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sometimes, when people asked me, nih anak no. berapa.. i'd answer 5.
sometimes, when i'm not ready to explain, i'll answer 4.
but it hurt most, when they know it should be 5, and they'll say.. kiranya nak masuk 4 saje la..
i delivered the handsome baby, Abdullah Amin Fahmi 4 years ago - full term, but fresh still birth. He's still my son, though he's not around, and he still add the count to the number of children i have. He didn't come out of no where. I carried him for 38 weeks and 5 days, just as a reminder. A full term baby, with no pre-diagnosed problem. A smooth sailing pregnancy.
So, please spare the sentence "kiranya 4 je la" to yourself.
You will never know and never understand, how hard it was to regain strength after the loss, until you experience it yourself.. not that i pray that you'll experience it one day though. Would very much appreciate if you could offer some doa instead.. "semoga amin menjadi pemberat amal kedua ibu bapanya di akhirat kelak"
Dia masih anak saya, dan anak saya nak masuk 5.
mode : bertakung ayaq mata.. 4 years in memory (Lahir dan kembali pada 11 Disember 2008)
6 comments:
aishah,
i feel u...even though aku x pernah experience mcm ko kehilangan anak sendiri, but i lost my lil bro when he was still a baby...
Kegagalan treatment2 aku pun (i'm a ttcian) buatkan aku down berbulan2... tak sanggup kalau aku diduga mcm ko aishah...
semoga kita sentiasa tabah hendaknya..
XOXO
me
Sha...Insyaallah dialah pemberat untuk ko nanti. Aku mmg akan sentiasa ingat tarikh dia pergi sebab tu hari aku kahwin. Ingat lagi that day ko msg aku psl ni...apa-apapun ke kena kuat.
*hugs ketat ketat*
be strong dear.. i know how ur feel..
even skrg nih, aku masih terasa2 kandungan kembar aku yg miscarriage dlm usia 5 bulan +.. dan bila berkenalan dgn org baru, ntah knp aku selesa mengatakan anak aku sudah 4 org.. itu aku yg baru 5 bulan, inikan sha yg memang melaHIRKAN, apapun kata org dia tetap anak sya..
anggap aje la, mereka tidak paham.. ya, tidak paham perasaan org lain...
## aku pun sering terasa bila ada ayat2 sinis yg berbau begitu, cth, bila borak bab ngandung + alahan ' ala, hg xpe, ngandung aritu kejap je, 5 bulan lebih, kejap je sakitnya, aku nih alah lg lama, sampai skrg aku sakit'.. its hurt.. aku tak minta semua itu..dan aku tak minta sekejap itu.. aku rela sakit di badan beribu kali dr sakit dijiwa ketika kita kehilangannya..
thanks semua! tipu la kan kalau aku cakap aku tak sedih. tapi terubat jugak la sedih tu kalau ada yang mendoakan. kalau tak nak doakan, senyap pun better dari menidakkan kehadiran anak tuh dalam hidup aku. hugs you all!
insyllh sha...
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