:: Hajj : Makkah Al Mukarramah (Part 1) ::

:: Hajj : The journey to Makkah begins ::

Perjalanan dari Madinah ke Makkah mengambil masa lenih kurang 7 jam. Di awal perjalanan, air mata saya tidak henti mengalir. Sedih meninggalkan bumi yang penuh ketenangan, bumi yang di dalamnya tersemadi jasad manusia yang paling mulia di sisi Allah SWT. Sayu terkenang anak².

“Ya Allah, janganlah kau jadikan ziarah ini ziarah yang terakhir buat diriku ya Allah!!”

Kami berhenti seketika di Bir Ali, tempat bermiqat dari Madinah.

Bir Ali sudah cantik. Teratur dan tersusun. Mengambil kesempatan untuk solat sunat dan terus niat berihram di sini. Saya mahu ibadah haji saya dimulakan dengan penuh sempurna. Itu hajat saya.

Syukur Alhamdulillah, perjalanan kami dipermudahkan. Tidak sesat, bas pun ok, driver bas pun ok. Halfway, kami stop di “R&R” untuk solat jamak bagi zohor & asar as well as isi perut sikit. R&R di Madinah nih bukan macam R&R di Malaysia. Sempoi jek R&R dia. Macam pekan koboi. :)

Lepas solat etc, we continue our journey to Makkah. Before masuk ke kota Makkah, kami kena stop dulu dekat satu check point for pilgrimage. Di checkpoint ini, semua jemaah diberi ‘hadiah’ oleh kerajaan arab Saudi. Dapatla roti, biskut, air zamzam, susu, air kotak etc. semua tuh buat bekal dalam perjalanan menuju ke kota Makkah.
Almost 7 hours, kami mula menyusur masuk ke kota Makkah. Perasaan yang bercampur baur. Masuk ke kota Makkah, kami diguide untuk membaca doa masuk ke kota Makkah. Head to hotel. Masa sampai hotel dah almost maghrib. Ustaz menyarankan agar kami solat dulu di hotel, rehat sebentar sebab malam tu kami semua akan dibawa ke Masjidil Haram untuk menunaikan umrah wajib kami dan membebaskan diri dari larangan ihram.

:: Hajj : Umrah Wajib ::

Around 10pm, we gathered at hotel lobby. Badan pun dah refresh after 7 hours journey. Ustaz Rosli (Mantan Imam Negara) lead the group to Masjidil Haram. Masa di sini, we were divided into smaller groups bagi memudahkan mutawif membawa kami di dalam masjid.

Alhamdulillah, umrah wajib saya dan suami dipermudahkan. Tawaf dengan tenang, saie pun ok. Cuma keadaan di Bukit Safa agak sesak dan memerlukan sedikit kekuatan fizikal untuk mengharung manusia. Maybe sebab Bukit Safa adalah tempat permulaan saie. Mungkin jemaah yang mengambil masa yang agak panjang di situ menyebabkan kesesakan berlaku.

We settled our umrah at almost 12midnight. Syukur. Balik hotel, we all singgah satu kedai makan just beside the place we stayed to enjoy the Murtabak Sindhi – murtabak yang dibakar dengan inti telur + daun kucai, dimakan dengan cili hijau yang besar² (macam cili hidup/merah). No kuah.

:: The Hotel ::

Sebelum bertolak ke Madinah lagi, Ustaz Harun (Rayhar’s MD) dah brief kepada bakal jemaah kemungkinan² yang akan ditempuh semasa di Madinah, Mekah, Arafah & Mina. Briefing tu banyak membantu we all prepare ourselves di sana. Ustaz kata, once sampai Mekah, the level of comfort akan jatuh merudum compared to Madinah. And yep, pertama kali menjejak kaki masuk ke hotel, saya dan suami memperingatkan diri untuk banyak bersabar. Hotel yang akan kami duduk selama sebulan ini pretty small. Takde wardrobe utk simpan baju, and we’re living out of the suitcase. Tapi Alhamdulillah, as days progressed we get more comfortable and make the best out of the limitation.
For readers info, kerajaan arab Saudi memang ada standard keluasan bilik yang perlu dipenuhi oleh semua company. So, memandangkan musim haji nih adalah musim yang terover super peak, the room size gets smaller compared to umrah.

Our hotel dengan masjid tak jauh. Roughly 250m door to door. Tapi nak sampai dalam masjid tuh adalah 500m jugak jalan. We estimate that dalam satu hari kami jalan lebih kurang 4km. Our hotel dekat area Bukit Marwah, dekat dengan masjid Kucing. I didn’t get any chance to pray kat masjid Kucing, husband adala few times. Dia pergi masjid kucing masa I tengah demam, and dia dah terlambat nak sampai ke Masjidil Haram.

:: Makan & Sahabat Lama ::

Ada masanya, saya dan suami saje nak mencari benda lain untuk dimakan selain yang diprovide oleh caterer, 3 kali sehari. Selalunya, kalau nak makan yang bet sket, kena pergi dekat As-Safwa towers sebab dekat situ jek yang ada kedai makan melayu. Dekat situ la dapat lepas gian makan roti canai (3 riyal) dengan teh tarik.

One night, lepas isyak, OH and me pun menapak la pegi as-safwa tower. I terus book seat, while OH pegi beli food. Sekali ada satu mamat melayu datang sebelah Tanya, whether seat kosong ke tak. Dengan muka poyosssss, I cakap ada. Sekali terus pusing balik kepala, sambil piker, apsal mamat nih muka sikit punya familiar daaa. Amek beberapa second memikir, and skali laaaaa – Azlan Aeis Fadhilah aka alan! He was my unimate la dulu kat UTM. Owh goodness! Sikit punya jauh nak jumpa balik. The last time I met him I believe was in year 2002 or 2003. Gila lama! Sempat la borak², update pasal life. Dia keja kat Mekah dah nak dekat 2 tahun. Rezeki kan dapat keja di tanah suci? Everyday dapat solat kat Masjidil Haram, and every year dapat pergi buat haji. Syukur.

Sempat la dia bawak OH and I pegi makan nasi arab. Layan! As well as men’tapau’kan samosa arab & kebab yang sangat fantastic pada tekak kitorang yang agak ke-malaysia-an nih. :)

:: Aidin & EBM ::

Siapa yang follow blog & facebook saya, pasti akan tahu keluh kesah saya semasa nak pergi haji, especially on Aidin yang masih fully breastfeed. Saya pening kepala memikir cemana nak hantar susu aidin dari tanah suci, as stok yang saya tinggalkan cuma mampu bertahan 0.5 month saje.

Di Madinah & Mekah, saya memang continue pumping as advised by doctor to ensure susu tak kering & mensus tak datang. Agak mencabar la jugak. Bila dah pump susu, OH akan tolong packkan dan simpan dalam fridge yang ada dalam bilik. Sampai at one point, fridge tuh penuh & we terpaksa tumpang bilik org lain untuk simpan susu.

