:: pekerjaan impian? ::

sempena hari buruh esok, aku nak blog pasal pekerjaan idaman?

* nih semua pasal dengar hot fm pagi tadi.

anyway, masa aku skolah² dulu, aku selalu berangan nak jadi gynaecologist atau dalam bahasa senangnye pakar sakit puan. sebabnya kan, masa tuh aku rasa tak raami orang pompuan jadi pakar sakit puan. pastu tetiap hari ada jek kan org beranak. so kilinik aku (cheh perasan!) insya Allah tak tutup kedai. :D



tapi bila aku dah makin mengenal biologi (ditambah pula dengan guru yang teramat berdedikasi ~ i really mean it okay! she's one hardworking teacher! ~ yang akhirnya buat aku naik mual ngan biologi), i got the feeling that this is not my thing. :D tak pernah menyesal pun tak jadi dr, sebabnya, pada aku dr adalah manusia yang paling dedicated ngan keja.

bukan dr jek penah singgah dalam kotak cita², aku pun penah gak terpikir nak jadi lawyer. kunun² aku nih banyak cakap pandai bercakap. tapi bondaku menentang keras impianku yang ini sebab dia kata, keja tuh tak sesuwaaii dengan perempuan (no offense yah ladies lawyer.. itu pendapat humble bondaku.. not me tau..) tapi minat bab legal nih tak ilang la dari lubuk sanubari ku. tu pasal aku bley ala² score subject contract management yang dimenyampahi ramai. hehe.



aku tak ingat la pulak kad 001 (korang tau kan kad nih kad apa) masa skolah rendah dulu. ada part tuh cikgu yang taramkan isi untuk aku. tapi 2-3 job yang aku ingat penah ada dalam column cita-cita 1,2,3 tuh dr, lawyer ngan pensyarah kot? haha.

tapi aku skang jadi ala² engineer. ye lah, keja ngan government, memang la tugas hakiki aku tuh bab engineering, tapi bab management pun banyak. so tak lah 100% buat teknikal saje macam masa keja kat consultant dulu.

but anyway, apa pun keja aku skang, aku still ada pekerjaan impian. :D

aku nak jadi.....

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

tara!!!!!!!!



personal shopper!

~ kasik perabih duit orang tanpa ada rasa bersalah. untung nasib dapat gak satu dua barang free. hahaha!

okay edisi berangan dah habis. :P

sambung sket jek lagi berangan..


getting paid for blogging whatever and whenever i feel like blogging!

ok, tamat!

kembali ke alam nyata. jadi engineer balik. :P

:: bila server intranet down, mommy pun mula mengaum ::

time keja tengah banyak nih la server intranet down. database tak bley access. so mommy kena la bukak blog (alasan).

had a late night yesterday. borak ngan bonda terchenta yang sibuk buat bunga pahar angah yang nak kawen this june. afiq and adib didn't sleep well anyway. again woke up thrice! and they decided to be up as early as 5 am. yang meruntun jiwa tuh, dua-dua bangun cari daddy. aiyak!

ingat ari nih nak bawak the boys gie umah IL. dah 2 hari plan nak pegi, tapi asyik hujan jek. mommy malas nak redah hujan.

okay la all. bila la server ni nak ok. aku ada lagi 4 tahun punya data nak analyze nih!

:: will the two lines appear again? ::

afiq and adib has fall asleep. so i've got some ample time to blog tonight.

at the moment, around me, i'm surrounded by many expecting mothers (read : beautiful preggy women). i'm happy for them surely, but deep in my heart, there's something tickling me, making feel very uncomfortable. i can see the eagerness and excitement in their faces, and i know they're just like me before.

whenever i see the pics of newborn baby of my friends, it'll remind me the day we lost late amin. at times, i feel deja-vu. terasa dan teringat zaman mengandungkan arwah amin. like today, when i was having laksa for lunch. that was how it triggered me that i could've been pregnant a year ago.

yep, i'm not 100% over the loss yet, i guess. i've been praying, so do my OH, to Allah to give a better replacement than late amin. i knew he weeped the other night, 'teringatkan' arwah. but the beauty is, i didn't shed a tear. perhaps, Allah dah jadikan kami berdua untuk saling bergantungan antara satu sama lain.

i don't deny, that i'm afraid to be pregnant again. but at the same time, i want to get pregnant, and should i get pregnant again, this time round, i'm gonna make sure, i'll make double check up, just like what i did with the twin. call me paranoid, but at least i do something extra, not leaving behind any trail of 'what if?'

