:: unattended question ::

i left afiq to sleep with a question unattended.

mommy sendiri have no answer to that and mommy sendiri dah letih nak tanya. ntah la afiq. mommy sendiri tatau what should we expect in the near future.

* mode : hati kering

:: tazkirah ::

i read this from my friend's status;

The first duty of love is to listen

and she got it from tazkirah at IKIM.fm.

so, kalau kita tak dengar, maka kita tak cinta??

:: my daily routine ::

sejak beranak tiga nih, i don't know what time does my routine start.

assuming my routine starts at 5.30am, i started my day bf aidin, sambil ambil peluang lelap² manja. my alarm will tick off at 6.00am. lepas susukan aidin, normally i'll just wake up and have my shower. subuh, etc, terus pergi keja. masa tuh dah around 6.50am to 7.00am.

depending on traffic, and how fast i drive, i normally reach office at around 7.30-7.40am. so there goes work. bla bla bla bla. 3 hourly akan express bm, with each session lasted for 10mins. sejak aidin came in, i jarang betul balik lambat. normally 5.05 - 5.10pm, i dah punch out and rush balik, sebab aidin's feeding is at around 6.00pm.

sampai jek rumah, letak beg segala, normally, i'll be greeted by aidin's little cries asking for milk. will breastfeed him, and normally evening feeding takes a bit longer, especially if i puasa that day.

lepas feeding, i'll give hime a bath. and all that normally ends at around 7.00pm. if i fast on that day, akan tunggu maghrib dulu and buka puasa, lepas tuh baru maghrib and terus tunggu isyak. normally, i get to perform my maghrib at 8.00pm, after settling the kids, dan i akan terus tunggu isyak sebab kalau tak isyak dulu, alamatnya pukul 2-3 pagi baru i solat. that's is the ONLY me time that i get at home, beside shower and doing no. 2 of course.

after isyak, i'll gather all three boys to sleep. while breasfeeding aidin, i try to connect and bond with my other two kids. and off we doze to lala land.

bila malam, i'll wake up 5 times on average, (3 times if i'm lucky), mixing milk for the twin (yup, my twin masih bangun malam mintak susu) or the need to change the diapers for aidin as well as the twin. the twin sangat suka bukak pampers while sleeping, and i haven't start potty training them fully.

i know i'm under great pressure. i know i need to have my me time/time off. but with current schedule and so, i can't even find time to eat, that sometime, i just sleep with an empty stomach.

so tell me, am i stressed or am i stressed?

perhaps, i need more desserts and desserts..

:: of cupcakes and movie ::

last saturday, i brought my 2 lil kids to watch toy story 3. nasib baik, at the very last minute, my mom agreed to follow. kalau tak, agak haru biru jugak la. mana nak pegang anaknya, mana nak pegang pop corn dia, handbag mommy dia yang extra besar..

before i cerita what happened, lemme tell you something. my kids takut gelap. and adib takut bunyi kuat (which i totally forget!)

masa memula masuk cinema, they were kinda excited. ok. good sign. i sat in between the twin. so that senang nak monitor. gave each one of them a popcorn bag. :D

afiq nampak cute gila. dia pakai cap, sambil duduk peluk popcorn bag, while tengok the movie. i was so into afiq, that i terlupa nak intai how adib is doing.

i was expecting adib to enjoy the movie more than afiq, sebab dia suka tgk kartun, unlike afiq yang ada shorter focus span. after about 5-10 mins the show started, i gave adib a glance, and his eyes caught my eyes. muka dia dah cembeng² nak nangis. nampak jek mommy tengok dia, terus HUWAAAAAAAA! adehhhhh..

terus cepat² pick him up and put him on my lap. peluk adib to calm him down. he calm down a bit. and he ended up on my lap till the end of the movie. adoi. sekali-skala in between the movie, he still nangis. tengok cartoon pun ikut hujung mata jek, as he practically put his head on mommy's. (adib jiwa agak sensitif. tak bley cakap kuat² dengan dia, or he'll break into tears. and afiq sangat suka jerit kat adib, as he knows adib will cry!)