Di Madinah, OH puas usaha nak hantar susu ke KL through courier. Tapi mengecewakan. Satu pun tak boleh deliver EBM. Adeh. Cemana nih. Last² angkut jek susu dari Madinah ke Mekah. Dalam masa yang sama, mula melaksanakan solat hajat dan memanjatkan doa kepada Allah agar penyusuan Aidin dipermudahkanNya.

Di Mekah, masih continue dengan solat hajat. Selang beberapa hari, bila balik dari masjid selesai solat Isyak, ustaz Rosli announced that Hj Harun (MD Rayhar’s Travel) akan balik ke KL the very next day. I pandang OH, OH pandang I. mungkinkah doa kami telah dimakbulkanNya? OH kejar Hj Harun and explained our problems dengan harapan dia boleh bantu kami bawa balik susu Aidin ke KL.

Alhamdulillah, he agreed to help us. Syukur ya Allah kerana mendengar doa kami. Malam tuh, OH rush pergi pharmacy and cari dry iced packs. Kat Mekah tak jumpa dry ice yang macam org jual aiskrim tu pakai, so we have to opt for the ones yang jual dekat pharmacy.

Susu aidin (amounting more or less 300 oz) selamat tiba di KLIA. Aunty tolong picked up dekat airport and bring back to KL. Syukur sangat² penyusuan badan Aidin tidak terganggu and that stock cukup sampai I balik KL after Hajj.
Both of us sangat ‘terkesan’ dengan peristiwa ini. We learned that doa yang sungguh² tuh didengar oleh Allah. Usaha sahaja tak cukup, kalau kita tak memohon dariNya kerana Dialah yang menentukan perjalanan hidup kita.
Subhanallah!

To be continued…

:: a hectic weekend ::

it was a super duper hectic weekend. to me, at least.

i was in the mood of cooking, that my mind plans a menu for both saturday and sunday. we were supposed to attend some kenduris so that was included in the plan as well. pagi tuh beria masak breakfast. (mood rajin la katakan)

but, little did we know that kids have better plans. lepas siap semua, aidin merengek nak tidur. terpaksa la mommy masak sikit utk abang2 for very late lunch, and early night all three dozed off! pukul 8 aircond dah on and lights off. phew!

ahad pun mengalami nasib yang sama. kenduri tak dapat nak pegi, tapi mommy had her cooking day. (kekadang, rasa cam therapy bila masak nih, tapi bab mess tuh, harap sangat ada kuasa magic, tetiba tersusun jek segala pots, mixer, plates, etc. :P)

breakfast was simple. mommy tak masak apa pun. anak² decided they want plain bread with nutella. mommy and daddy makan cereal. aidin pun sama makan his cereal.

lepas breakie, afiq is pesting me to make some cupcakes for him. dah 2 minggu dah dia request nak makan cupcake mommy buat. so akhirnya, buat la semalam untuk dia. he and adib tunggu i mix the batter sampaila ke part yang paling diorang suka, tabur choc chips dalam cake. udah lerr jadi lagi banyak choc chip dari cake!

lepas masak cake, buat lunch. made some baked pasta. sent some to nieces, nephew and brothers. rasa sgt bersalah makan baked pasta. veryyyyy cheesy and oooh, there goes my healthy diet! adeh.

petang tuh, ada visitors datang rumah. husband's friend and uncle dtg. i tetiba masuk mode panic sebab tau dalam fridge agak kering kontang. tgk2 material, yang boleh dimasak is sizzling mee. so, masak la sizzling mee 2 kali sebab visitors datang at different time with no warning. hehe. kira surprise visit la nih.

malam dah flat. sempat jugak la gosok baju beberapa helai, before i finally gave ini, sebab aidin asyik merengek saje. didn't get good sleep tho as aidin didn't sleep well.

nasib pagi nih tak mengantuk sangat. masih boleh drive and on time sampai office, tho terlewat bangun. thanx to school holiday sebab bila school hols tarak jam. :)

kay la people. take care. bye!

:: It's all about aidin ::

aidin is a little boy who's easy to please. sangat senang senyum walaupun ngantuk tahap gaban.

sangat suka makan apa yang mommy masak. so every week, i akan masak 3-4 different food, puree it and freeze it untuk 1 week stock. that's the best that i can do for him.

he likes to eat bayam + potato + carrot + rice + meat. that's his top favourite.

suka jugak makan pumpkin + potato + rice + ikan goreng (i tried salmon, n dia makan menjilat jari)

i've tried sweet potato on him too, and he likes it too.

the other day, i bought (emergency case) fruity oat from baby ambrosia @ the curve masa jalan² kat sana. and he ate A LOT!

mommy is running out of idea apa lagi nak masak untuk lil' dindin this week. kesian pulak kat dia dok makan benda sama..

i think i'll go for:-

- oats + banana + mango + apple + cinnamon
- potato + rice + spinach + carrot + meat
- brocolli + potato + rice + carrot + fish
- pumpkin + sweet potato + carrrot

4 types cukup rasanya untuk 4 meals a day. yep aidin makan up to 4 times a day.. tapi badan dindin kecik sajekkkkk. aidin is 8.5 months but baru 7.4kg. aidin lasak teramat lasak, compared to his twin brothers. twin brothers dulu, mommy boleh baring² sambil jaga, but aidin?? no way!

it took me roughly 2 hours to complete preparing aidin food (prepare-cook-puree-pack). but it's all worth it. so, sabtu pagi, while preparing for aidin's food, masa tuh jugak la prepare breakfast. the mess? jangan tanya. :P

rindunya aidin yang ada kat umah!

:: Break ::

Kita break sekejap dari cerita haji.

dah lama tak cerita pasal the kids, my buah hati pengarang jantung. :D

2 weeks time, kids will start schooling. yep, u read it right, SCHOOL!!! gosh i feel old. and suddenly terasa, agagagagga sudah agak susah untuk pegi holiday sesuka hati kerana diorang pun ada activity tersendiri. huhuhuhuhu. diorang yang nak sekolah, mommy yang nervous lebih. ye la kan. my first born!!

tapi mind sangat serabut. maid masih belum ada replacement. life tak settle down dengan sebaiknya. masih hidup secara pagi hantar rumah mak, malam balik tido umah sendiri. tak rasa keadaan ini kondusif untuk anak² yang nak membesar dan belajar. cemana weh?? makin lama makin rasa nak berhenti, tapi masih sedar diri ekonomi keluarga memerlukan kedua-dua parents untuk bekerja. ke ada yang i apply sbg pHd under JPA scholar? get local uni. tapinya, i tau myself, it's not going to be easy! silap haribulan, lagi busy! (kalau sambung master by COURSE, no hal. hehe)

kids are SOOOOOOO talkative nowadays. in a good sense, actually. samada larat ngan tak larat nak layan jek.

meh share cerita adib..