but like the cliche phrase says, 'life is a journey'. you'll definitely encounter bumpy roads, sharp bends, sweet smelling flowers, scenic mountain and thick bushes along the way. i've been through a lot in fertility related matters, and i know should be more than grateful, despite losing amin, i've been granted with adorable twin boys. life is far more meaningful with the presence of the boys. i still remember how empty and incapable i felt before having them.

in my life, i've encountered numerous kind of people. i believe so do u. there're gems, but there're germs as well. the gems, have helped me waded through the high tide and wave when i was about to suffocate, while the germs, not worth mentioning. there're times that i feel the hurt is intended, but some are just because of me -the plain jane herself being over sensitive.

over and over again, i hope and really, really hope the event of two lines appearing will come and visit me again. and yes - that's HPT test for those who kinda blank. (HPT - home pregnancy test)

:: selamat masuk umah yang telah dicat baru ::

i'm taking a break for a while from my flood events analysis work. (macam gempak saje bunyi, tapi biasa² sahaja)

stressed out with some people's attitude in working. i wish i could blog about it, but i know it may backfire me. so, pardon me for reserving that side of story.

afiq and adib didn't sleep well yesterday night. adib mengamuk² sebelum tido, tamau tido dengan mommy. which breaks my heart in a way. jarang dia buat perangai macam tuh. normally dia nak tido ngan mommy n daddy, smalam he asked for my maid.

afiq on the other hand, bangun twice mintak susu. adib sekali jek. so semalam since mommy 'on call' sorang², i have to wake up thrice. tu la cabaran jadi ibu kepada anak kembar. :D but i'm ok with it. can't imagine those with triplets. but alhamdulillah, so far, my sons takde la meragam teramat². kaalu ada pun, once in a blue moon.

malam semalam 'ter'paksa masak dinner utk diri seniri. i'm staying at my mom's this week as OH takde. my mom balik kampung kejap antar my wan (my grandmother). dad is not around. so no food on the table. mommy lapa teramat², so masak jugak la malam semalam walaupun malas nyer masya Allah.. tinggi menggunung. nak kuar gie beli dinner malas. so, korek² peti ais, ada ayam. selamat la ayam tuh aku buat masak sambal. haha. lega jap perut. :D

okay la korang. kejap jek pun plan nak update blog nih.

what do u think of the new layout?

i rasa macam chic habis!

* perasan

:: happy sunday, empty monday ::

semalam makan aiskrim ngan TOH, and the boys @ the curve.

we're both a fan of new zealand's natural ice creams, so we head for one yesterday. despite being full, after a lovely lunch of simple nasi goreng and lam mee, we enjoyed the treats a lot. i just love the berri-ness of boysenberry dream and TOH takde lain - cookies and cream.

orang kata, mana tak tumpahnya kuah kalau tak ke nasi. memangla budak kecik 2 orang tuh suka gila makan aiskrim.

semalam, after the treat, we asked afiq:-

mommy : tadi afiq makan apa?
afiq : kim.. (read : aiskrim)
mommy : sedap tak?
afiq : dap..

and this morning, i tanya lagi:-
mommy : semalam afiq makan apa?
afiq : kim.. dap..

tak sempat tanya sedap dah jawab. ngehngeh.

sangat chumil!

owh, one more thing, we attended my cousin's birthday bash yesterday evening. she's 10 by the way. (i'm the eldest grandchild, so i ada banyak sepupu sepapat yag masih muda belia). afiq and adib enjoyed the bash so much. dok kutip gula² dari balang, and bagi kat orang. sangat suka tengok orang nyanyi lagu birthday (macam dah besar sangat).

suka bila tengok anak happy.

tapi hari nih sedih banget. laki aku merantau lagi, dan makan weekend pulak tuh. udah lerr weekend this week panjang. huhu. sgt bengkek dan sedih. dah la last minit trip, terpaksa cancel a month long anticipated holiday pulak tuh. he'd better make it up.

dah la, malas nak pikir.

take care all. bye.

::Travelog Haji - Mengubah Sempadan Iman by Prof Muhd Kamil Ibrahim::

i've just finished reading this book - Travelog Haji - Mengubah Sempadan Iman by Prof Muhd Kamil Ibrahim.

and i only take roughly about 2 hours reading the book.

this book gives me a new dimension on Hajj. not only Hajj in fact, but life as a whole.

living in this era, people rush in life. little did we know, we miss the little details that are compulsary to define a 'perfect' lived life.

his writing kicks off with a brief introduction of himself, making me more interested to flip the pages.

a very attentive husband, paired to a wife with a beautiful soul. benarlah - wanita yang baik adalah untuk lelaki yang baik.

a wife who contantly reminds him with meaningful advises, that leads to a beautiful journey of Hajj and transformation in life. she's a real one gem to be treasured.

the book is too beautiful to be summarized, read it on your own to satisfy yourself.

alhamdulillah, i've been given the hidayah to purchase this book. it's a treasure.

