:: i haven't done enough ::

as informed in my previous entry, i have sent my maid off.. but i haven't shared with you all the after effect to my son, in particular adib hazim..

i admit, i always let my maid to hold adib, as afiq selalu merengek nak mommy.. it's my mistake to let him to be with the maid, though i never allowed any of them to have a night with the maids.. nights are always with mommy.. even before w'm pregnant again, i'll try my best to give bath to both of them as that is the quality time that i shared with my boys.. when they cried, i normally would take them to console, and i tried not to let the maid to take that role..

but still, i haven't done enough.. after the departure of my maid, adib turned to be so quiet.. so reserved.. he's not his usual self.. in the car, he normally jumped here and there making mommy membebel2, and i miss those moment.. but this morning, he sat quietly on my lap, watching the birds flying away as i showed them, and talked only a little.. kesian kan?? i feel so guilty!

a lesson to me, never allow the boys to be too attached to the maid.. no matter how good they are.. no matter how tired u are..

to my friends with maid and children, please don't allow your child to be too attached to them.. they will be affected emotionally when you dispose your maid.. sleep with your children, play with your children, feed them, care for them.. for i haven't done enough and have to face the consequences.. don't repeat my mistake and it's never too late to change for the sake of your children..

adib sayang, sorry for mommy have to dispose nenek.. nenek tak sihat.. it';s not that mommy wants to tear her off from you dib dib.. mommy only wants the best, only the best for you..

:: feeling unwell ::

feel like catching a flu.. my throat is sore, and started sneezing and coughing a lil' yesterday.. most probably infected by the boys who are now recovering from their longest cold ever.. they were down with flu and cold last thursday, and only yesterday (monday) they show a better health after kena jab ngan dr lim kat APSH.. get two rounds of nebulizer and two jabs each.. not forgetting kena sedut hidung as well.. sian the boys.. mommy kena on leave on dr's advise to look after the boys.. starting from yesterday, the boys are on puff every 3 hourly to elp them breath well..

i have just sent my maid off today.. deep down in my heart, i pity her though at times i am not satisfied with her quality of work.. she only brings home 1 month salary plus almost a month extra on courtesy basis (as she has sent off her 3 months salary earlier to her parents to finance the father's operation bills to avoid their land from being sold).. i mean, what can u do with two months salary? i'm very particular when it comes to the boys as i want to make sure they receive nothing but the best.. i have to send her off as she's not well, though she passed her FOMEMA test.. as mentioned in my previous entries, dr found out that she has an ovarian cyst measuring at 6.0 x 5.0 cm.. last saturday, i brought her for a follow up, the dr said the cyst didn't turn out cancerous (alhamdulillah), but she found out another problem - fibroid.. the dr siad, she believes that the fibroid is the culprit that caused her to bleed heavily during mensus.. gave her a referral letter and supplement supply for a month.. today is her last day as my maid, and she'll be off to bandung on a jet plane late morning.. she looked at my boys for a long time and weeped heavily.. i admit, eventhough the babies aren't yours, but if you have ben caring for someone for sucha long period, somehow rather you'll fall in love with them.. i have to stay back with my mommy's maid to look after the boys, while mom and youngest brother send her off to LCCT.. origially, hubby was supposed to be on leave, but then dad said he better reserved his leaves as he'll need the leaves a ot at the end of the year when i deliver our third (wow!)child.. :D

what else to share? owh, i received a news yesterday from my fellow staff that i need to attend my BTN from 14-18 aug in maran.. and i wonder how am i supposed to do so when at that time i'll not be in malaysia? i can shift my flight tickets and stuff, but hey, it will cost me almost 8-9K! adoi.. nampak gayanya, i have to forego la my BTN.. tension betul.. (even if i can go, i;m not happy with the dates either as i'll not be around on the day when my boys mark their first birthday!!!!!) huhuuhuhuuhu..

okay la guys.. ending up my entry today.. afiq and adib is still sleeping, so i'd better catch some shower and settle my unfinished business.. (alamak dah dgr sore diorang..) take good care.. salam!

:: tagged by puan masturrra ::

was tagged by mastura..

Kali Pertama naik Kapal Terbang
standard 2 or 3 pegi kuantan

Kali Pertama Pergi Overseas
standard 4 to medan, indonesia

Kali Pertama Dok jauh Ngan Keluarga.
1996 - was posted (huhu) to boarding school - sm sains selangor, cheras

Kali Pertama Merasakan Diri Gemuk
masa mengandungkan the boys.. gained 20 kg!

Kali Pertama Bekerja
year 2002 - as a trainee kat consultancy firm ngan suhaini nesa

Kali Pertama Merasakan Diri Cantik.
masa kawen.. haha.. sebab saya tak reti make up!

Kali Pertama Masuk Wad
err rasanya in 2005 - admitted sbb batuk berdarah.. dr takut cancer

so, i'd like to hand this tag over to :-
1. hubby (entah bila he'll do it - no offense honey!)
2. aweng
3. ija
4. dan sesapa yang rasa takde keje carik keje.. okays?