:: cerita baju ::

i bought the twin new long sleeve tshirt, their choice (owh, they have their say too!), ada gambar big dump truck printed on it. (sila pergi FOS wangsa walk mall - sangat murah 2 pieces for RM16. :)) they loved it so much, that my brother mula menyakat nak pinjam baju baru tuh.

pak lang (my bro) : adib, pak lang nak pinjam baju adib. boleh tak?
adib : tak boleh. baju adib kecik. pak lang tak muat. baju afiq besar. pak lang muat.

intelligent kan menyelamatkan harta sendiri???

:: cerita seluar ::

adib sekarang sorry la nak pakai seluar 'katuk'. (katuk means seluar cotton pendek, yang selalu bebudak pakai kalau duduk kat rumah). to him, it's not cool & tak hensem. almost EVERYDAY pakai jeans kat rumah. dah la pakai jeans, tak nak yang 3/4! nak yang panjang saje. kunun² macam daddy ngan pak sedara dia semua gamaknya.

one day, he was wearing an army printed long pants kat rumah, yang to him 'cool'. sekali lagik la, pak lang dia menyakat nak pinjam seluar.

pak lang : adb, pak lang nak pinjam seluar askar adib boleh tak?
adib : tak boleh. pak lang tak muat.
pak lang : muat!
adib : tak muat!
pak lang : muat!
adib : tak muat! nanti nampak bird.

miahahahahahaha

:: cerita adib sound afiq :

afiq pulak on the other hand banyak tanya. teramat banyak, and bila dia dah habis tanya the sets of questions, dia akan repeat balik the first question yang dia tanya memula. sometimes, i get annoyed, but remembering what kak raja advised me before, layankan saje semangan inquisitive si afiq nih.

we were on our way back to our home sweet home. as usual, afiq tanya macam² soalan, that adib suddenly asked afiq..

"Afiq, kenapa Afiq nih cakap banyak sangat?"

guess what is afiq's reply??????

sengih kantoi!

cerita afiq pulak..

afiq sekarang sangat suka ikut my OH pegi surau. being parents, i memang suka dia ikut sebab boleh cuba tanam cintakan solat di surau dari kecik, but at the same time, i risau takut dia mengganggu jemaah solat. (only after i came back from hajj that i know, he followed my 2nd brother to solat jumaat!!!! nasib tak kacau orang!)

so, one fine day, my OH bawak la both afiq and adib to surau. sebelum solat tuh, macam² amanat dah my husband bagi.

jangan cakap kuat². jangan naughty. kena behave. jangan main². duduk elok². etc.

imam pun angkat takbir solat.

guess what happened?

afiq (dengan kuatnya) : Adib, semayang laaa!
adib : afiq, jangan cakap kuat².

kesimpulan : daddy tak khusyu' solat.

and what is up with my lil' aidin????


aidin is now actively crawling. sudah ada 6 batang gigi. sangat best bila bab makan. :D puas hati buatkan macam² puree untuk dia. (i masak sekali untuk 1 minggu punya makan for aidin. freezekan). habis aje makan! sangat jeles bila abang² bermanja² dengan mommy. cannot let me be out of his sight. suka main toy abang, tapi toy seniri tak suka.

okayla peeps. i miss my boys. wanna go home now! bye!

:: Haji : Madinah Al Munawwarah ::

:: The journey ::

Perjalanan ke Madinah Al Munawarrah mengambil masa lebih kurang 8 jam. Syukur Alhamdulillah, perjalanan sangat smooth, despite air kat toilet habis half way through the journey. Food was okay. I wasn’t being choosy, but I memang hardly habis ‘flight food’.

We arrived in Madinah few minutes before Subuh. A colleague of mine advised me to take wudhu’ before touching down, but then keadaan dalam flight tak mengizinkan. Turun saja dari flight terus rush ke toilet (before it gets crowded) to take wudhu’. Solat subuh secara berjemaah at a corner (they don’t have proper surau like Malaysia).

Our patience was first tested here. A simple immigration procedure took almost 4 hours to clear. Syukur we brought some food as bekal. Terlentok² tertidur sambil duduk dalam queue line kat immigration. Thanks to TM for sponsoring the mat. Ngee! We made use of the mat to the max till the day we depart back to KL.

:: The Hotel ::

After clearing the immigration, we then were transferred to our hotel. On our way to hotel, we were introduced to Jabal Uhud, yang dari jauh dah nampak warnanya kemerah-merahan, bekas simbahan darah para syuhada’. Subhanallah!

Our hotel (Dallah Taibah) dekat dengan Masjid Nabawi, roughly 50m walking. Keluar saja lobi hotel dah boleh nampak dataran masjid, and terus masuk ladies punya area. Alhamdulillah. Dekat jek. First day sampai, we were shown our way to the masjid supaya tak tersesat.

:: Madinah & Masjid Nabawi ::

Masjid Nabawi has developed a lot. The last time I datang, (which is 10 years ago), masjid belum dibesarkan lagi. Masa dulu, antara masjid dengan perkuburan Baqi’ ada jalan. Sekarang antara masjid dengan perkuburan Baqi’ is dataran masjid! Dulu nak masuk Raudhah, pintu Raudhah dekat luar masjid. Sekarang nak masuk Raudhah, it is jauh dalam masjid.

Masjid Nabawi segregates jemaah muslimin dengan muslimat unlike Masjidil Haram. Walaupun masjid dekat, tapi kalau berhajat untuk solat di dalam masjid (untuk Muslimat), u have to make your way to the masjid early (at least an hour before waktu masuk). Masjid Nabawi is carpeted, but not fully. Saf² depan takde carpet, and this Masjid is air conditioned. Saf² depan nih selalu kosong, so take the advantage by bringing your own prayer mat (lebih selesa kalau bawak yang tebal sikit, sebab aircond ducts bawah lantai, sangat sejuk and can cause discomfort to your pinggang).
Untuk jemaah Muslimat, the security untuk masuk ke dalam masjid adalah agak tight. Security guard ada kat setiap pintu untuk check our bags. The guards also jadi macam penunjuk arah, tunjuk kawasan mana yang masih kosong untuk solat. Untuk jemaah Muslimat, phone yang ada camera tak dibenarkan dibawa masuk ke dalam masjid. If you’re caught bringing one, you have to surrender your phone @ counters yang disediakan and claim it when you’re leaving the masjid.

Itu cerita dalam masjid.

Let’s share cerita di sekitar kawasan masjid.

Urusan keluar masuk masjid Nabawi (especially keluar) agak sukar. Sukar in the sense of ‘kepadatan’ manusia. Jalan keluar daripada masjid selalu clogged up dengan Muslimin crowds yang menunggu partner mereka keluar dari kawasan muslimat. Selain tu, the way out selalu constricted dengan peniaga² yang banyak menjual (hampar kain/tolak carts) betul² luar pintu masjid selepas waktu solat. Kalau yang membawa orang tua tuh, kena banyak bersabar and hati².