:: so not in the mood ::

as predicted yesterday, mc lagi ari nih. punya la tak larat bangun pagi tadi. TOH bawak pegi klinik, and dr tukau medication. flat for like 1-2 hours, baru rasa ok sket. baru nak start rasa berpeluh². alhamdulillah.

next week, he'll be flying off again to russia. bosan. kalau boleh hangkut anak bini, ok gak la kan? kata keluarga no.1. pada aku la. pada kampeni, sah² tak kan?

kalau sihat, petang nanti nak hangkut budak kecik 2 orang tuh gi JJ. tgk dlm iklan semalam, ada notis susu enfagrow ada promo. so i nak buat stok.

sangat² tiada mood utk berbicara. have a happy day ppl!

:: what say u? ::

siap pun report, tho my thinking machine works extremely slow. lega sekejap.

tadi pun dapat good news, meeting esok ramai yang tak boleh attend. since i urusetia, terus cakap, okay then, kita postpone jek meeting.. uuuh! indahnya jumaat ku esok..
* smucking naughtily..

terus pikir apa aku nak buat esok.. ngehngeh..

anyway, i'm thinking of mengecat balik umah nih. agak kelam pulak nampak sejak pakai layout baru nih. harus ku surf cari layout lain yang lagi cun. (plus keje dah siap.. so apa lagi kan?) what say u? should i change or should i stick to this?

okay la all. take care.

:: dr, saya nak mc lagi satu hari boleh? ::

masih tak sihat lagi. hidung still berair, and suara ala² serak sengau serak² basah. sangat² tak selera nak makan, tho tau kena makan sebab kena telan ubat.

report ada kena buat. esok nak kena submit. takde sapa plak nak check report aku nih. slumberland jek la aku anta nanti.

pagi tadi afiq nangis nak ikut mommy pegi keja. kesian budak kecik.

nothing much to write. sangat² blur daan sangat² tiada mood untuk bekerja.

ps - mau MC lagi esok nih.

:: perjalanan haji, mengubah sempadan iman ::

i watched 'iktibar dari tanah suci' at astro oasis during the weekend, and the stroy touched my heart deeply. and at that moment, i made it a point to myself, that i want to share the story with my blog readers. sharing is caring, kan?

it was a story of wak daud, from tanjung karang, whose living is 'cukup² makan.' tidak mewah, tetapi perlu berusaha untuk menyara kehidupan. wak daud ada seorang ibu, yang sudah tua dan agak uzur.

tiap² tahun, si ibu akan bertanya, bila lagi wak daud nak bawak si ibu tua ini pergi menunaikan haji. dan setiap kali itulah dia akan tipu si ibu dengan berkata,'insya Allah mak, kalau takde aral, tahun depan kita pergi'

according to wak daud, he lied to his mom, sebab di atk sanggup nak kecewakan hati ibunya. bila dah masuk 3 or 5 tahun (i tak ingat) si ibu bertanya, dia nekad untuk kumpulkan duit untuk bawa si ibu pergi menunaikan haji. dia kerjakan sawah, bela kambing, etc untuk cukupkan simpanan tunaikan haji.

dia bukak akaun simpanan dengan wang deposit sebanyak rm5 sahaja. slowly he started banking, and masya Allah, dengan kuasa tuhan, wak daud nih berjaya kumpul more than rm20,000 within 3 years and cukup to finance perbelanjaan menunaikan haji.

so, wak daud pergilah haji dengan ibunya yang tercinta di samping isteri yang setia tatkala susah dan senang.

wak daud nih hatinya sangat baik. kebaikan dan keluhuran budi dia buat ramai jemaah haji senang dengan dia. cerita wak daud nih diabadikan oleh prof kamil dalam buku , perjalanan haji mengubah sempadan iman (kalau tak salah).

prof kamil cakap, wak daud nih akan siapkan minuman pagi untuk semua org yang satu bilik dengan dia, setiap hari. ada one day tuh, prof kamil nih belanja wak daud makan. wak daud nih, jamah sikit, pastu letak semula makan yang dibelanja. prof kamil cakapla kat wak daud, 'makanla wak. saya belanja nih. saya suka sangat hari nih.'

wak daud jawab kat prof kamil tuh macam nih,'prof, boleh tak saya bungkus makanan ni and makan dengan isteri saya. sebab saya nak isteri saya tau macamana sedapnya makanan yang prof belanja nih.'

saya terkesima.

mulianya hati seorang anak kepada ibu, seorang suami kepada isteri.

moga Allah memberkati hidup wak nih.