but all in all, i'm proud of myself, that i survived the 90 mins movie, with minor incident, and i too get to enjoy the movie. 2 thumbs up for toy story 3! (i love the barbie and ken part. budus! ;p)

so that's our saturday.

sunday pulak was spent quietly at home, as abah used my car pegi kenduri kawen. baked some cakes, much to the boys pleasure. paling kembang kuncup bila dengar anak² cakap, "mommy, cake nih beyyyiiii (very) nice!" wallah!

spent the day with the three kids. memacam perangai dah sekarang. afiq ngan adib memang tengah lasak teramat, so at times, agak mencabar kesabaran. (imagine diorang pegi angkat semua sofa and campak dekat bawah ikut tangga?? and all my abah could say is "afiq, adib!! while tepuk badan sendiri??) yes, my abah has a soft spot on his cucu that never existed on his kids. :P

aidin on the other hand, cukup suka bangun time pepagi subuh, ajak mommy borak & main dengan dia. he'll sengih², coo and give me a big charming smile that automatically buat aku hilang ngantuk. the power of child. (lepas tuh kul 9pm mommy's eyes dah macam kena gam, tak boleh bukak!)

btw, i bought this instant tea mix - longan kering with red dates. (sebab aku tak jumpa longan kering). to my amusement, it tasted pretty good, and seem to work well. tengok la 2-3 kali test lagi. kalau ok, i'll just buy the ready made punya la... hheehheeh.

okay la. tuh jek nak cerita. take care all. bye.

ps - i seem to sound happy in this entry, many thanks to my friend's advice. you know who you are. it's hard, but lufe has to go on. chill.

:: toy story 3 ::

mahu membawa anak² bujang menonton cerita nih:-



pic from google.

memang kamikaze la aku esok. imagine bawak twin boys, 3 years of age masuk wayang sengsorang? behave la kome.

* crossing my fingers.

:: cerita afiq dan adib ::

:: kisah adib ::

scene 1 : in the car, was driving to office and he tagged along as he had an appointment with the dentist. i hit a pothole and he said, "mommy bawak kereta tak careful!"

erkk.. terdiam..

mommy : sorry adib, mommy tak buat lagi. ;p

scene 2 : we were walking back to the car hand in hand after the dentist appointment.

adib : mommy, mommy beli la keta mecedis (mercedes).

mommy : (gelak besar) adib ingat mommy banyak duit ke nak beli keta mercedes??

:: kisah afiq ::

scene : he was on the phone with his daddy last night. (siap mengiring bercakap dengan daddy dia, and mommy jadi mangsa pegang tepon for a good 15 mins sambil pejam celik pejam celik mata sebab dah mengantuk)

afiq : daddy balik bila?
daddy : (i don't know what he answer.:P)
afiq : nanti kejap lagi daddy balik?
daddy : (i don't know what he answer.:P)
afiq : daddy balik pukul berapa?
daddy : (i don't know what he answer.:P)
afiq : daddy balik pukul catu? (satu)

guess he misses him a lot.

:: cerita dari satu kegagalan ::

tajuk entry cam gempak jek kan? cam suspen jek.. :D

actually, i nak share pengalaman saya yang gagal menyusukan anak masa first baby dan actions taken utk anak yang terkini so that i berjaya breastfeed anak as long as i can. my milestone : 6 months. lepas tuh kita tgk how do we go next, sebab ada satu event maybe akan take place yang memerlukan saya berada jauh dari baby untuk satu tempoh yang lama, minima 1 bulan.

perhaps, tips kat bawah nih boleh la dijadikan panduan oleh kawan-kawan yang sedang mengandung yang berhajat untuk menyusukan anak. saya belajar dari kesilapan, and till now masih lagi belajar utk tambah ebm. so far stok sedia ada cukup untuk aidin selama lebih kurang 20 hari kalau amount of feeding tak berubah.

1. semasa mengandung, amalkanla baca surah al hujurat. saya dapat tips nih dari buku panduan ibu mengandung yang ditulis oleh ustazah siti norbahiyah. doalah supaya diperbanyakkan susu dan biarlah ia mencukupi untuk keperluan anak kita nanti.

2. minum air banyak. VERY IMPORTANT!