Sekarang Madinah dah modernized. Pengaruh western in terms of economic sudah mula mempamer wajah. Stall Starbucks dibuka betul² sebelah pintu masuk masjid Nabawi. Not to mention Mothercare, & H&M. On our way to ziarah, (I’m not sure whether the outlets are in Tanah Haram/Halal), I saw McD, Pizza Hut, Subway etc.
Kata ustaz Rosli (mantan imam Negara) yang mengetuai bimbingan agama pakej yang I ambil, tanah Madinah adalah tanah yang termahal di dunia. Saya terfikir, mungkinkah kerana tersemadinya jasad manusia yang paling mulia di sisi Islam di sini? Wallahu’alam.

Ketenangan di bumi Madinah sukar saya gambarkan. Badan saya naik la duduk Madinah. Makan sedap, masjid dekat and hati tenang, formula yang cukup baik untuk menambah berat badan. Boleh kata every lunch and dinner, saya akan melantak desserts yang best². BLISS!

:: Birthday & Raudhah ::

Saya adalah orang yang sangat treasure important dates of my loved ones, especially birthdays. Bila saya macam tuh, saya expect benda yang sama dari my OH. (I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it!) Dah 3 tahun saya tak celebrate birthday saya dalam keadaan riang ria. Selalu berduka lara sebab OH commited pada kerja.
Tapi tahun ini, Allah beri saya sesuatu yang cukup istimewa, yang insya Allah, akan saya kenang sampai akhir hayat saya.

21/10/2010 - pakej haji yang saya ambil telah arrangekan satu lawatan ke Raudhah yang akan diketuai oleh Ustazah Hamidah, leader Muslimat pakej kami. Waktu menziarah Raudhah untuk Muslimat telah ditambah, dari sekali sehari ke 3 kali sehari. Ustazah menyusun waktu agar kami cuba menziarah Raudhah pada waktu malam, around 10pm mula berkumpul di lobi hotel.

Berdasarkan pengalaman umrah yang lalu, nak masuk Raudhah bukanlah perkara yang mudah. Dulu saya pergi dengan mak. Mak ibarat sumber kekuatan saya, kali nih saya sendiri ditemani ibu saudara dan nenek yang pastinya aura semangatnya tidak sama dengan ibu sendiri.

Setelah diberi taklimat, kami bergerak ke masjid dengan harapan mahu masuk ke dalam Raudhah dan bersolat serta berdoa kepadaNya. Untuk musim haji, jemaah Muslimat disusun mengikut ‘region’ untuk masuk ke dalam Raudhah. South East Asia, China, Pakistan, India, Arab etc semuanya diasing²kan mengikut region untuk masuk ke dalam Raudhah. Kami diarah queue untuk masuk. Sementara menunggu giliran masuk, Ustazah menyarankan agar kami melaksanakan solat sunat hajat agar segalanya dipermudahkan oleh Allah.

Setelah menunggu lebih kurang half an hour, our turn masuk ke dalam Raudhah pun sampai. Saya dan nenek mendapat ruang solat yang agak sempit. Dapat menunaikan solat sunat sebanyak 4 rakaat. Usai solat, ustazah memanggil saya & nenek ke hadapan Raudhah untuk kawasan solat yang lebih selesa. Syukur yang tidak terkira, pada malam saya berusia 30 tahun, saya diberi keizinan olehNya untuk bersolat di Raudhah sebanyak 6 rakaat, sesuatu yang tidak pernah saya fikir akan saya dapat sepanjang hidup saya. Terima kasih Ya Rabb! Tears dropped tanda syukur. Cumanya sekarang, dari kawasan Raudhah (Muslimat side) dah tak nampak makam Nabi.

Dan sebagai belated birthday treat, OH brought me to KFC the very next day for dinner. KFC pun KFC la……

:: Ziarah Sekitar Madinah ::

Kami dibawa ziarah di sekitar Madinah to learn more about the history of Islam.
Among the places that we visited was Saqifah Bani Sa’idah, tempat di mana Saidina Abu Bakar As Siddiq dilantik menjadi khalifah selepas kewafatan Nabi Muhammad SAW. Kawasan ni macam satu garden kecik, a green garden in a desert. Ustaz kata, once masuk jek dalam taman nih, u can feel the difference. Rasa sejuk dan nyaman, and subhanallah! It’s so true! Masuk jek dalam garden nih, sejuk jek rasa, though sebelum masuk tadi rasa agak panas.

Kami juga dibawa melawat Jabal Uhud, ziarah makam para syuhada’ yang shahid dan ziarah masjid para sahabat Nabi. Sepanjang ziarah, kami diperkenalkan dengan sejarah kawasan-kawasan yang dilawat yang membuatkan diri rasa terlalu kerdil dari aspek keimanan dan ketaqwaan kepada Allah SWT. Macamana kita nak menghadap Pencipta kita di akhirat nanti dengan keimanan yang terlalu sedikit????? Astaghfirullah..

:: Ziarah Wada’ dan Selamat Tinggal Madinah ::

29/10/2010 - we were scheduled to leave Madinah for Makkah, after Subuh. Selepas solat subuh, me, OH and nenek menziarah makam Rasulullah untuk mengucapkan selamat tinggal. Perasaan sangat² bercampur baur. Rasa sedih, sayu, pilu semua ada. Memang meleleh² air mata, memohon agar ziarah ini bukanlah ziarah yang terakhir untuk diri ini. Moga diberi umur yang panjang, rezeki yang halal, kesihatan yang baik dan kelapangan masa untuk kembali ke bumi yang penuh dengan ketenangan ini dengan keluarga tercinta.

Dan perjalanan ke Makkah Al Mukarramah pun bermula dengan linangan air mata. Labbaikallahummalabayk!

:: Hajj - The Day We Left ::

it was a busy 19th october 2010.

spent the day at home, nak finalize packing plus repair rumah plus mengemas rumah, so that balik nanti tak la teruk sangat nak mengemas.

afiq felt uneasy, as he can see there're 2 big bags. dia tau dia akan kena tinggal, and he felt so uneasy.

lunch time, we went out to JJ. (sempat lagi) pegi makan McD melayankan anak bujang 2 orang itu, and sempat di'pow' oleh afiq and adib beli toy. mengenangkan nak tinggal diorang lama (or more importantly, we ran out of time!), layankan saja.

lepas lunch, balik rumah mak. the original plan was to bersiap at my in law's place, but kids changed the plan. (nasib baik in law's house 2-3 mnit drive jek from mom's place). adib felt asleep, and kitorang pun terus la bersiap kat umah mak. lepas mandi segala mala, we pushed off to my in law's place, sbb dah arrange dengan orang surau untuk bertolak dari rumah my in law's.

bila sampai rumah my in law's, it's almost maghrib. grabbed some dinner.

masuk waktu maghrib, solat maghrib & musafir. afiq cried like crazy when we were out of his sight. lepas solat semua, terus get ready untuk bertolak ke kelana jaya.

sementara tunggu orang surau sampai, sempat menyusukan aidin & put him to sleep. tak lama pun.

