:: dormant lagi ::

the blog will be dormant for a week or so, unless i could find time and place for blogging. can't wait for the hols!

don't miss me.. ;P

:: random stuffs ::

sakit tekak la pulak! adeh..

well, i'll be having my post natal check up again tomorrow. dr nak investigate the reason why arwah amin's weight is retarded through the end of the pregnancy. he suspect that i might caught some infection along the way that has not been detected through scans and stuff. i just hope that i'll stay strong, because during my last post natal check up, i cried. sbbnya, i started to replay the moments with arwah. i'd be lying if i say that i don't miss him, and wonder how would it be like if he makes it to the world. only Allah knows. and i believe Allah has a better plan for all of us. i'm telling this to myself. i can't forever cry over the loss. i still have afiq and adib to look after! berikanlah aku kekuatan dan kesabaran ya Allah!

anyway, alhamdulillah, i manage to complete my ppt presentation yesterday. so hari nih pretty free, but i decide to look back after my lecture notes (yeah, i do deliver lectures, though once to three times a year. dah turned down one offer though sbbnya clash dengan family program. i think i might need to beef up my presentation. they pay me, so i've to makes sure i do my job.

my bags tak siap lagi pack. (we're going off somewhere with my in laws tomorrow, for a week). banyak lagi nak pack. tengah berkira² nak bawak ke dak portacot tuh. berat la. nak sewa too expensive. (bear in mind, i have to rent two!) bila calculate, cots sahaja (kalau rent) will cost me RM800.00. baik mak shopping weh!

okay la all. i want to look back at my notes. not much time pun ada today, sbb petang nanti ada technical talk. okay la kawan, take care!

:: penatnya smalam! ::

i had a very tiring sunday.

i started pretty early. cooked boys' lunch early in the morning, while me and hubby only had grilled cheese + mushroom sandwich for breakie. we later dropped the boys at mom's place and proceed to visit amin's grave.

after a short tahlil for amin, we head home. quickly changed my cloth and bring the boys to the zoo. afiq and adib enjoyed it though afiq dilanda symptom mengantuk. bought sunglassed yang murah (aa the mommy is so stingy!) for the boys. and the verdict? hehe. anak²ku melaram tak hengat. baru umur setahun setengah dah tau nak melaram okay..

after two hours in the zoo, we head home. the boys fell asleep in the car. penat sangat agaknya. me and hubby take the opprotunity to go out and look for new t's for mommy yang dah outgrown her clothes. (yeah, yeah.. ntah bilanya nak surut..) came back home just in time for zohor. after asar, my mom plak ajak keluar cari kain baju melayu for my bro's wedding in june. knowing that my boys will surelt throw tantrum kalau masuk kedai kain (i agakla..) my other half took them to my IL's house. balik umah just before maghrib.

uwaa.. letih gila!

after maghrib + dinner at mom's house, i head home. kemas baju sket (we're going somewhere), and i finally say to myself, i have to know when to stop. penat teramat² sampai susah nak lelap. at last hubby woke me up at 5.20am
and now i'm in office, flipping between my powerpoint presentation for meeting in langkawi (which i'm not attending due to earlier commitment. ruginya!) kena siap esok, and masih belambak tak siap! adeh. okay la, i have to'minimize' this page and get myself back to work.

hm.. i think i may need a shot of caffeine later.


href="http://www.mylivesignature.com" target="_blank">

:: apa nak masak weekend nih? ::

baru balik dr klcc. shop for my boys. time was pretty limited, as i have to rush back to office, ada meeting after the looooong lunch break. bought a new l/sleeve t-shirt for the boys and socks for them. was looking around for toys as well, but i didn't land to any that i think would interest them (ke mommy?)

my feet hurts la pakai prima shoes tu. camana nih? apsal masa test ari tuh rasa comfy teramat and bila pakai sakit nih? nak kena letak under stress load nih kasi kembang sket. huhu. kalau tak, melayang my RM119. uwaa! kalau tak jalan gak (maknanya kasut tuh really tahan lasak) i might just sell it off, with some reduction.

hmm, ari nih dah ari jumaat. dah start balik lerr routine ku memikir apa nak masak esok. ideas anyone?