i believe this story is worth sharing with all. a spark to remind how little have we done, and what more can we do to be a better muslimah. insya Allah.

rasa nak cari sangat buku tuh untuk buat bacaan masa senggang. ye la, takkan asyik nak baca shopaholic saje kan? (reminder to myself)

:: award from bonda aqeem ::

thanx to bonda aqeem for the cute award.

and i now pass it to all blogs that i've linked to mine. :D

:: recovering ::

my blog has been for a while. considering i'm a 'pemblogger tegar', that away period can be considered as pretty long silence.

i was not well for the past few days, in fact i'm still weak. caught viral frever over the weekend, perhaps due to 'overwork'. was given two days medical leave on monday and tuesday. i dragged myself this morning to work. sgt rasa tidak sihat. i'm hoping that my boys won't catch the bug.

hoping and praying that i'll recover soon, as TOH will be away. i was really hoping that he could excuse himself, as i really need him this time, but hey, hoping too much will only left you with broken heart. so here i am! looking after my boys especially at night will be on me, the sick one. though mom insya Allah will help me out, but as said before, i on my own, will never hope on anyone else to look after my boys to avoid any arguements later on. the part that maybe my OH will never understand.

wanna make a cuppa for myself, i need to gulp those medicines before i forget.

take care all.

:: rare entry ::

it's very rare for me nowadays to get the chance blogging from home, on saturday morning. i'll be heavily occupied with our weekly routine of pusara visit, breakfast with the boys somewhere, entertaining the boys, etc.

i'm pretty surprised that i got one today. yeay!

the boys are asleep, taking their morning nap as usual. i have cooked lunch (pretty early today), and hubby is out to wash the car get the car washed. :D it's very tiring to wash that car, as i can't reach the top part. need to climb the side and wash it, and it's not a pretty sight. hehe.

anyway, we'll be heading to colleague's house today, later this evening for her daughter's second birthday party. the theme is black, white and red, which TOH immediately respond - i know what to where. and being married to him for the past 6 years, and courting for the past 10 years, i can immediately read his mind. yep, it's gonna be either his england or man u jersey. so goes the boys. and me? pakai jek apa pun, as i look nice in anything. (muahahaha. gila confident.)

and why am i putting those numbers in bold? well, my wedding anniversary is coming up in a month and a half from now. and i haven't think of any plans yet, as pretty much, i'm worried that TOH might be flying off by then. hoping and hoping that the management matters will drag on and on to delay his take off. :D

ok peeps. i'm stopping now. i've been typing and deleting some parts of the entry. i don't feel it's appropriate to slander my anger here. let's make the destressing activity more fun in my upcoming entry.

take care. da!

:: ter-cuti ::

aku patutnya bekerja hari nih, but instead aku cuti.

tak plan pun nak cuti sebenarnya (walaupun hati aku dirobek² kemalasan tamau pegi keja).

both of us are aware, yang tangki minyak kereta tu almost empty, tapi dasar malas dan rasa okay lagik tuh, tak ler pulak isi malam semalam.

nak dijadikan cerita, pagi tadi bila push off ke opis, dah blink². so aku tak sedap ati, stop gak la kat pump station nak isi minyak tho dah lambat gila. mana taknya, bangun kul 6.45am. tak sedar langsung.

aku isi minyak normally pakai kredit card. swipe kredit card A. decline. isyh, terlebih limit ka? rasa takde shopping cam tuh pun. amik 'back up' punya kredit card and swipe. aik?? decline lagik?

nak bayo cash, dalam purse ada 4 hinggit jek.

alih², aku decide, patah balik umah mak. lagipun aku sakit kepala. dah bapa hari dok sakit kepala.

hajat hati nak sambung tido. dapat la tido² ayam.

so outcome hari nih - masak mee kuah tomato (senang nak mampus), buat popia pastu freeze, gie test baju baru (untuk adik aku kawen), beli lauk pauk untuk weekend.

habis jumaat aku.

:D

hilang sakit kepala.

:: destress mode - mari gelak sakan ramai² ::

actually, bonda aqeem bagi i this award. sgt chumil gambar dia.

and she tagged me too.

she asked me to describe..

