terasa dengan entry ini. hidup penuh dugaan. hidup nih macam roda. what goes around comes around. wait till u be in my shoes, and perhaps then you will understand how my life has been so difficult with people like u. u may say that i'm a scared cow for not being able to say things face to face. i am. i'm just a complete shit who doesn't know her place and always have her nose around things. sorry for having to encounter a person like me in your life.

the selfish me,
sha

:: broadband users, is it always that bad?? ::

i signed up to maxis broadband recently, to make it easier for me to log into the net whenever i feel like it. but much to dissapointment, it didn't work out well, especially at nights when i need it the most. (time difference between KL and Russia is 5 hrs, so we skyped at night).

brought the lappie to office together with the modem, just to test the line, and it performs better. was it my place, or was it peak at the moment i logged in? feels like returning it back, but baru terperasan that i need to pay rm200 as handling fee sebab pakai less than a year, more than tral period. dang!

okay la readers.nanti bila free sket i'll tepek the pics from bro's wedding.

take care all. salam.