bila orang surau dah sampai, i was ushered out from the room. ustaz mula bacakan doa musafir, dan airmata sudah mula mengalir. ya Allah, hari itu benar-benar sudah tiba. saya akan meninggalkan anak² saya yang tercinta.

usai berdoa, mula bersalaman dengan saudara mara. paling sayu bila saya bersalaman dengan ibu sendiri, dan belum sempat saya memohon ampun, mak cakap, "mak ampunkan semua dosa along." ya Allah, ya Tuhanku.. rahmatilah ibuku!

lepas salam² semua, kami (me, OH and all my three kids naik kereta my FIL bertolak ke kelana jaya). otw, masih bf aidin. saya mmg gamble tinggalkan aidin without training him with formula milk. berserah dan benar² tawakkal kepada Allah pasal urusan menyusu aidin. i left him with roughly 240oz of milk.

sampai jek kat kelana jaya, orang dah start masuk departure hall. waited for my uncle and aunties yang akan pergi sekali. masa nih belum sayu lagi. tapi i dah start menjauhkan diri dari aidin, afiq and adib. mmg berdoa banyak² agar kami tidak terbeban dengan rasa rindu kepada anak². naluri ibu muda, anak masih kecil, normal la kan?

when the time to depart arrive, again, salam dengan semua org, and i can't help it bila bersalam dengan mak, abah, mama n papa. mmg saya nangis sungguh² masa nak tinggalkan semua orang, especially anak² saya yang masih terlalu kecil. saya patut berterima kasih kepada family dan anak² yang berkorban untuk saya bagi membolehkan saya menjalankan rukun islam yang kelima.

nasihat mak menyentuh hati saya,"along kena tabah.. mak dulu pun tinggalkan anak² kecik lagi masa pegi haji." dan itulah yang saya bawa bersama sebagai bekal semangat ke tanah suci.

kissed my kids, all three & terus pull luggage masuk departure hall. saya tak mahu toleh² mencari bayang wajah anak² lagi pada saat itu, takut hati terganggu lagi. kids helped a lot, as they didn't shed a tear pun masa i pegi, sbb sebelum tuh i dok tunjuk kat afiq the surrounding yang takde budak kecik ikut the parents to haji.

and the 8 hour journey to madinah al munawarrah begins. and husband bisik to me dalam flight, 1 out of 45 days begin.

"Labbaikallahummalabayk!"

:: i'm back!! ::

alhamdulillah, safely arrived in kl last sunday after 4 hours delay, without luggage though. :P luggage sangkut di jeddah.

wait for my coming entries on hajj. sekarang nih there's not much time, sebab i, myself is unwell, husband is unwell, aidin high fever.. so nanti2 i hapdet panjang2. it feels good to be home though i definitely miss the holy land of makkah and madinah.

salam peeps.

salam from holy city, makkah almukarramah

salam from makkah almukarramah

just a short update from me.

insya Allah, my husband & i will push off for wukuf this sunday.

please forgive us for all our wrongdoings n spare us a little prayer after solat. please make doa for our safety, patience n success in attaining haji mabrur.

wassalam

ps - excited and at the same time nervous waiting for wukuf.

:: it's tomorrow! ::

packing dah almost 95% done. agak mencabar rupanya nak pack for 45 days travel. :)

mind dah ready, soul dah ready. May Allah make this journey of faith a breeze.

sekarang ni dalam proses nak mengemas rumah. nak clearkan fridge, nak transport expressed breast milk (EBM) to rumah mak & MIL's. stock ada dalam 200 oz. most prolly aidin will be on formula at nights, sebab selalunya malam kalau dia terjaga tuh bukannya nak susu sangat pun, lebih pada nak 'manja-manja' dengan mommy.

these few days before push off nih, i spend banyak masa with kids. take them out, lunch here and there. layankan nak tengok toys. hari nih nak bawak pegi main kat kizsport.

food aidin pun dah prepared. buat 6 types, blend and freeze. so tak la susah sangat my mom nanti nak take care of my kids. syukur alhamdulillah, my youngest brother dah balik. ada la uncle yang boleh bawak gi jejalan.

okay la people. i'm not sure whether i akan update tak blog till i come back nanti. please pray for my safety and may husband and i attain haji mabrur.

Labbaykallahummalabaik..

:: Meninggalkan Cinta ::

tarikh bertolak ke madinah sudah semakin hampir.

sebagai ibu, pasti terselit rasa sayu untuk meninggalkan anak² yang masih kecil untuk satu tempoh yang lama. tapi di sebalik rasa sayu itu, aku patut belajar ketabahan siti hajar meninggalkan anaknya sewaktu nabi Ibrahim berkelana meninggalkan dirinya dan Ismail yang masih kecil.

membaca cebisan tulisan Dr Ridzwan Bakar mengiyakan perasaan saya. see here. saya bakal meninggalkan cinta hati saya demi mengejar haji yang mabrur. saya sudah mula dapat membayangkan suasana azan di rumah sebelum bertolak, suasana di kelana jaya, dan mula mengagak penerimaan anak² saya khususnya afiq dan adib yang sudah memahami erti tiada parents di sisi.

banyak peristiwa yang telah terjadi sebelum perjalanan haji ini bermula, dan ia banyak mengajar saya erti BERSERAH KEPADA ALLAH atas segala urusan. cumanya, kita haruslah berusaha dan bersedia untuk memberi yang terbaik dalam segala hal.

saya akui adakalanya air mata saya menitik mengenangkan anak² yang hendak ditinggalkan. tapi saya patut condemn diri saya yang sewajarnya melihat jauh ke hadapan tentang ganjaran-ganjaran yang telah Allah janjikan untuk hambaNya yang telah terpilih untuk menjadi tetamuNya di tanah suci.

saya sulamkan doa agar diri saya dijauhi dari rasa beban rindu kepada anak² dan sentiasa berada dalam keadaan terbaik agar kualiti ibadah saya tip top di sana.

amin.

:: seminggu lagi ::

seminggu dari sekarang, insya Allah, sudah bertolak ke madinah.

agak kelam kabut sikit skarang sebab masih banyak yang perlu dibuat sebelum pergi. nak bersihkan rumah, nak packing, nak spend time with kids, nak listkan pesanan-pesanan sahabat, macam².

sudah mula rasa sayu untuk tinggalkan anak² because i have never leave them for a long period. the longest would be 3 nights. but OH said, itu semua mainan syaitan. berdoa sangat agar saya dan anak² dijauhkan dari rasa beban rindu, agar dapat beribadah dengan tenang.

persiapan barang² boleh kata almost siap. cuma tinggal a few things jek kena beli.

semoga segalanya dipermudahkan, baik urusan di tanah suci mahupun yang ditinggalkan di bumi Malaysia ini.

anyway, nak share cerita afiq adib la plak..