5 perkara yang lawak+poyo+sengal+mengong and tak bleh nak blah and sewaktu dengannya yang pernah berlaku dalm hidup anda

since aku tgh in destres mode, tu pasal tajuk dia jadik macam tuh.

err.. anyway, this is going to be a tough one for me.. let me tapis cerita lama supaya tidak terlalu malu flick my past yeah?

no. 1
masa tuh bulan pose. aku duduk umah sewa with my fellow coursemates in melana apartment, skudai. i was having my breakfast before heading to class kerana uzur syari'e (betul apa, nak tulis peot buruk benor bunyinye). sambil relax² sapu butter dan seangkatan dengannya atas roti, tetiba roomate aku bukak pintu rumah. (ye, pintu rumah aku kalau bukak terus nampak dapur). her then boyfriend, was waiting outside dengan jelas nampak aku tgh sapu roti. aku cam alamak! kantoi!

dengan rileknya, boyfriend roomate aku yang dengan machonyer berdiri kat luar rumah depan pintu cakap, 'tak pe roomate (dia panggil aku roomate sebab aku sebilik ngan awek dia)' sambil sengih².

aku nak buat apa? aku turut sengih.. cara paling excellent nak coverline. :D

no.2
aku dulu memang benak kurang arif bab masak. maklumla, i kawen pada umur yang agak muda belia (read ~ 22 turning 23 years old). pada suatu hari (dengan gaya kanak² sekolah rendah yang sedang menyertai pertandingan bercerita), mak mertua aku suruh aku goreng ikan kering. rumah mak aku memang tak makan ikan kering. so dalam erti kata lain, aku tak pernah masak ikan kering.

soklan aku tanya mak mertua aku,"ikan nih nak basuh dulu ke mama?"

mak mertua aku punya response ~ gelak (dengan agak control) dan senyum.

impact pada aku? - malu tahap tak hengat. nasib baik la dapat mak mertua yang amat memahami kekurangan aku sebagai isteri especially bab² dapur nih.

ps - sampai skang aku tak tau apa nak buat ngan ikan kering itu. haha. nasib. aku pun tak la gemar sangat ikan kering. ikan pekasam layan. hehe.

no. 3
masa dekat uni dulu, aku penah kena ngorat. budak yang mengorat tuh satu kolej ngan aku. satu hari tuh dia nak jumpa aku kat depan blok. (budak utm yang dok KTR aka kolej 3 boleh bayang kot keadaan blok tuh). dia jerit kat bilik member aku cakap nak jumpa. aku masa tuh memang tamau jumpa dia. sebab aku takut buat org frust. aku suruh member aku cakap kat dia aku demam. (btw, masa tuh final exam tahun 1).

after cakap aku demam, dengan bijak pandainya, aku gie psz (library) ngan room mate aku. sekali, amek ko! terserempak ngan mamat tuh kat psz. aku dah malu amat.

masa tuh aku ingat lagi, aku dok kat aras 3 ngan room mate aku. kitorang tinggalkan jap buku kat atas meja dalam psz (aka book tempat la konon) and pegi minum ke mana ntah. skali bila balik kat tempat semula, aku dapat note ngan sepapan panadol.

"kalau dah demam tuh, jangan paksa diri."

i feel guilty like hell.

no. 4
aku ada kawan baik, nama dia salhana (bukan nama sebenar). dia geng aku dalam banyak hal.

satu hari, kitorang jalan kat mana ntah, tapi ada la lalu satu kelas nih. tepi tingkap tuh standard la ada budak lelaki yang mula bersiut². buat pengetahuan semua, salhana ni adalah seorang yang sangat sempoi dan straight forward, tetapi penuh ngan ciri² muslimah yang baik (pada aku) tuh pasal aku suka kawan ngan dia.

biasanya, kalau kena siut² nih mula la jalan simpang siur kan? tu satu lagi sebab aku suka jalan ngan dia. dia boleh buat lelaki tuh pulak yang simpang siur.

guess what she did? (alamak tag nih suruh cerita pasal aku, takpe la anggap jek aku buat gak) dia senyum balik kat mamat tuh dengan muka yang paling manis dan ramah.

amek ko! padan muka. :D

no. 5
pada suatu hari, kat utm, aku park kereta kat parking lot depan CP. after abih kelas and nak balik umah, aku dan housemateku tengok kat kereta aku ada note. ala² nak berkenalan. siap tinggal plat no. kereta. so we all just baca n abaikan jek.

sekali tuh, on the way back, ternampak kereta dengan plat no. itu. haha. oleh kerana kami nih ramai, maka dengan beraninya aku korner baring dan speed kejar kereta tuh nak tengok sapa la yang tinggal note.

yeah, kami berjaya keja dia. dan nampak siapa orangnya. malangnya kami tak kenal siapa.

kesimpulan - kami glamer. haha!

aku pun pelik apsal aku berani sangat masa tuh. kalau la skang nih, takde maknanya kan?

* nampak sangat umur dah lanjut.

sekarang i nak tag ini kepada :-
1. nard
2. adzra (aku nak ko tulih pasal iklan umah sewa yang ko pekenakan org!)
3. mastura
4. reza
5. ayin
6. kay dora

ps - kalaulah zaidin ngan sal dah ada blog, aku paksa diorang buat benda nih. mau aku gelak guling² depan pc.