:: i miss you ::

i don't know how shall i express my feeling, but i miss my amin so much! he came to my dreams last two days, sleeping on my bed. i know he's no more there, but he just choose to sleep on my bed. what does that mean?

pernah terbau bau bunga melur yang wangi, sekali lalu, 3 times. first occasion kat kubur, i thought maybe ada pokok melur kat mana². 2nd, almost midnight at afiq's cot when i was busy sorting my cloth for course, and the most recent one, is dekat kem, masa i attend course. orang tua² kata, he pays a visit. is it true?

ya Allah, i so miss him so much, that my tears are dwelling! please give me the strength!

:: i choose PRIMA, at last ::

thanx for your votes peeps! after trying on both pairs, i decided to go for prima ~ black. suede tuh mmg cute, tapi it does not look good on my feet. :(

i put it on to office today, but somehow rather kenapa kasut ini ala² makan my feet? macam nak melecet jek, sedangkan smalam pakai sedap jek rase. tak pueh hati nih! hmm.

back to work. i'm trying to instill some motivation in myself. i have to commit and work hard for my kids. so when at work, i should focus and deliver my job well. (though i still blog at office, yang penting keja gua siap and sempurna!)

on the other hand, i'll be flying off with the family to downunder next week. and i'm thining of starting a tiny online business involving clothing, i mean unique clothing. what do you guys thing? will it work?

one more thing that i'm contemplating to do is to go for baking classes before i seriously take orders from others. mom said to me that i can work from home (i.e. quit my secure job) provided that i become a profesional in what i want to do (for example baking).

i also have been thinking to publish story books, but i don't have any idea on how to start. anyone with experience yang boleh share, how shall i go about it?

i believe i'm still far away from being completely free from job.but it's never too early for plannings kan?

:: prima or sueded alice? vote for me please ::

#1 : crocs ~ prima


#2 : crocs ~ sueded alice


vote for me please. which one is better?

:: al-fatihah ::

i was busy sorting my old cloth when y dear other half came into the room and show me a text from his friend. i immediately flashed back what had happened to me, last 70 days ago. the lost of a son, that i've carried for the past 38 weeks and 5 days.

yes, hubby's friend ~ pian, lost his preemie baby. a son. i'm not sure of the detail, but that was the case.

my doa for the parents ~ to be patient through out the test. been there, faced that. it requires more than strong to ovecome the emotional feeling. i do hope the mommy will recuperate really soon.

to the baby, alfatihah.

:: tired but recovered ::

i'm extremely tired that i woke up at 10 this morning. thanx to the course that i attended for the last 5 days and 4 night in melaka. early mornings and late nights. penat! but alhamdulillah, after a solid, long more than 10 hours sleep, i've recovered.

balik jek dari course semalam, my boys dah sengeh². agaknya baru perasan mommy was not around. but then, they betul² balas dendam. baru jek duduk, adib dah amik tudung suruh pakai, and he went to fetch his shoes. get what i mean? they want me to bring them out! not that hubby didn't bring them out, it's just that they want me to bring me out! bertuah punya anak.

anyway, though i was reluctant nak pegi kursus, but i learnt a lot. and i believe, it has opened my mind to a bigger horizon. :D

okay la, tengah tunggu turn nak masuk dapur. (read ~ mom tgh massak in the kitchen, tak de stove yang free.) take care all. muahs!

:: away ::

the blog will be dormant for at least 5 days. will be away from home for work. don't miss me!

take care!

:: analisa semasa ::

kenapa aku nak berhenti kerja?

1. aku tak suka rush pepagi buta nak pegi keja. i hate the traffic in kl, and i think it's getting worst these days bila lagi banyak new highways dibuka.

2. i want to raise my boys on my own.

3. i don't want to serabut my mind with work matters.

4. i hate heels. (takde kena mengena langsung!)

5. i hate formal clothing. (tak bley pakai t shirt ke gie opis? unless aku keja site la)

kenapa aku kena kerja?

1. help hubby to finance family

2. to be financially stable and independent.

sah² aku kena keje kan?