3. makan sayur hijau banyak². in my case, kailan works so well. lepas tuh ada maid dari indonesia advise saya makan pucuk manis (sedap kalau buat masak lemak) and bayam (tak berapa jalan la dengan saya)

4. makan harus cukup. lupakanla soal diet buat sementara. hohohohoho. sangat sukar hokay especially bila lepas pantang badan kita masih kembang dan baju2 lama masih belum muat.

5. feed your baby during the first hour after delivery. itu milk booster yang sangat mujarab.

6. atas nasihat seorang rakan, i've started expressing my breastmilk for stocks masa dalam pantang. u won't get much, but the amount bila accumulate ok la. sebabnya u won't know masa keja nanti how your body reacts. in my case, first week kerja, stock susu memang banyak, tapi bila masuk 2-3 minggu agak merudum. partly penat, stress and lots of adjustment need to be made. but i make it a point to perah 3 times a day at work. i used the simple pump - spectra 3. single pump la tapi. kalau ada dual pump lagi bagus rasanya, sebab it can cut short your pumping time. like me, it takes around 10 mins untuk dapat 5ozs. some people boleh dapat sampai 8ozs and some people takes sampai 30 mins/pumping session to get enough milk supply for the baby.

7. hati mau kuat.....

rasanya nih jek kot serba sikit dari saya yang baru nak breastfeed anak. bukanlah seorang yang pro, tapi so far masih boleh fulfill my son's need.

sharing is caring kan?

:: misbehaviour : cause and treatment ::

3 years menjadi mommy, i'm getting better at reading the cause of their misbehaviour. bila asyik tantrum saje, it means, they didn't get enough attention, and that normally happened when my OH is away, sebabnya, mommy tak sempat nak spend quality time with each one of them, especially when aidin is around. (nak buat cemana, aidin is one charming koala bear, yang mmg sensitive dengar sore mommy dia)

so yesterday, i took the chance to bond with one of the twin aka adib, as adib has been a bit rebellious lately. i took him to work, as he got an appointment with the dentist. he was all excited sebab dapat ikut mommy dia pegi opis. (okay 2 jam di opis sudah cukup utk adib menyepahkan tempat mommy. adehh)so he spent half day with me, office - dental appointment. i pun terus amek opportunity buat check up.

lepas check up, dr kata dia kasik mc and asked me to rest at home. syukurrrrrr! i really need it! so after jumpa dentist, i took adib to pasar tani, beli something to eat, balik opis jap settlekan a few thing, and finally head home.

bila sampai rumah, tgk aidin punya badan dah makin byk naik bintik2. he got temperature last saturday, but it subsided in no time. monday evening, bdn dia dah merah² and yesterday evening, the rashes spread out to his face. OH called from turkmen tanya dah hantar gi klinik belum, enough to annoy me. ye la, aku nih sorang, semua benda nak kena buat. keja lagi. kejar nak hantar anak gi appointment. belum masuk cerita mengasuh. tapi pikir balik, mmg patut aku hantar aidin pegi klinik. kalau jadi apa², nanti aku gak yg menyesal.

so after zohor, terus rush pergi klinik. nasib baik dekat dengan rumah mak tuh ada specialist clinic for babies. dr kata aidin maybe viral fever. maybe jugak naik rashes sebab aku makan durian, as aidin full b/f. tapi aku yakin it's viral fever. so she gave me 2 days time period. the rashes should subside. kalau rashes tak subside then kena urgently pergi klinik balik, sebab takut dengue.

anyway, back to adib's story. lepas the quality bonding time, his behaviour is getting much better. i'm soo happy. TAPIIIIIIII afiq pulak buat perangai. and he's looking for 1001 reasons so that he too could follow me to office just like how i did with adib. mmg i ada plan nak bawak afiq pegi check up jugak, (he got sinusitis and lately nampak makin teruk sebab asyik gatal² hidung) but work at office doesn't permit me to do so. i was thinking of bawak afiq sekali dengan aidin in 2 weeks time. macam² la anak aku nih.

okay la people. sampai sini dulu. take care all. bye!

