Friday, May 29, 2009

:: best wedding anniversary gift, ever ::

aku dah lama risau pasal benda nih, dan finally it makes its appearance.

been there, done that. jadi single mom for a month sudah cukup buat aku tinggal 'rangka'. susut badan mendadak and senang sangat nak detect how unhappy i was.

he broke the news just now, leaving me sleepy but unable to sleep. sah dan sahih kena mob to RUSSIA asap. he estimate he'll be leaving on a jetplane this coming july. estimated to work in russia till early next year, on ASSIGNMENT basis.

i hate my job, but i'm starting to love it. i don't think i'll be following for some reason, but i don't know how will i cope. i can be cengeng at times. will i fall into depression mode?

ntah. i haven't done my istikharah yet, whether i should follow or not, but deep down inside, my guts is telling me to stay behind. can my sons especially adib hazim cope? can we bear the loneliness that i've gone through before. yeah, sudah pernah menempuh perkahwinan jarak jauh, and tell ya it ain't easy.

those who depart will definitely the easier party. he/she will only deal with his emotion, but those who are left behind?? kena handle her/himself, the kids' emotion etc.

perhaps the best option is to quit job. and let myself to be free and follow him as he likes. but is that an option? how will mom and dad feels? how will the future treats me?

it's half past 1, and i'm still up and all hazy.

guess this is the best 6th wedding anniversary ever. why apart is the gift?

9 comments:

Asiah Abd Jalil said...

Saya pun dah merasa, 3 bulan husband pergi Saudi Arabia. I was alone to take care of 4 little kids, aged 6, 4, 3 and 1. No maid, no family members, no friends to give a hand. 3 months full of unpleasant emotion. Memang kalau boleh, tak nak ulang dah sampai bila-bila.

Tapi ada hikmahnya. I am a stronger mother now, more independent, lebih cekap menguruskan anak-anak. Dulu-dulu tak pernah terfikir mampu buat semua tu, but when the time comes, we still have to face and survive.

Cuma kesian kat anak-anak. Kita yang dah tua, boleh cope dengan perasaan sendiri, boleh cuba untuk redha dan memahami. Tapi budak kecil, apa la yang diorang tahu. When my husband was away, I tak menangis because I was weak, tapi I menangis sebab dah tak larat nak jawab pertanyaan anak, "Ayah mana, ayah ni lambat la, bila ayah nak datang..." Bila I beli makanan, diorang nak simpan sikit, takut nanti ayah balik. Bila mainan diorang rosak, hari-hari tunggu ayah balik, sebab ayah aje yang tahu repair. Fuhh... penat main janji dengan anak-anak!

echan said...

setiap kejadian ada hikmahnya kan...

why not bukak gerai kat pasar malam di 'rusia' tuh, mcm yg u ckp dalam entry b4 this. hehe.. kalau pegi and kalau ada la pasar malam kat sana tu. :p

amisah said...

sabar kak ek...
cakap memang senang... tapi, macam echan cakap, semuanya ada hikmahnya... wat ever decision, buat pertimbangan betol2...
Allah menguji hamba-Nya yang mampu je...

yatie chomeyl said...

i've been in that shoes also for 3 months..damn,it was hard! dun want 2 experienced it again. org yang tak pernah lalui takkan faham macamana 'rasa' tu kan?

istikharah la..it will sure helps u :)

Mlle Linie said...

aiyak... not a very pleasant news but maybe ada hikmah dia kut. well, im just a phonecall away, tho i may lack the understanding.

azuradaud said...

hmm...sian kat akak..tersepit kat tgh2..antara family dan kerjaya..sembahyang istikarah la kak..takpe..saya tak kesah akak tinggalkan saya kalo itu yg terbaik..hoho

aishah zaharin said...

asiah - yep. emotion anak yang paling susah nak handle. i've gone thru a 'mini' PJJ. this is definitely a bigger obstacle. OH dah buat istikharah, and going off is th best for him, and he feels that it's best that i follow him too, but after every issues that is hindering me settle.

echan - nak akak jadi ice berukir tengah² malam kat russia jual carbonara????? hhehe. tak sukanya la hai winter.

aweng - setuju. it's just that jiwa kacau kejap.

yatie, zura - kena buat istikharah. hopefully dapat petunjuk apa yang terbaik untuk semua orang.

ps zura - rela ke buat netwrk sorang²? hikhik.

linie - it's very unpleasant, with what had happened in the past. pretty much, it haunted me, kinda. hopefully everything will falls smooth and i won't be in deep arguement again. :D

joegrimjow said...

alamak
duk jauh adiah?
no no

mesti ade jalan yg terbaik
mgkin masa tidak lagi muncul

ayin1911 said...

HI Capt,

Been a while huh??well..the best way semayang istikharah..

On d other note, russia sgt sejukk..klo ur kids senang demam or anything related dgn cold weather. u better think twice. Sian budak2 nanti..huhu..