:: debush debush, wacha!! 41 kali ::

agak sakit jiwa dan mental dengan perangai manusia.

is there any subtle way to tell this people to grow up dan act like one?

rasa macam nak debush debush, kasi wacha 41 kali bak kata azura my opismate. hadeh, sakit kepala mommy.

nak cabut balik amek MC jek rasa. kepala pun ala2 weng dah nih.

:: entry perasan sikit. sikit jek. ::

i had a bad day yesterday. and my head aches.

but yesterday ended beautifully.

i was so touched that my crappy writings have inspired some hearts miles away (to me at least). hope that i'll make more good things with my writing and help other people in ways that i never imagine.

so readers, pardon with me for a while. i terperasan sekejap.

:D

:: agak stress.. ::

sejak dua menjak (ada ke perkataan nih?), i'm a little bit stressed out at work. i don't mind having tonnes of work to do, but there're things that i can't take. i shouldn't blog about work here, that's my principal.

anyway, my hubby and i are planning to look for a tricycle for the boys. they've been eyeing for that for quite sometime, and i think they're ready for a bigger challenge. tapi nak dapat jenis yang elok sket within a reasonable price (biasa la i, standard nak barang murah tapi bagus.. hehe) punya la payah.

okay la korang. i nak sambung keja balik nih. banyak lagi menda nak buat. penat pikir la. huwaaaaa!!!!

ps : masih belum ada perkhabaran mengenai berita pc ku.. huhu..

:: backdated entry : the lovely cheesecake and cute cupcakes ::

nak tayang sket cheesecake yang i beli for TOH's 31st birthday. heavenly yummy! thanx to yatt for the lovely cakes.

ps - lap ayaq liuq... ada yang drooling nampak.. hehe..

:: predicting a busy week ahead ::

had a good weekend at home after sucha looooong time tak spend masa dekat rumah. took the opportunity to 'spring clean' the wardrobe. mengasingkan baju-baju yang tak muat semakin mengecut untuk dipasskan kepada mereka yang bernasib baik. banyak weh baju tak leh sarung dah, not to mention seluar slack ku yang dulu cun melecun saiz s. adeh. bukan sikit2 punya naik nih, lompat 2 size okay! (nyata i jaguh lompat pagar)

stress dan agak down kalau nak dikenang2 perubahan size itew. tapi tak pe la. setiap qadha dan qadar yang diturunkan kepada setiap hambaNya ada kebaikannya. tu yang aku dgr dari Dr Fadzilah Khamsah semalam, semasa dia bacakan potongan hadith.

anyway, i'm predicting a quieter blog this next few days as i'll be attending a course kat klang. jauh nye!

okay la all. nak kena start balik buat keje. lunch time dah over.

ps - blogging guna laptop boss. pc ku masuk workshop, rasanya kena virus conflicker. jangan la hilang data2 aku. dalam tuh stock archive almost 4 years punya keja yang tak penah dibackup! huhuuuuuu! seriau kalau nak bayang..

ps no. 2 - aku kena ingat to clear history browsed pages. haha. tau tak pe.. :D

:: fikiranku serabut ::

pretty tired, after returning from kota bharu, yesterday evening. i missed the boys so much, and was thinking of playing with my boys when i arrived home (7.00pm), just to find them ASLEEP. so tak dapat la mommy bermanja-manjaan dengan the boys. and this morning, they are still asleep when i dropped them at my mom's place.

anyway, hubby broke the news last 2 days. so far, verbally his boss dah instruct him to be transfered to a far, far away land. i, initially, have agreed to follow him (Read : amek unpaid leave for a year). but that was the initial plan. latest development, i've got to know that there's a high potential that numbers of junior engineers will be promoted to senior posts, insya Allah, should the re-org be approved. kalau ada rezeki, insya Allah, my name will be in, and again that leaves me with no other choice but to ask hubby to proceed with his job, and i stay behind in kl with the boys. promotion in government agencies are pretty rare, so i just simply can't let this opportunity fly away!

i'm torn in between. i want my career to advance, but at the same time, i want my husband to be around with the kids. the terms for his transfer is different. bukannya macam tukar base. kalau tukar base, every 2.5 months dapat cuti 2 minggu and all expenses paid to and fro homeland. tapi for his case, he's in attachment basis, which means there is no provision for him to return home for the whole period of posting (read till april 2010) unless being called back for meetings or courses. it leaves me thinking, what will happen to my boys?