:: stress ::

mak gave me a call just now, informing adib's filling tercabut lagik.

is it only me yang rasa down bila semua benda kena buat sendiri as OH takde?

is it only me yang rasa bengang bila u call ur other half dia tengah nak kuar jalan2 when u're stucked up with neverending housechores?

is it only me yang rasa penat teramat when u have to wake up at least 4 times a night when ur other half is having a good night sleep?

is it only me yang rasa sakit hati when after nos of call attempts and unreplied sms-es, all u get is call u back later and that later is 5 hours later?

huwaaaaa! mak stress nyah oiiiii.

agagagagagagaga.

ya Allah ya Tuhanku,
ikhlaskanlah hati ku dalam membentuk amanah²Mu yang masih kecil,
bekalkanlah aku dengan segala kekuatan dan semangat,
kerana masih ada anak² kecil yang sedang berpaut,
pada diri ini.

zzzzzzz.

:: regrets ::

waking up in the morning and dragging myself to work is something that i really hate in my life. working for the sake of family financial is really biting me off.

i wasn't my usual self yesterday. i was being very hard to my kids. i just simply lose my composure, and simple misbehaviour by the kids really ticked me off. dan hari nih terus menerus diselubungi rasa bersalah. aaaaaaaa. i hate this feeling! i was supposed to entertain them, as weekends are the days that they really look for to spend with me. sorry darlings.

perhaps, sabtu nih i shall take them out, and bring them back to our humble nest, and let them enjoy their time with me.. only me..

again sayang, sorry. especially adib.

:: Happy Father's Day ::

to my OH, who's in far,far away land, "HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!"

and to my abah & papa (in law),

Thank you for everything, and happy father's day!

:: randomness ::

2 days time, father's day will be up. takde plan ank celebrate pun. so perhaps, just a day out with my kids, somewhere fun.

anyway, i'll be having my full body massage today.. weewo! sudah lama ku tunggu². really need to rejuvenate myself, as sekarang nih, asal kul 9.00pm jek mata nih dah macam digam². i wonder how my friend, aju, can do it. with twin boys and a baby a year apart, with no helper, and what more, WORKING.. i just don't know how she did it. hats off aju!

aidin is growing up very well. he has responded to the coos so well. he will start sengih lebar² bila i start to ask him, whether he wants me to sing tepuk amai² for him or not. owh, he's one charming baby, and pretty easy to handle. thank you so much to exclusive breastfeeding!

some may ask, apsal masa twin dulu i didn't do bf. let me share you my piece of story.

afiq and adib came in unexpectedly. at 32 weeks of pregnancy, they decided it should be the day they came out to see the world. i didn't prepare myself at all. i read too little on bf, hence i was not prepared. i didn't get to see my sons till 3rd day of delivery, so they didn't get the chance of the 1st hour of colostrum. i didn't get to stimulate milk production, hence mmg tak cukup despite efforts makan supplement, etc. ralat sangat rasa, especially bila baca & dengar cerita kawan² yang dapat bf their babies exclusively.

so bila aidin came in, dari awal lagi, i dah cakap ngan my husband, i want to bf him. as long as possible. the hospital helps a lot too. they really pegang that bf principles. 1 st hour keluar dari OT, they have wheeled aidin into my room for bf session.

alhamdulillah, to date, aidin cuma minum susu formula sekali sahaja, sebab masa tuh his sugar content was very low, and dr takut dia kena sawan and can caused brain damage to him despite aidin dah minum susu badan at that time. i was ok with the dr's decision, as aidin's life is more important.

tapi....... bf is not as easy peasy as i thought. byk sacrifice yang kita as mothers kena buat. hati kena mau strong. especially when u start working again. guess, this is the rational why 90days paid maternity leave should be given to all mothers!

kay la people. keja melambak nih kat opis, but i just can't focus. yesterday's meeting really eat my mood. but i better get back to what i'm supposed to do. ta!