:: what a way to start a new day ::

first day back at work. and yes, i start my day badly.

first~
afiq decided to mengigau at wee hours, (read - 4am) and keep on crying until he and mommy fell asleep in the living room at aroun 5.30am.

verdict : mommy mengantuk pagi nih

second~
trapped in an unidentified problem of heavy traffic near overhead bridge near sentul. nak lepas satu traffic light took me more or less 0.5hr! hisyh!

verdict : punch card mommy merah hari nih

third~
got a note informing that i've to report to the management tomorrow on office's budget as my boss is not around.

verdict : kena speed reading and digest content of meeting hari nih. what a nice way to start work after 2 months leave

forth~
got a letter stating that i have a meeting to attend on 26-28 feb in langkawi. clash dengan family hols yang telah diplan.

verdict : aku tetap gie cuti

fifth~
got a memo from HR, stating that i have to return RM232.01(my critical allowances) that they have paid since i'm not eligible to get that as i was on confinement leave.

verdict : i'm RM232.01 poorer this month.

what a way to start work after 2 months of confinement leave!!!!!

please hubby, can we set up something so that mommy can stay at home, spend time with the boys, fix delicious dishes for u and still earn some money?

ps : i miss my boys....... kalau cuti, time nih aku tgh sibuk kat dapur masak for them.

:: i'm just too serabut ::

sleepy head, i am. the one mug of caffeine doesn't help much.

adib decided to wake up extremely early. they are early risers but today, adib is extra early. 2.30 am - he's wide awake! all thanx to the early sleep yesterday. he slept at around 6pm, as the surrounding was too exciting for him to catch his afternoon nap. (read ~ we brought them to the opthalmologist yesterday to check on the squint. afiq and adib has slight squint on the right eyes. i'm concerned takut they develop lazy eyes problem.)

so poor mommy has to stay awake to accompany him through out the early hours. only manage to perform my isyak prayer at around 4 am, after waking hubby up to look after adib for a while. then continue to look after adib and he fell asleep for like an hour or so before he decided to tell me that the day has began.

but anyway, i enjoyed it despite being sleepy. he smiled at me, he kissed my cheek, melting away all the tiredness and hurts that i've got during the day. i feel so contented and blessed! rugikan manusia yang tidak tahu menghargai dunia anak kecil? they're sucha a pure bliss. every breath, every minute, every milisecond is so meaningful. it'll never return back. they grow up every single day, living you nothing but memories. but memories can't be carved if you're not emotionally intact with the kids. that's why i'm willing to sacrifice my time just to be with my two boys. i practically don't have minutes on my own. my 24-7 is dedicated to the boys. i know i have to set aside some time for myself, to do some exercise, facial etc. but i simply just can't fit that in my daily routine. i at my best, always try to do those things when the boys are asleep, so that i won't lose a second with them. that's how i arrange my time.

2 months of confinement leave has made me much closer to my twin boys. i've been starting to feel the dreadfulness feeling to return to work. how i wish i could work from home. but with all the recession thingy, i know it's not the time yet to quit. plus i love the feeling of being financially independent. it's not because i love money that much, but it's more of security should anything bad happen to my partner, be it death, separation or whatever. business from home would be great. even better if i could start my own publication oneday, since i just love to write. anyone got the idea how to start one?

on a totally different story ~ mom caught me crying yesterday after maghrib prayers. my emotion is practically hay wired. i miss my arwah amin. i don't want to leave my boys behind (read - i have to be away from home for 5 days and 4 nights immediately naik keje). i think of too much things, that things get out from my hand. mom consoled me, telling me that i can't behave this way. kesian dekat arwah amin, seksa dia di kubur. i don't know till when i'll still cry over my lost. sometimes, i imagine, how my life would be if he makes it to the world? how hectic my life would be? how will he sound when he cries?

my mind is too hazy. i think it is reflected in my blog. sorry readers if my writing menharu birukan your mind as well. i'm just too serabut.

:: movie tag by mas ::

i've been tagged by mast, and i find this tag a tad hard. guess why? it has been ages since i last watch movie.plus i can't remember the title well. and that includes a lovey dovey movie from indonesia that almost made me shed my tears. (sentimental gak aishah ni kan?)

so the rules.
1. You have to point out 5 romantic movies that you would love to share with your loved ones..
2. It doesn't have to be in order.. as long as you love the movies, it will be fine..
3. You have to tag another 5 person to answer this tag

Movie #1 L You've Got Mail


i just love the story line & it's cute too! i don't think err, hubby would watch this. (anyway, we have a different, i mean totally different preference when it comes to movies. perhaps, pasal tuh we both jarang gie tgk wayang. :P)

Movie #2 My Best Friend's Wedding


julia roberts acting is just so hilarious in this. best!

Movie #3 Never Been Kissed


kesian kan kat drew barrymore when she stands in the middle of the pitch waiting to be kissed.

