:: my delivery experiences ::

ok, now that i've entered my 36 weeks of pregnancy, i think i should blog about my previous delivery experiences for the sake of revision (yep, contraction can be a very matter, that you practically don't know, "are we there yet?")

sometimes, bila pikir balik, lagi banyak kali kita mengandung dan bersalin, lagi takut perasaan. tu i la. sebab masa first time dulu, lebih kepada excited. tatau apa yang hendak dijangka, so redah jerrr. tapi bila dah masuk 2nd and 3rd time, dia makin gelabah. serius. dulu masa first time, labour bag pun tak ready. can u believe it? tapi logik la sebab the twins were delivered @ 32 weeks.

ok, lemme present you with my exclusive experiences - the first two pregnancies.

:: First Pregnancy ::

my 'old' readers may know that i was diagnosed with endometriosis (stage 4) after 1.5 year of marriage. i was in and out of treatment for about 2 years before i finally conceive my twin via IVF at second attempt. yeah, trying to conceive them has put me high and low in life, hence i truly appreciate the experiences that my OH and i have gone through that period. it was tough.

carrying multiples mean higher risk. at 12 weeks or so, i bled and immediately rushed to the hospital. the dr said that one of my twin is lying low, hence the probabilty to miscarriage is high. i was put on bedrest for like 3 months and only join work after almost 14-15 weeks of pregnancy if i'm not mistaken.

life during bedrest involved cerita bawang putih bawang merah, the philippine drama, 24-7 sickness, medication inserted through vagina and almost 23 hours of bedrest. i only woke up for my shower, bath and answering nature's call. i only took the stairs once in two weeks, itu pun sebab pegi hospital or kalau terpaksa turun to shut the alarm off.

bila masuk kerja, kepala pun ala2 haywired. bayangkan how many months of medical leave?? boss kasik kerja pun very light. i was lucky to get a boss who is very supportive and understanding. she supported me in all ways.

i was so huge when carrying the twin. nobody could pass by if i stand perpendicular to the partition. i gained 20kgs over the period of 32 weeks, and i can't see my thighs whenever i looked down. wearing panties and pants are such a challenge, that i need help from my OH. yeah.

and i still remember the 'day' it happened. a few weeks before, i remember addressing my concern to OH on my worries being left behind alone, as he and my parents will be leaving for terengganu on the 16/8/2007 to attend my bro in law's wedding. but the concern was being brushed off, as this is a significant event for the family.

that eventful day of 15/8, OH has just returned from JB after attending his engineering away day. i remember we having dinner at mom's place. OH baru jek sudah makan, and washed his hand. took a glas of water and sit in front of me at the dining table with mom, when i suddenly shrieked out (okay, that's exxagerating) gasped out my curiosity.

"apsal nih????" i let myself out. why on earth i tak boleh tahan my own pee???? but it seems to flow endlessly. nasib baik la maid mak tuh kasik inject dalam kepala the notion that i've broke my water. terus gelabah tukau kain batik and rushed to hospital.

masuk2 jek hospital, terus kena hantar labour room. i seriously don't know what to expect. i felt nothing. frankly speaking takde rasa sakit langsung. tuh yang muka masuk hospital lenggang gemalai, sampai nurse tanya, "tak sakit ke?" i mmg blank at that time sebab i felt nothing. nurse kata contraction dah full.

guess apa yang sakit? sakit check opening. my goodness.. can't the medical researchers team think of something less painful. serious sakit and i hate it so much. mmg i tak malu cakap, i tak tahan langsung bila nurse did that procedure, sampai last2 dia give up, dia kasik aku laughing gas untuk tahan sakit. boleh?????? sungguh memalukan.

tapi bila check opening baru 2 cm. aku dah decide time2 tuh jugak, i don't mind having c-sect as long as my babies are safe. so dr dtg and surpress the contraction. kasik dexa bagai walaupun aku dah amek at 24 weeks to help the babies' lung to mature.

operation was postponed a day later. i was c-sect-ed (if there's such word) on 17 august 2007, the day my brother in law was solemnized and the day my mom celebrated her 53rd birthday. since i dah selalu sangat masuk OT before the delivery, i'm pretty much calm as i know what to expect. (sesungguhnya aku rela dicucuk guna jarum yang besar itu rather than going thru the process of checking the opening).

OH was allowed to witness the whole procedure. afiq and adib was born 4 minutes apart. OH azankan both boys and they were soooooo tiny! imagine 1.77kg an 1.9 kg? and they had to stay in the NICU for 3 weeks before dr released them.

:: Second Pregnancy ::

second pregnancy was an easy peasy one. a DIY baby. no morning sickness, pretty much, i was healthy through out the pregnancy period, except that i kena batuk2 during my final trimester that it took weeks to recover.

i carried the baby for 38 weeks and 5 days. i didn't miss any A&C and pretty much it was very smooth.

this time round, i didn't had any show. no bloody show, no water. nothing. cuma selalu cramping towards final weeks of pregnancy. i remember the pain started to show in the middle of the night but i didn't wake my OH up. i tried to contain the pain, unknowingly i'm having contraction. yeah, i never knew i could be that pain! i remained silent till i can't take it anymore. woke my husband up and told him how i felt. we were having our night at my mom's place that very night. mak advised me to just go the hospital and have a check. siap marah suruh berhenti nangis (i was in serious pain dah masa tuh) sebab takut takde energy buatnya nak kena push malam tuh jugak. so i quickly took my shower (yeah sempat lagi) n performed my prayers (isyak.. tido awal that night) and off to hospital. on the way, dropped by at my house, picked up my labour bag.

sampai2 wad, terus admitted to labour room. i remember my brother who accompanied me to the hospital asking me, "sakit sangat ke long?" i just can't answer. SAKIT GILA.

masa admitted, check2 opening, baru 2 cm, but the nurses found it hard to locate my baby's heartbeat. rupa-rupanya my angel baby dah di penghujung nyawa. the dr later confirmed that there's no fetal heartbeat activity, meaning it's a stillbirth baby.

until now, masih tak tahu apa puncanya. cuma makcik yang tolong cucikan uri tuh cakap my uri was red, which mengikut pandangan dia tak sihat. placenta abruption ka? i don't know.

dari pregnancy yang kedua nih, one lesson that i've got is "always trust your feeling as a mother."

it took me sometime to overcome the grief. syukur i have a stern mom who always remind me about my existing 2 kids that i'm responsible of. that keep me moving.

so i wonder, with the two unique experiences, how will it be this third time? will it be bloody show or wet? will it be planned or will it be emergency c-sect? will it be normal? apa pun caranya, i pray to Allah, on the lil one and my safety. i'm hoping for a safe and smooth delivery. and i'm trying to keep myself alert with any changes etc.

hope this lengthy entry can give a shed of light to those who're expecting.

teringat kata-kata my former boss yang beranak 9, "saya yang dah 9 kali beranak nih pun, setiap kali beranak takut"

so takut is normal. :D