:: LETIH SANGAT! ::

aku stress sangat hari nih! agagagagagagagagaggagagaga.

letih la kepala mak memikir memacam hal pasal kerja. fenats.

malam tadi the kids didn't sleep well. afiq qoke up at 3.15, followed by adib, asking for milk. lepas siap kasik susu, aidin pulak bangun nak susu. tengah breastfeed aidin, si afiq ngan adib pampers bocor la plak, habis basah baju. uwaaaaa! and i was alone!

i was sleeping at mom's place. kalau kat rumah mak, bilik i kat bawah sekali. baju anak2 semua kat bilik maid, which kat atas sekali. nasib baik la on the way nak amek baju anak tuh, my maid bangun sebab nak tolong kejut i sahur (it was 4.00 am by then). so she helped me out to change the kids, and terus la aku sahur seawal kul 4.00 pagi (selalu i sahur lambat, dah nak dekat subuh baru sahur).

lepas sahur segala, i sekali lagi bfeed aidin, nak kasik tido. it was 4.30am by then. afiq ngan adib pun setelah dipujuk² tido balik. syukur. terjaga kul 5.30, minum air masak, and sambung tido sampai kul 6.30am. terus bangun and get ready to work.

sampai opis ari nih, pagi aku ada meeting. meeting nak discuss pasal unit aku punya keja.

kesimpulannya - I LETIH SANGAT!

:: jiwang karat ::

rasa hilang semangat separuh badan.

oh 2 minggu, cepatla berlalu..

:: permintaan anak² yang meruntun jiwa ::

dah 2 years in row, we didn't get to celebrate father's day with my OH. it has been 2 years in row too, we didn't celebrate my birthday. semua sebab his commitment to work.

he'll be off perhaps tomorrow night. hopefully kids will behave (it has been a while since he last went out for long time).

dalam kepala dah pk macam2. apa nak buat dengan anak2 masa weekend (yep, mereka sudah tahu, weekend adalah hari mereka!)

lupa kan jap la gundah gulana nih.. kita share cerita afiq & adib yang dah mula paham konsep kerja.

:: scene 1 ::

afiq : atok dah beli scambler (scrambler). atok dah ada duit. atok tak payah la gi keje..

:: scene 2 ::

afiq : daddy keja. mommy keje. wan tak payah la keja. wan cuti ek?

(bodek my mother supaya dok umah stay dengan dia)

:: scene 3 ::

mommy : mommy keja esok. mommy dah tak cuti.

adib : mommy tak yah keja.. mommy cuti..

mommy : kenapa adib nak mommy cuti?

adib : mommy main toy dengan adib..

my darlings, i'd do it if i could sayang.....

:: cerita mommy & keletah anak² ::

will be left behind by OH next week. so, welcome my 'slimming package'. (sigh)

today is not the usual friday. normally, i'll be out from office during lunch hour, sbb rehat panjang. tapinya, i takde mood, and i just want some me time.

past few days, i haven't been well. badan sakit², meaning i need massage. akak urut tuh tak dapat datang la pulak, as she's away in pahang. adehhh.

i didn't expect that breasfeeding for working mom could be very challenging, till i become one. wow. time is very tight. i have to squeeze between meetings and works to pump. memang betul la orang kata, kalau nak breastfeed nih, hati mau kuat. tak pe.. setiap titik susu ibu tuh besar pahalanya. insya Allah, aku try la selagi mampu. hopefully, dapatla kasik 2 years cam some of friends. i jealous ok dengar org dapat breasfeed exclusively for 2 years!

i'm supposed to start my swimming session today. tapi memandangkan badan yang baru nak kebah demam, and still adjusting to work, i made up my mind to cancel the plan.

okay la peeps. nih ada sikit cerita pasal my three kids. hopefully, can bring some smile to a stressful day..

:: afiq ::

scene 1 : tengah main celah² rak baju kurung @ carrefour, wangsa maju, masa mommy dia tengah shopping, and suddenly he fell off.

afiq : "MAAFKAN KAMI!" (nyanyi lagu p ramlee sambil sengih²)

confirm mommy tak marah.

scene 2 : dalam kereta, in the morning, on the way to drop him off @ mom's before i head to office. he was throwing a tantrum, nak ikut mommy gi opis.

mommy : cemana afiq nak ikut mommy.. afiq kan belum mandi.

afiq : afiq tak peluh pun!

DRAMA KING SUNGGUH!