Movie #4 armageddon


this one almost made my shed my tears. the love of a daughter to her father, the sacrifices of a father for his daughter's love life, :D

Movie #5 10 things i hate about you



best!

so this homework goes to:-
1. sheri hafiz - i know u'll love doing this
2. amri zaharin- u're movie junkie. 'ah long' jual dvd. :P
3. izzah aka ija - my not so lil cuz. :P
4. lydiana dimyati
5. syaza - my lil cuz

:: i graduated ::

finally, after years of tutorials & lectures & revising, i graduated!

alhamdulillah. :D

it took place on saturday morning.

after whipping the batter for roti jala, and served it with a bowl of chicken curry that i made the previous day, hubby asked me...

hubby : mana dapat kari ayam nih?
note : my IL are so good in curry. they always packed some for us to bring home (since i was heavily pregnant with arwah amin and have no time to cook)

me : apsal? (risau dah) i yang masak

hubby : owh really? i thought kak ecah kasik. (kak ecah nih dah diregard as his aunty already. she has been looking after my hubby's family since my sister in law who's now 36 is a kiddie)

me : (grinning from one chin to another) wow, that's a compliment! i kena tulis dalam blog. :P

so, after having food that look like curry but doesn't taste like any and vice versa, i manage to make one! yeay! thanc to afiq and adib who has made their mommy to really learn how to cook.

the verdict : aishah dah boleh masak kari. care for some anyone?

:: a weekend of cullinary n fun activities ::

what a weekend! too many things to share, but yet so little time to write. that's the state that i'm in now, anyway. :P

we finally make our way back to our own home sweet home last thursday. i've been staying at my mom's throughout my confinement period, and yes, i miss our warm home very much. i miss my bed, my kitchen, my own shower, my tv, my oven, ALL! i have hurt the pots and pans - have been neglecting them for AGES. in an effort to rekindle with them, i made myself busy last weekend, cooking endlessly (macam la endlessly sangat pun!)) in the kitchen.

the menu - is according to my craving. no one else. ;P on saturday, i made up some creamy seafood tom yum and japanese tofu with mushroom. when i say creamy tom yum, i do mean creamy. i got the recipe from cik mat gebu's page. it would definitely taste much better if i could just get the perfect paste! haha. :D japanese tofu tuh i masak sendiri. i fancy how chinese cooked their veges, and i tried to copy one at home. (now i'm thinking to open up another blog account specifically on food. but then, that means, i have to take pics and upload, and owh, too much of work. what do u reckon?)

sunday - i'm kinda tak tau nak masak apa. masak sardin only with cabbage. getting enough of rice, i decided to dish up simple creamy pasta for sunday's dinner. afiq and adib tak makan since they had kfc in the evening, and practically worn out after a fun filled evening at the par in KLCC.

and yesterday, i'm so much attracted to few blogger's effort in concocting baked pasta. i manage to locate only one type of baked pasta sauce of leego's - tomato and mozarella. i paired it with fussili , minced meat, mushroom, capsicum, celery and cheese. it's very simple, straight forward cooking but turned out to be lovely.

after sinfully consumed an account of calorie, my other half and i decided to burn it at the kiz sports and gym in OU. the gym has bring out then kid from our heart. :D of course it did, when the mommy and daddy slide down with the boys! after almost an hour and a half of work out, we then returned home with empty stomach. made some fried chicken and vege for the boys, while the not so kid anymore (read : mom and dad) had spicy nasi goreng tom yum.

despite being drained out, i still had a late night yesterday. did some 'spring cleaning' while my other half buat office work. lega rasa bijik mata after all the cluster has been cleared out. and after having a late night, afiq decided to mengigau from 2 to 6 in the morning. huhu!

anyway, what a weekend of activities n culinary!

:: fun filled at the playground ::

have loads of story to share. but the pc isn't really mine at the moment. heh. nih pun curik masa other half yang tgh banyak office work. the boys are asleep. penat teramat agaknya coz their calories are burnt out at the playground in klcc this evening. penat sangat sampai si afiq boleh habis one KFC's drumstick. (afiq is no fan of meat lately. any meat be it red or white meat) adib on the other hand tamau makan chicken, instead he ate the whipped potato. (i told you that my sons have different preference, despite growing up in the same womb at the same time).

it is meant to be a short entry anyway. will try to find time to blog asap before the ideas run out, insya Allah!