:: afiq ::
scene : dalam kereta nak pegi kedai beli barang.

afiq : mommy, mommy dah keja?
mommy : dah.
afiq : mommy dah ada duit?
mommy : ada. tapi dah habis sebab mommy beli susu sama pampers.
afiq : ala...... (panjang ala dia) kenapa mommy amek duit banyak sangat?
mommy : (dah mula nak ketawa) kenapa? afiq nak beli apa?
afiq : afiq nak beli toy!!

(memang dah lama pun tak beli toy utk dia)

kesian anak mommy.. sabar yek.. mommy dah beli tapi tak kasi lagi. nak kasi just before mommy pegi haji so that u'll be occupied and won't remember me much.

scene : @ mom's place

mommy : afiq, nanti mommy nak pegi haji. afiq tinggal sama wan ok? mommy pegi lama tau
afiq : mommy pegi 2 saje. (2 hari saja)
mommy : lima (sambil tunjuk 5 fingers to him)
afiq : (bargaining) ok, 3 saje (while tunjuk 3 fingers..)

hope he understand.

:: adib ::
scene : black out dekat rumah. afiq as moving a little bit away from him

adib : apiq, jangan pegi sana. diri kat sini. ada monster. peluk adib.

(walhal dia yang takut sebenarnya!)

scene : tgh nak pakai seluar kat living room

adib : mommy!!!!!! bird adib panjang!!!

mommy : gelak guling². ok exxagerating. gelak saja. ;p

:: Scheduled Entry ::

dear readers,

it has been a while, i keep this under the drawer.

insya Allah, sekiranya diizinkan olehNya, my husband and i will be pushing off for Hajj this coming 19 october 2010.

with this, we'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for all our wrongdoings, samada sengaja atau tidak sengaja.

should we hutang any of you, please tuntut from us before we push off. (kalau tak nak tuntut, we beg you, mohon halalkan).

please pray for us, semoga perjalanan ini diberkati dan dirahmati selalu. semoga segalanya dipermudahkan dan kami dikurniakan haji yang mabrur. doakanlah jugak kesejahteraan families kami especially my three little heroes sepanjang peninggalan kami ke sana.

frankly speaking, hati saya berbelah bagi. separuh dari hati nih excited sangat nak pergi, and part of me macam kena sayat² bila mengenangkan 3 anak kecik yang kena tinggal, apatah lagi aidin masih full breasfeeding.

tapi saya tahu, saya harus yakinkan hati, segalanya akan dipermudahkan oleh Allah. dan seharusnya saya bergembira kerana Allah mahu beri pahala yang banyak kepada saya!

andai kita tidak bertemu lagi, titipkanlah doa buat kami dalam solat kalian.

kalau panjang umur, kita jumpa lagi.

Kami datang ya Allah, menyahut seruanMu!

:: health & kids ::

have been in and out of hospital for the past week, drawing blood from both hands, being sedated from endoscopic ultrasound, and the verdict - operation need to be done asap, except that it can't be done asap as i have other important arrangement. so postpone the op till december, while praying hard that there won't be any attack till op is done.at the moment, kena jaga makan. go for low fat food and take lots of liquid to help the gallbladder.

so that's health condition.

jom cerita pasal anak² pulak.

oh anak²ku sekarang sudah banyak pandai tanya soalan, yang kengkadang rasanya tak mampu nak dijawab dek akal dan mulut.

:: afiq ::

scene 1: trying to give him a bath at home. and he suddenly popped up a question..

afiq : mommy, mommy tak boleh mandi sama daddy kan?

me : err, no.

(sila jangan berfikiran kuning)

scene 2 : i was breastfeeding aidin in the room, and he popped up a question.
afiq : mommy, aunty tu ada susu tak? (he refer all women as aunty)

me : afiq, lain kali jangan tanya macam tuh!

(i know it's not right for me to say that to him as he is just curious, but i simply tatau nak kata apa!)

:: adib ::

scene : we just came back from jusco, and passed by the klang gate muslim cemetary. he suddenly said..

adib : assalamualaikum baby amin..

(baby amin is my late baby)

ooh.. sayu hati!

:: aidin ::

SUDAH TUMBUH GIGI AT 6 MONTH 3 DAYS! yeay!!!!

tu ler cerita bebudak 3 org yang sedang membesar. ahad nih akan hantar afiq and adib to kindy for assessment on readiness nak start skolah. i find the class interesting, and most importantly small ratio, as i believe they need attention. hopefully it's the right move as i want to let them learn in a fun way and enjoy themselves. i don't want to exagerate or pressure them. let it be fun (tapi harus juga ada disiplin ye)

okay la all. bye!

:: galstone? gastric? liver damage? ::

i'm worried about my health. i had i don't know fifth time perhaps, galstones/gastric attack for the past one month. dah kena buat scope, dr kata mild gastritis saje.

but yesterday attack boleh tahan lama. dari kul 11 pg sampai ke petang. last2 kul 3.30pm i surrender and called OH to pick me up. he sent me to ER @ pcmc. blood test revealed that my liver ada damage sikit, and i need to be referred to specialist (again!) 2 kali jab ubat tahan sakit baru la ok.

besarnya dugaanMu ya Allah. hopefully i'll hear some good news from the dr. just don't tell me i have to remove my liver, as i can't afford to have any surgery within this 2 months period.

ya Allah, sembuhkanlah aku dari segala penyakit.

:: mengarut ::

tetiba rasa cam nak quit job.

tapi tak ready pulak rasa utk tak dapat salary monthly.

pastu, rasa macam masih perlu contribute kepada negara (ecceh!)

erm, tapi kalau ai tetiba berhenti kerja, lepas tuh bukak bisnes jahit menjahit, u all rasa ada tak org nak tempah? (pegang mesin jahit pun 10 tahun sekali.. ehh ke baru sekali seumur hidup, tu pun pasal ada ERT subjek?)

sah aku tengah meraban.

:: contemplating : to privatize or not? ::

rindu anak². rindu afiq. rindu adib. rindu aidin.

mommy malas. mommy tak nak keja. mommy nak duduk rumah. mommy nak balik home sweet home with the kids. mommy nak have good time with kids and daddy of course.

hmm. berat hati nak buat nih, tapi kemungkinan besar blog ini akan diprivatize in short period. still contemplating, but terfikir balik, why am i giving in?? why and why?? i believe i don't do anything wrong by jotting down my points and opinions. kalau rasa tak suka and terasa hati, button close tuh sentiasa terbuka untuk ditekan bagi menamatkan pembacaan kan? because that's what i do. habis² aku ngomel sengsorang depan skrin, tapi tak la sampai menyekat kebebasan masyarakat untuk menulis. (lain la kalau aku tulis tuh very provokatif kan?)

so, just in case i go private, kepada yg ingin continue baca entries dari blog ini, drop by your email address & some intro on yourself dekat comment box. insya Allah, if i go private, you'll be one of my invited readers.

mode - bengang. tapi hak org lain jugak kan untuk mengekspresi apa yang diorang fikir. so aku tak patut bengang. tarik balik. :P

