Saturday, March 14, 2009

:: sharing my journey towards conception with the twins ::

i'm trying to blog with afiq on my lap. he decline to have his morning nap, while adib has already starts his dream (read ~ sleep) (i finally put afiq down, as i keep on 'haip!' every other letter i type. haha!)

what to tell? what to share?

one of my blog reader requested me to email her my share of story ~ my journey towards conception and having my own kids. i believe i actually had one entry before, but i can't remember when. so tak pe la, since i pernah cakap to my hubby, i'd love to share my story with anyone, and lend a helping hand and advises to lift spirit up.

it all started after a year and half of marriage, after returning from my master's degree. my mom went bising to me, asking me to have check ups bla bla since i haven't conceive yet. so after much persuassion, i went to my GP to get referral letter (since hubby's company cover untuk infertility investigation.) but the answer was then, 'u baru jek kawen. there's nothing to worry about.'

but then, i can't remember when, i pursuade jugak dr tuh utk kasi referral letter. and i had my first examination kat satu private hospital with a lady gynae. so masa tuh, dia discover i ada endometriosis.

at that time, i didn't do much reading/research on my own penyakit that i endured. i ended up depending on the dr's advise solely. she advised me to perform IUI - a form of conception procedure - less expensive than IVF without having my problem treated. i did that twice. and yeah, none was successful.

i feel at that time, i can't go on with this gynae. i went to another gynae - so called FAMOUS one. he said, i need to go through laparatomy (open cut) to remove the cyst. before i decided to go through that, i asked for second opinion from a dr yang amalkan perubatan alternatif tapi moden & islamic. he suggested the same thing. he said if i tak perform this operation, i might lose my rahim totally. so i have no choice, i went through the laparatomy - painful okay!

6 months later, i dtg buat check up lagi sekali, he ended up telling me i still had my cyst. what the heck?? aku dah go through sucha painful procedure and he's telling me that? again? i dah mula hilang percaya kat ini dr. i decided i wanted another opinion from another gynae. so this time i went damansara fertility centre in uptown damansara (now TMC kat kota damansara).

yes, dr kata i ada lagi that cyst, and masa tuh stage 4. stage 4 - severe. he suggested that i performed keyhole surgery - less painful + fast recovery. he said, he can't comment on what the previous dr has done. so i buat la jugak this keyhole surgery. memang cepat baik - 1 week i dah masuk opis balik.

kat klinik nih la, i finally decided to go through IVF. first attempt unsuccesful. dia kata my ovum was very poor, that it didn't reflect my age at all. 2 months after the first IVF, i made another attempt with maximum dose ubat segala. alhamdulillah, that one - FRUITFUL. i manage to conceive a pair of twin boys.

but one thing to share on IVF thingy - it ain't as easy as we thought it could be. hari² kena inject perut for 1 - 1.5 months - (sendiri buat. but in my case, my hubby was my dr and my nurse) bukan satu injection, tapi 2-3 depending on time and jenis ubat yang kena amik. that injection kena amik pagi, at the same time every day. mmg menduga kesabaran sesangat. my perut went lebam² because of the injections.

pregnancy pun agak teruk. morning sickness (why do they call it morning sickness when i get it 24-7?) during the first trimester. bleeding, threatened abortion, bleeding masa first trimester, bed rest for the first three months.. name it. i had it all. tapi demi nak kan anak, i sabarkan hati and waded through. i mean after all efforts, i definitely hope it'll be safe and smooth.

32 weeks later, i gave birth to beautiful, adorable twin on 17 august 2007 on my mother's 53rd birthday, and on my bro in law's wedding day. beautiful and bless - perhaps that's the best way to express how i feel.

8 months later - i was surprised by the two lines, again.. :D that one - DIY punya baby. dr cakap - infertility nih susah sgt nak diexplain. but that pregnancy was the chosen one. anak yang dikandung dipanggil Ilahi hours short befor his so called birthday.

itulah journey aku serba sket. macamana aku dan hubby diduga.

but supports from family and friends sangat² membantu. i remember one beautiful advise from my old buddy from school. in short kata dia cam gini. <
we have to do all that we can do. so that, if u're destined not to have any child, u won't regret not doing things that u can do. u can walk, and put your head high, saying 'i've tried my best'
that keeps me moving and never give up hope. so, all in all, it took me more or less a year and a half of in and out hospital, befor afiq and adib finally arrived in my arms.

hope this could give some insight to those battling with infertility. to others, don't make life harder for them, for infertility itself is hard enough. janganlah dibebankan kawan² u all yang striving for babies dengan kata² yang sangat² menyakitkan. trust me, i've gone through that, and at times, they come from ridiculous persons.

in short, find supportive friends. read and research. do what u should and can do. most of all, never forget to pray. (bagi yang muslim, cubalah amalkan 2 ayat terakhir dari surah at-taubah sebagai pengiring doa)

hang in there yeah! knowing u're not alone is IMPORTANT.


ummul aqeem said...

thanx aishah for the strong and amazing experienced!
bg yg susah nk dapat anak aje tau mcmana rasanya kan!.. susah payah.. keluar masuk hospital..bermacam cara cuba, namun semuanya hampa.. tambahan plak dpt pasangan yg kureng cooperative.. since dia dah ada 3 boys kot!. sometimes i easily become so paranoid!. sbb bile check-up kami sgt2 okay.. tp after miscarriage last 3 years i stopped trying.. sbb i scared to death that something wrong wif my rahim.. i have been in really traumatic time.. i ingat i dah mati hari tuh..

i dah cuba bermacam2. i rasa i dah buat yg terbaik.. walau i xpenah putus asa bt 30% i dah trima ketentuan ilahi nih..i jugak do the adoption.. so most of my time i concentrate on him.. i'm back to traditional way.. bt i ada gak think of IVF. i leh go thru ke IVF things nih?.. since most of the time i'm alone!
takut, resah, emosi,memacam ada.. and again my ovulation failed..

aishah zaharin said...

ummul aqeem-
Allah takkan duga kita dengan sesuatu yang tak mampu kita tanggung. insya Allah. i believe that selagi kita boleh usaha dan tak salah dari segi hukum syarak, apa salahnya kita cuba. in short at least kita cuba. kalau tak cuba, nanti² bila tua dok terkenang².. kalaulah tu, kalaulah nih.. sudahnya, kita balik yang menyesal tak sudah.

other than that, believe that Allah knows what is best for His servants. i'm always here to lend my shoulders to cry on, ears to listen, and heart to advice. take one thing at a time. bila mind dah tak hazy, fikir dalam² what to do. kekadang tuh bila kepala serabut, decision kita buat pun tak wise.

take care. hang in there yeah!

ummul aqeem said...

betul tuh.. again tq so much. lega rasanya ada org betul2 faham ape yg dirasa..
i do need a break to clear my 'haziness'!

aishah zaharin said...

ummul aqeem - that's how u go strong lady!