:: adib ::

scene 1 : tengah tgk kartun handy manny dalam kereta. suddenly...

adib : nih philippe (sambil tunjuk kat diri sendiri), nih tools (sambil tunjuk kat afiq), tu ketuk (read : hammer, sambil tunjuk kat tok mama, tapi slow gila cakap. agaknya takut kena marah kot)

:D

:: aidin ::

(yea, aidin pun dah ada cerita)

scene 1 : tengah tido sambil hisap jari. suddenly

aidin : uwaaaaaa!

sebabnya dia gi cabut jari dari mulut. takde orang yang bersalah ok aidin....

ps - aidin is off his mitten already, atas nasihat paed. dr kata, kalau tak bukak mitten, he won't know he got hands. so i supposed, it's good for the baby's hand coordination. first day jek cam mengerikan, but after that he can manage his hand. kira boleh aa

:: iklan jap dari opis ::

it has only been three days at work, but i have started feeling lethargic already! i can hardly open my eyes at nights, leaving my two boys - afiq & adib to much dissapointment as mommy can't entertain them as usual.

aidin macam balas dendam kat mommy dia, dah 3 nights in row i didn't get good sleep, and yesterday paling teruk. i think i slept almost throughout the night, sitting sebab aidin just don't want to sleep in his cot/daddy's arm. mengantuk hokay!

keja tak la tension sgt walaupun byk write up nak buat. yang tension satu jek, takde sorang pun yang cakap aku dah kurus! sume kata, "DAH TEMBAM!" mak dah sampai tahap, lantak la kome, janji aku dah fit in jeans pre-pregnancy, much to OH's jealousy. wakakaka. mak pasrah.

okay la korang, nak share video afiq nyanyi, but perhaps later la kot sebab tgh upload kat fb. takut jam lak internet line nih kang. :)

ok pit stop from work is over, am back to....... my endless paper work!

:: first day at work ::

to be back @ work after a long hiatus has always been hard. :I everybody has to adjust.

i left for work pretty early this morning, leaving afiq crying behind. i know he's very attach to me, and i know it's hard for him to see me working again, but mommy has to darling. adib and aidin was asleep when i left home. i made it on time to office. i find the office pretty quiet with the absence of my close colleagues who are on a looooong leave and on attachment.

started my day finding my pc is not working at all. nasib baik ada lappie so masih boleh review paperwork utk tomorow's discussion. blur - that's the state that i'm in.

since i'm breastfeeding aidin, i had to find time to go to answer the nature's call. have to make way, every three hourly to pump milk and store it in the cooler bag. so far dah 10oz of milk. another pumping session, and it should be enough to supply almost 2 days of aidin's feeding, insya Allah.

anyway, just wanna share some of adib's dialogue when he was out with me on our bonding session at jusco. (i try to bring only one of them, to get to know them better, as they are different when they're alone).

mommy : adib, tolong mommy pegang tissue aidin. (i bought numbers of wet tissues refill, and i didn't take the basket)

adib helped me out. and suddenly there was a married couple (i assume, takkan courting couple nak jalan kat babies' section kan?) walking, and adib suddenly say this to me

adib : mommy, aunty tuh shame! dia tak pakai seluar!

nasib baikla anak aku tuh cakap slow jek. i quickly pulled adib away.

morale of the story : anak itu kain putih. kita yang lukiskan dia. it really hits me, in a good way of course

ps - afiq skarang enjoy lagu2 p ramlee, especially lagu aci,aci bukak pintu. lawak gila dengar dia nyanyi

:: 7th anniversary ::

it's our 7th wedding anniversary today. syukur Allah, for letting us to enjoy every single beautiful thing in life together.

Ya Allah, ya Tuhanku,
Kau limpahilah kami kebahagiaan dan kebaikan dunia dan akhirat,
Rahmatilah hidup kami,
berkatilah hidup kami,
temukanlah kami kembali di syurga.

Ya Allah, ya Tuhanku,
Kau jadikanlah kami ibu bapa yang sempurna,
untuk zuriat yan telah Kau amanahkan kepada kami,
bimbinglah kami ya Allah,
dalam membentuk khalifah-khalifahMu di muka bumi ini.

Amin..

Husband dearie,

i may not say this as often as i should,

wo ai ni