:: a belated raya wish ::

dengan rasminya ai dah jejak no. 4 atas penimbang.. weeewwooooo!

thanks to NO MAID.

serius mengah!

anyway, masih belum terlambat rasanya untuk wish salam aidilfitri kepada semua readers and maaf zahir batin, andai ada sebarang kekhilafan.

life has been hectic, hence tak sempat nak update blog. i'm very occupied with housework at home that i find office work is nothing! hats off to housewives!!!

afiq and adib dah makin lasak. recently dah move satu stage lagi - conteng dinding.. and to make things more interesting, guna marker pen warna merah, PERMANENT! adoiiiii!

aidin pun dah start weaning, though belum hit 6 months. dah start makan cereal @ 5.5 months. ok kot. sebab dia asyik lapar saje, and bf just seemed can't satisfy him.

the very much awaited day is getting nearer. nanti bila dah confirm baru ai announce kat blog. part of me rasa excited, part of me rasa sedih sebab i have to leave the kids behind for a longggggg period. tapi semua advise, tekadkan saja hati. so sekarang tgh pening memikir how on earth can i make sure aidin punya EBM cukup. maybe nak kena try power pumping yang macam mas cakap dalam blog maybe.

okay la people. take good care. da!

:: dah nak raya ::

cepat betul rasanya puasa tahun nih. kejap jek dah masuk hujung ramadhan. banyak yang tak terbuat tahun nih. mengaji kurang, tarawikh ada lubang. no one else to be blamed but myself, sebab tak pandai manage masa. this year round puasa maid takde, so housechores kelam kabut gila sikit.

insya Allah, i mula cuti hari khamis nih. tapi hari rabu before cuti, i've an appointment with dr, kena buat endoscopic. 2nd week puasa ari tuh sakit dada gila² and dr diagnose ada galstones. dr kata just leave it, but dia nak check kot² la ada infection ke apa. buat jek la.

persiapan raya biasa jek. kuih sebutir pun tak beli mahupun buat. sekadar beli sebalang kerepek buat bekal balik tgganu. i'm thinking of taking a day leave nak buat kuih for my kids, tapi sayang cutiiiii sebab ada probability nak kena pakai banyak this november. nak buat kuih cornflake ngan choc chip cookies. sebab itu jek pun yang laku ngan tekak anak² bujang ku itu.

bila dah lama tak berblog nih, hilang touch la nak type an entry. so i'd better stop here sebelum i start peningkan kepala you all dengan ntah apa² punya entry.. but before that, just to share few new vocabs anak² bujang yang diorang dapat from tv & daily chatting.

afiq and adib's latest vocab
owh silly me!
oh dear me!
slow down!
adib shedih (sedih)
peyash (frust)

yang paling best..

alam semulajadi.. (aku pun tatau mana diorang dapat! hahaha. tapi kelakar nengokkan kesungguhan nak cakap alam semulajadi)

:)

:: merapu meraban ::

aidin is 5 months old today. yeay!

one month to weaning. alhamdulillah, masih berjaya breastfeed exclusively tho bulan posa nih agak mencabar la. stok susu menyusut dengan jayanya, sebab aidin minum susu makin banyak tapi mommy's production makin menyusut. moga dipermudahkan-Nya, so that aidin will benefit from this breastfeeding.

kerja kat office makin melambak². ingatkan nak musim raya nih kurang sket keja, so boleh fokus on technical matters solely, tapi rupa²nya lain pulak jadik. adoi. nak buat cemana, harus harung jugak la kan???

bulan puasa pun dah masuk it's final quarter. kpi ramadhan sangat jauh tersasar. wallahualam.

tapi berat badan mak turun banyak! yeay! i believe main reason is kurang tido + housework banyak + maidless. bagus jugak takde maid nih, tapi utk temporary saje la.. sebab bila takde maid, with 3 kids, and housework and work, i seriously dah tak boleh bukak mata by the time malam utk spend quality time with anak². kesian kat mommy bebudak.

okay la peep. nak tunggu pak supir amek kat opis. lambat la pulak si adib settle ngan dentist. selamatla aku harung jam kejap lagi..

takpe drebar ada.. mak leh lelap.. (kalau anak tak kacau)

da!

:: mak bapak ::

baju setinggi gunung everest kat umah dah settle aku gosok just in time before saturday. haha. maka haruslah sabtu dan ahad digunakan untuk berhu.ha dengan anak² kat luar. :D

anyway, hari nih i don't intend to update on life, just nak share my point of view on few things, especially family.

almaklum la, bila kita dah berkahwin nih, keluarga makin berkembang. penglihatan kita makin luas, dan perkenalan dengan tabiat manusia juga semakin mendalam. bila dah kahwin nih, harus kita ingat, family sendiri dan family mertua tiada bezanya. (ingatan untuk diri sendiri juga). apatah lagi, bila kita yang anak perempuan ni. selalunya kita sebolehnya akan mendahulukan ibu kita, baru mertua, sedangkan dalam Islam, ibu sendiri dan ibu mertua tiada bezanya. hormatnya kita pada ibu mertua adalah sama levelnya dengan ibu sendiri. sebenci mana pun kita pada ibu mertua, kena la pandai handle perasaan benci tuh sebaik mungkin (nauzubillah).

tapi hakikat hidup hari ini, ramai anak menantu makin lupa daratan. ibu mertua datang ke rumah, layan pun tidak. nak solat ke apa ke, semua pepandai sendiri la carik tempat. di mata mungkin perkara nampak kecil, tapi jauh di sudut hati ibu mertua yang melahirkan suami kita, apa agaknya rasa di hati kan??

aku ingat lagi, ada satu akak kat opis aku. dia selalu ingatkan kitorang, sebelum buat apa², cuba pikir.. kalau dah tua esok ada menantu, nak ke menantu kita buat kita macam gitu? kata² akak tuh betul² terpahat kat kepala aku (apatah lagi anak aku semuanya lelaki..)

bila fikir balik, sedih menengokkan institusi keluarga yang makin hilang nilai, adab dan budaya melayu dalam kehidupan. di mana agaknya silapnya?

satu nasihat mak yang aku ingat sampai sekarang, "apa along beli kat mak, itu jugak la yang along beli kat mama." dalam erti kata lain, mak tak nak aku membezakan antara mertua dan dirinya sendiri. aku harap menantu² mak pun akan buat yang sama, akan layan mak sebaik mungkin sebab tanpa mak, takkan ada adik² aku kat dunia nih. amin.

ps - bila dah jadi a mother nih, aku lebih appreciate mak. betapa dalamnya kasih mak pada anak² walaupun dia tak tunjuk. cuma aku jek kena belajar control temper, almaklumla, mak bukan makin muda. adakalanya ada gak time yang mencabar kesabaran. semoga aku jadi anak yang makin baik, dan menantu yang menyejukkan hati

nota kaki - sekadar berkongsi buah fikiran.. bukan saje apply pada menantu perempuan, tetapi menantu lelaki juga....

