Sunday, September 6, 2009

:: self updates ::

it has been 2 days since i was discharged. the bleeding has so far nowhere to be seen, but the nausea is getting worst, that kinda reminds me during my days carrying afiq and adib in my 'small' tummy. it's a bit lesser compared to my first experience but definitely worst than the time when i carried late Amin.

this is not my first experience going through threaten abortion. second to be exact. but during my first time, i was pampered like a princess. i was on complete bed rest, with food being sent to me. that was then.

now? complete bed rest is too good to be true. i have two kids to look after, while OH declined my request to be back a week earlier to assist me out. mom and dad is busy at office, tho they still helped me a lot. bro got a business to look after and in laws are no where to be seen. kids are getting more mischievous. belum masuk cerita menangis minta dukung, which i definitely can't do! and i am totally hurt by OH decision for not coming back, just because he didn't want to return to russia a week earlier as planned. but still, u've got AL to take, but guess it's never an option. no point bargaining when he has made up his mind. guess ALLAH dah tunjuk, which path shall i take. i don't think following him to russia is a good decision.

i still cook, but pretty lightly. hari ni, tak masak. suruh maid aje masak. supply is running low. and perhaps kalau kering sangat nanti, kena jugakla drive pegi cari grocery. the dr will definitely jegil mata if she knew about this. but what am i supposed to do?

pretty much, i feel very alone in managing myself. i need support not arguements. i need help both physical and spiritually. not just calls. nampak macam demanding kan? tapi rasanya, apalah sangat with the dugaan that pregnant wife goes through kan?

dahla readers. i dseriously don't have the mood to write. i write this pun because i know he'll read it. i have no other means. talking and discussing seems impossible, but i have to let the steam out kan>

by the way, after going through this, i firmly believe SAHM will not materialize in this near future.

11 comments:

ayin1911 said...

Capt,

Am Sorry.i didn't know.
U take care of urself ya.
Dugaan tuh. Sabar & Redha.

Jue Fauzi said...

do tell if you need a driver for your groceries k.I'll be at KL this weekend.Give me your email add by the way yeah.

nazihahkamaruddin said...

banyak2 bersabar sis.. dugaan menjadi seorang isteri dan ibu ni amat besar... tapi sha kena kuat demi anak dlm kandungan tu... jangan stress sangat..merbahaya.. biasalah pregnant woman mesti cepat sensitif.. ingan dimanjakan selalu... kalau boleh setiap saat nak suami di depan mata... tapi apakan daya... ingat.. amat jauh pun sbb tanggungjawab... semuanya untuk keluarga yang pastinya dia sangat sayangi...i'm sure amat tak boleh balik awal sbb urusan kerja.. bukan sengaja atau suka2.. of course kalau boleh dah lama dia terbang pulang menemui sha n anak2..ini semua Allah telah aturkan.. pasti ada hikmahNya..akak doakan sha di beri kekuatan.. ketabahan dan kesabaran dalam menghadapi saat yang sukar ini... insyaAllah tak lama lagi amat balik kan??...take care sis...

Dan Cinta Terbang Lagi said...

Dear Sha,
One of these lovely days
Lets lepak over coffee
probably after meeting me
you will realize you are far sejuta more luckier then some
what more me eh?
Life is so great that it offers
varieties to us all
Believe me,
not far from today
all the experience and sadness you are going tru today
will only make you a far better
and stronger person
which is good
Please take care of yourself
as baby is priority
worry about the rest, much later..

Kak Hani @ Somethin Light

bondaqeem said...

banyak2 bersabar.. akak dpt bayangkan mcmana u rasa.. tp kena gagahkan hati jua.. and i know u seorg yang sgt tabah dan Allah sayang kamu sebab itu diberikan dugaan ini..

take good care of urself.. semoga semuanya baik2 sajer!

Asiah Abd Jalil said...

Assalamualaikum! Betul-betul happy dan excited bila dapat tahu Kak Aishah pregnant lagi! Was the baby naturally conceived? Alhamdulillah, I guess your infertility problem has gone away.

Like me, sebelum kahwin lagi doctors have confirmed that I was infertile. Makan masa juga nak conceive first baby. Tapi lepas berjaya pregnant kali pertama, then tak berhenti-henti pula pregnant every year. I suffered threatened abortion quite a few times juga. Tapi Alhamdulillah, taklah sampai miscarriage. Agaknya the womb needs some time to adjust.

While following the doctor's advice to rest a lot really helps, tapi yang paling penting adalah menjaga emosi kita. Pregnant ladies are super duper extra sensitive, I am of no exception. I could understand what you are going through, with him in a far away land and two just-turned-two boys.

As for me, avoid any conversation that hurts, even though that means macam jadi isteri derhaka pulak. What's the point of talking if one doesn't listen, or the one does listen but doesn't react properly? Jaga emosi baik-baik, for the sake of you and your baby, walaupun nampak macam sangat selfish. After all, you have suffered the loss before, of course no one wants it to happen again.

Take good care, ya Kak Aishah! Wish that one day dapat jumpa... :-)

undomesticwifey said...

Aku rasa aku tau the feeling, suddenly rasa macam all alone. *sigh* Memang tak best.

BUT you've been stronger. You'll manage. Yakin ni!! :-) *pray hard*

Nietanozie said...

Akak sorang yang tabah...
Sabar & Redha....

Adnazthie said...

Salam sejahtera, semoga sentiasa tabah, cekal n positif terhadap semua yang berlaku. Pengalaman mendewasakan kita.

Saja nak menyibuk, klu upload gambar dalam blog ni, mesti bertambah ceria kehidupan berblogging TAPI jangan lupa yang aurat tetap aurat.

He he he jangan mare. Ceria selalu.

echan said...

rest.. and pray a lot..

insyaAllah dikurniakan yg terbaik dariNya..

aishah zaharin said...

ayin - thanx yin. a wish from thousands of miles really make my day!

jue - thank you so much! sangat2 appreciate your offers. insya Allah!

kak ghah - thanks sis for your advises. biasa le tuh, kekadang angin puting beliung datang. :)

kak hani - we should!

bonda aqeem - thanx sis!

asiah - syukur sangat dengan rezeki Allah bagi kali ini. alhamdulillah, my praises to Him. yep, baby ini DIY baby (naturally conceived). harapnya semua selamat this time round. hope to meet you too. we have lots in common and lots in differences too when it comes to opinion. surely boleh memanfaatkan both of us.

nard - thanx babe. mmg rasa lonely gila. tambah plak menanggung sesngsorang. adoi..

nietanozie - saya tidaklah setabah mana. cuma, pernah diuji dan harus lalu ujian itu. alhamdulillah, dengan izin tuhan, berjaya jugak, walaupun kekadang rasa teramat down.

adnazthie - sepanjang berblogging rasanya belum pernah saya post gambar tidak menutup aurat sebab suami sangat menjaga bab tuh. thanx for reminding anyway.

echan - yup sis. insya Allah, akan kujaga sebaiknya.