as for now, i'm hoping that his transfer will be delayed and dragged for sometime, so that i could get a clearer vision on what will transpire next. hopefully, by then, i'll be able to perform istikharah, be given the hidayah and make the best decision for all.

frankly speaking, i'm afraid of being left behind. it's not because i don't trust him that he might be having affairs, but merely because, what has happened in the past. last year, during his long trips to far, far away land, i landed into a huge row and arguements with some relative who accuse me of using my mom to look after my two boys. i dikatakan menghambakan my own mom. frankly speaking, after that incident, i turned to someone who prefer to manage my boys on my own, as much as possible, no matter what. the words were harsh, and i was smacked down to smithereens. i was heavily pregnant at that time, and i know how much i depend on my maid and my mom due to the heaviness, but seems, that is not the reason to get help. masa lepas kena smash tu, memang i was thinking of either quitting my job or send my boys to the nursery so that i won't bother anyone. tapi as usual, my thoughts were denied by my own mom. it was not the first time i was being said so, but that was the second. sangat terguris hati & hurt. terasa macam tak boleh nak mintak tolong langsung sedangkan masa tuh i mengandung heavily (about 7-8 months pregnant). ibu² mengandung sure tahu macamana heavynya time tuh, and with two boys yang berumur 1 tahun 2 bulan, yang baru dapat bertatih, u can imagine how hard it was for me at that time to move around. well, that was the reason sebenarnya kenapa i nak berenti kerja. sampai sekarang, what that person said to me i pegang sampai bila², and makes me realize, that i cannot rely on anyone else to help me to jaga my own sons. and i berdoa banyak² pada Allah supaya i diberi umur panjang yang bermanfaaat so that anak² i won't bring any kesusahan to sesiapa sekalipun. that's why i don't really bother about the pantang larang. banyak gak yang aku langgar, and i hope it won't bring any harm to me in the future. sebabnya, aku tanak peluh org lain yang menitis sebab jaga anak aku tu dilabel menyusahkan. orang nak kata aku 'ketegaq' pun katalah, tapi trust me, hati ibu mana yang tak terguris bila anak² yang kita kandung tuh seolah² menyusahkan orang lain. tidak pernah terlintas dekat hati i nak biarkan my anak² macam tuh aje tanpa rasa kasih sayang dan didikan dari ibu dia sendiri. and that's why bila OH cakap on the possibilities, i mula terfikir balik what has happened, and i takut it will happen again. i tak tau apa yang kan jadi if it happens again. enough said, tamau la ingat lagi apa yang dah jadi, and tamau pikir lagi apa yang akan jadik. kalau ikut rasa sebu hati nih, banyak lagi nak tulis, tapi rasanya cukup la aku sorang jek yang makan. kenyang makan semua kata² tuh. and yes, i sekarang orangnya pendendam dan pemendam, and the only person that i can let everything out is only my OH, not even my own mom sebab takut nanti ada yang kata i membebani my mom dengan masalah i.

for now, i just want to ease my mind. tamau serabut². fokus kerja. take care all.

:: distracted mind ::

excited but worried.
want but don't want to.

for sure i'm blurry.

no, the two lines haven't appeared yet (for those thinking i'm preggy)

but it's just, should i get the book russian for dummies handy?that's for survival mode.

~ mindful trinkets, distracted mind.. ~

:: melalut ::

was expecting a 'free and easy' weekend. but it didn't turn into reality. :D

friday night ~
simple celebration with my IL's family to celebrate TOH's 31st birthday. alhamdulillah, cheesecake yang i beli dari yatt mendapat sambutan hebat. yea. cheesecake dia sgt sedap! my favourite is - yatt's special cheesecake. with a hint of coffee, laden with choc ganache, filled with bits of kandos, and juicy strawberries drizzled with choc on walnut bits - this cake is superbly heaven! (menggoda kan? kan? kan?)

saturday ~
takde program sangat pun. tapi dok rush sana sini, beli groceries etc. then tetiba pulak SIL inform sunday nak buat BBQ. celebrate FIL+MIL's 38th anniversary. we were asked to prepare some chicken. nasib tepon ada 3G, dalam kereta terus bukak webbie rinnchan cari resepi marinade. (sbb all this while, kalau i marinade, i belasah pakai BBQ sauce saje with onions + pepper) so, since this is a special occassion, i nak la jugak jaga reputasi i impress my in laws kan? get my hubby to get the ingredients (rumah i nih occassionally jek masak, so pepaham la kalau bahan asas pun kekadang takde). lepas a simple dinner of ikan sebelah yang dikorbankan menjadi crispy fillet yang dibalut dengan tepung tempura brand jusco yang murah itu with potato chips yang juga segera plus coleslaw sedap drpd kfc, i pun memulakan langkah silat dekat dapur me-marinade-kan segala chicken yang telah dibeli. nasib baik ada maid. suruh maid siapkan segala bahan, i tinggal campur tolak darab bahagi gaul ayam tuh ngan all the spices. (will put up the recipe + picca later kat my other blog okay?)