:: alhamdulillah, syukur.. ::

hubby dropped by at this office, informing me the good news.. alhamdulillah.. :D

a lil' shine today.. syukur..

:: in need of a good weekend ::

ups and downs are part and parcel of life.. these patches of life make us a better person, maturing the way of thinking and acts, as well making u appreciate what u have better..

hubby broke the bombshell news this morning on the probability of him to be transferred at the other side of the world for two years.. shocked? yes.. happy? no.. sad? no.. no feeling.. why? coz i have no say.. no matter how much i against nor for the motion.. i'm a still a victim of others who will continue to rule and dictate my own small territory of rumahtangga..

hubby said that if it's a yes go, then he'll be out after raya.. i'm not sure whether he'll be around for my second delivery..

frankly speaking, hubby and i didn't share the same notion on being apart.. he believes in making early sacrifices for a better future while, i on the other hand don't like the idea of gambling.. the outcome of early sacrifices may not turn out to be the way u want it to be.. guess that is one part of marriage that we both need to work on..

it has been a roller coaster ride for the past few weeks, and i feel so tired of it.. tears are shed.. hearts are hurt.. i need a good weekend.. (but then, i won't be having my saturday pun, sbb hubby ada tourney.. i just wish i could scream - enough la *hubby's company*.. stop stealing our family time..)

:: another boring weekend ::

i'm pretty bored today.. i knew my husband is having his sports weeks but i can't recall that this week is his bowling tourney.. awal2 pagi lagi aku dah kena gi umah mak bringing the boys along.. bosan betul.. dah ler berminggu2 my weekends are interrupted by unwanted incidents! well, anyway, i can't live waiting for him forever kan.. so i decided to bring the boys (crossing my fingers) out after they had their lunch later.. am thinking of going to OU, but arriving in OU in the noon is not a good idea.. tgk la camana.. i need to go and look for some lauk.. (sure aku gie beli kat supermarket, sbb kat supermarket ada labels, so i won't get messed up with different kind of fish and veges.. haha.. tak pass lagi weh..) i really need to get a pair of new sandal.. my old one has deteriorate pretty badly.. (for info, i'm a loyal shoe/sandal wearer).. and i need to get a lunch jar for my boys, as the big plan is coming up pretty soon.. need to find a handy but big enough jar to store 2 meals for two at least..

work in week ahead seems hectic.. will be having a seminar on monday and tuesday, and i'm due for PD on wednesday till friday.. but i'll still go to the office this monday to nego with my pengarah on the needs to attend.. if i have to go, then i need to find ways of going.. i don't think hubby will be freely available to take leave to send me to and fro pd.. most probably need to get my bro to send, or worst still i have to drive on my own.. aiyak.. manyak letih oo.. (i get tired so easily lately)

anyway, i had a late night yesterday.. thinking of my future ahead.. involving career.. i'm starting to think of doing 'something else' but i'm not sure whether i have the courage and support to do so.. with current life, i don't think i'm able to look after my children and teach them things that they need to know.. i have 3 choices - to continue working, to quit or to pursue pHd.. in an effort to become a so called systematic person, i had my matrix done with pros and cons for each options.. it turned out that pHd is the best option that i should take, but it will definitely has it draw backs..definitely, i'll have a wider choice in terms of career once i complete my pHd successfully..but then, everybody knows that pHd is a journey of unknown destination.. u may arrive at the destination safely and sound, u may have a rough journey, or u may not make it at all! my former superior has been encouraging me a lot to pursue, as he has managed to complete his pHd succesfully.. but i don't know whether i have the determination to do what am i supposed to do..

that's is all for now.. to my friend nard, congratulations on your new arrival! welcome to the 'sleep deprived society'.. hehe.. ;)

take care all.. zai jian!

:: and the baby is a baby .......... ? ::

just had my check up this morning.. alhamdulillah, everything is okay.. despite experiencing cramps here and there, that sometimes made me shed my tears.. afiq and adib as well as my mom and maid accompany me to the clinic, together with my brother aka driver.. :D

during ultrasound scannnng, the dr asked me whether i'd like to try normal birth this time.. i said, yeah (though sebenarnya belagak macho.. haha..) he later asked me, do u want to know the sex of the baby.. actually this is the part yang i tunggu2.. :D so, my firasat all this while has turned out WRONG! i'll be having another baby BOY! heheh.. i dn't rally mind, as stated bfore, each girl and boy ada pros dia.. told my hubby, and he said, well, we kinda having triplts! u could imagine the chaos after this at my place.. hehehehe.. mommy needs to take up futsal la gamaknya to join the league!

okay la all.. i'm on MC today anyway.. thinking of getting a new pair of sandal to replace my old one.. :D take care all.. bye!

owh by the way, i cooked lunch today.. spaghetti bologneise.. (lama mengidam)