sunday ~
on sunday morning, we went for a brekkie kat luar. i'm not a fan of nasi dagang, but we had nasi dagang that morning. many thanx to my half terengganu son - afiq hazman. yeah, anakku itew sangat suka makan nasi dagang. mommy dia baru cakap kat daddy yang mommy rasa mommy tak terbelajar la nak masak nasi dagang terengganu, tapi nampak gayanya, kenala jugak menuntut ilmu ngan my MIL masak nasi dagang nih. adeh! afiq didn't stop at nasi dagang only, he even makan keropok lekor yeah? aduh!!!!

anyway, after the hearty brekkie, we head to kedai gunting rambut. rambut anak²ku sudah panjang (my sons penakut gunting rambut, apatah lagi ke kedai mamak, i pun tak faham). we went to the chinese lady near my IL's house (itupun si afiq dok geleng² kepala cakap tamau gunting bila nampak aunty tuh pegang mesin cukur tuh. don't asked me how high is his desibel yesterday morning kat kedai tuh). i pun amek kesempatan gunting rambut sebab gugur teruk sangat (sgt normal apabila 4 bulan lepas bersalin). so tata to my long hair, sekarang dah kontot macam rambut TOH. takpe, i SPORTY. :P so 2-3 bulan nih jimat la shampoo (menyedapkan hati).

petang tuh, as usual buat 'site visit' kat jusco setiawangsa. bawak jugak anak buah yang dulu pengekor setia sebelum kehadiran the twin. sampai² jek jusco, she said to my OH, 'atiqah belum makan nasi lagik..' berlapikkan???? haha. sangat bersopan anak buahku itu. beli jugakla donut (yang i pun tumpang sekaki). hehe menyesal.

malam tuh, makan besar kat rumah IL. sampai tak larat nak makan. balik dr umah IL, naik atas weight scale.. aiyaaaaaaaa!! IT CAN'T BE TRUE! puas aku shed off the kgs, how come it comes back??

so after terkujat tengok wighing scale:-
resolution terkini - no more dinner.
keadaan semasa - puasa
plan bukak pose - makan sup² jek
what's next -
1. cari dvd aerobik & WORK OUT
2. tepon kak z** beli jus to control my food intake. (bley?)

ps - i pose ari nih. tu pasal my entry bila sampai bab makan jek dia punya elaboration berlebih². maafkan saya kalau saya turut menggoda mana² pihak yang juga sedang berusaha untuk menurunkan berat badan seperti saya.

:: 31st birthday wish to someone special ::

btw,

happy 31st birthday to my other half.

happy birthday to you..
happy birthday to you..
ada org dah tiga puluh satu..
bininya masih 29 gitew..

hehehehe..

jangan mare..

:: confession of a shopaholic the movie : review ::

i'm a kinsella's fan, and i think most people know about it.

yesterday, i took a leave for pre-birthday celebration for my OH. locked ourselves in GSC MV as early as 11.00am to watch the hot 'confession of a shopaholic' movie.

the verdict - 2 thumbs up for this movie. isla fischer visualize the chatracter of becky very² well, hugh dancy played luke brandon well. so did kristen ritter aka suze, jane cusack aka jane bloomwood, john goodman playing graham bloomwood. in short, the movie is damn good, that i made a point that i want to buy the dvd once it's out!

but i believe, it would be better kalau alicia tuh blonde. lagi gedik.

anyway, i tanak cerita byk. grab ur tix n enjoy the movie. :D klu i cerita byk, nnt spoil pulak mood org yang tak tengok lagik. :D

but anyway, the part yang paling i suka was - the part that becky speaks in finnish, introducing alicia to the business partners. sgt kelakar dan kurang ajar! haha.

ps - now i know kenapa patung² kat mesia yang dlm shopping malls takdak kepala..

ps no. 2 - jue, scarf becky dalam COS tuh sweet sgt. :D

:: anak pemblogger tegar ::

Adib Hazim

hah! black screen! crash?! apakah?!


mommy ada ajar scrypting (ye sangat). try skill jap nak repair.


off monitor jap! kasik ilang pening..


hah! lega! kesian readers mommy kalau tak dapat update!

Afiq Hazman

i'm gonna make use mommy's skill in writing to woo this girl.. anta email jap la kat awek cun..


janganla kacau afiq daddy! macam la daddy tak penah anta emails kat gepren!


type sikit lagi. kasik final touch.


send!