:: bila dah takde ::

posa dah masuk second gear. tak lama lagi nak raya.

preparation raya, biasa saje. minimal, cukup sekadar menggembirakan hati anak² dan mommy (pastinya) ekekekeke. kuih raya untuk rumah tak beli langsung, sebab tau kuih raya lepas raya takkan laku. so kalau sesapa yang nak datang rumah beraya, insya Allah, ai masak yang fresh² aje. :D

dulu, masa arwah atuk masih hidup, arwah atok rajin sangat masak dodol dengan buat kuih bahulu. kuih bahulu arwah atok terbaeeeeek! crispy at the outer, tapi lembut gitu bila makan. arwah atok penah cakap kat wan (my grandmother), "esok, kalau den dah takdo.. takdo orang nak buek kuih bahulu nih." dan sangat masin mulut arwah atok. we never get to eat freshly baked kuih bahulu from home anymore. sob.. sob.. dodol pun skali skala ada, kalau wan larat nak kacau with her siblings (none of the grandchild tau nak buat). yang still buat till date is lemang & rendang. my favourite rendang would be rendang ayam cili api with pucuk ubi. terangkat!!

bila kenang pasal orang dah takde, i cannot imagine my life without my parents. i don't know how would i live this world if they are not around anymore. yeah, we have our ups and downs moments surely, but no one can take their place kan? rasanya, amal bakti kepada mak bapak terlalu kurang. nak tolong monetarily, they have more than enough. guess, the thing that i should keep on doing, is keep them happy. by any means. buat lawak. surprise birthday party. makan sesama. simple stuff. i takut jugak kalau on the surface my parents seemed happy, but deep down inside, ada benda yang bugging them.

okay la korang. sekadar berkongsi my thoughts on some personal thing. da!

:: from a serabut mind ::

i've not been in the mood of blogging for quite sometime. thanks to the lethargic me and tight schedule. sekadar bloghopping kat beberapa blog wajib baca hari². :D

anyway, ahli keluarga nukelus telah pun bersidang pasal balik raya. tahun nih turn balik kampung my side. so, we'll be heading to n9 first, then baru balik raya dengan in laws. selalunya kalau raya dengan in laws dekat KL jek, this year will be the first raya kitorang akan balik terengganu. erk.. travelling with three lil souljas uols! amek!

since maid ilek, ai pun kena la mempraktikkan segala ilmu systematic domestic management masa raya nanti. mana taknya, dengan 3 boys u can imagine la kan berapa banyak baju mau dibasuh bila balik kl nanti. fuh..

till date, ai masih tak berjaya masak apa² pun for iftar. and in fact, kami belum sekali pun bukak posa kat umah sendiri. alternate umah mak n in laws saje. masak pun sesimple-simplenya untuk sahur.

i notice sejak maidless nih, i got less time to spend with my kids. though housework is managable, tapi anak² didn't get the time they supposed to get from me and OH. makanya, plan utk tak pakai maid rasanya agak sukar untuk dilaksanakan.

okayla people, tuh jek pun update ini hari. mind is too haywired to write nicely and properly. da!

:: bila dah makin bijak ::

scene : dalam kereta. adiq tengah cengeng nak tgk cerita barney but we don't allow him to do so.

adib : berapa kali nak tengok cite (cerita) barney? kan dah tengok banyak kali. CANNOT!

afiq : jangan cakap kat afiq (don't talk to me)

adib : adib tak cakap ngan afiq. adib cakap dengan cermin.

korang nak marah ke korang nak gelak?

ps - anggaplah kesukaran yang dialami sekarang sebagai kifarah dosa yang lalu. moga dikurnia pahala di atas kesabaran mengharung dugaan. amin.

:: alhamdulillah ::

i'm officially maidless last thursday, and ohhhh it's very challenging! bab jaga anak tuh tak terasa sgt as we're used to handle our kids on our own, but the house chores... adoyaiiiii, lembik mak! :P

anyway, alhamdulillah. thank you readers for your prayers. adib is getting better. baru jek habis his tamilflu medication yesterday, and insya Allah afiq pun habis hari nih. adib was down with influenza A, but syukur it was not h1n1. afiq on the other hand, eventhough negative for influenza A, was given tamilflu medication jugak because he's exposed to adib.

one word to sum up when i went through this experience - NGERI! why ngeri? sebab the viruses spread so fast! temperature naik mendadak within an hour. terus starts vomitting & voila! rapid test confirm it was influenza A. and best part is, none of us is sick at home.

okayla readers, blogging off now. nak solat subuh and starts doing house chores.. sigh.. (macam mampu jek nak tengok no. 4 lepas posa nih. hehe)

ps - baju raya mak belum settle lagi.

:: siaran langsung dari wad ::

sedang bersiaran secara langsung dari prince court medical centre. dah 2 nights dah dok sini..

:: the story ::

it was a normal sunday morning, and everybody is excited sebab hari nih nak buat simple birthday bash for afiq & adib. cake semua dah order, tinggal nak masak jek. get the maid to prepare the raw materials, while we brought all kids out to get few other things yang tak cukup.

just before going out, i dok rasa badan adib suam. check his temperature normal. tapi bagi jugakla PCM half dose. then we went out. first destination, tumble tots. ingat nak riki skolah utk kids, as maid is leaving in 2 days time, and i need a way to steam off their energy. skali lalu depan tumble tots tutup. (i ingat bukak)

adib dalam kereta dah macam moyok jek. we decided to drop by at the clinic and get some medicine before we proceed for lunch. kluar dari clinic, (i stayed in the car, bf aidin) OH cakap temperature adib 39. tapi tak tau la exactly berapa sebab dr pakai yang tepek kat kepala tuh.

after clinic beli brg sket for party packs, then terus gi JJ for lunch. sampai kat SR, baru jek nak duduk, si adib muntah. this is the second time dia muntah hari nih. first time masa breakfast. (adib kekadang muntah kalau food is too much in his mouth) tapi masa dia muntah kat SR tuh, i dah panic sebab kaler muntah dia hijau. teringat yang malam tadi dia jatuh kuat and hit his head on the carpet (but it was more than 12 hours)

terus OH decide to send him to hospital. sampai hospital adib dah lembik. and i have three kids with me with only two adults. afiq and aidin was asleep, so OH waited for them in the car while i manage adib's check up.

masuk ER, kena amek darah.. 3 times try baru dapat. but adib is sucha strong willing boy.. he only cried masa the last try, sbb dah sakit sangat kena cucuk banyak kali. they have trouble getting adib's blood sample sbb adib dah dehydrated. darah cepat gila clot by the time sampai lab.

while in ER, dr masukkan suppositary to control his temperature. he felt asleep. dr advise to admit him, but we declined sebab we believed that adib's temperature shoot up because of the jabs.

bawak adib balik rumah, and gave hime a shower. he was ok by then. birthday bash on, with mommy yang tetiba terer gila masak kat dapur. klung klang klung klang, in 15 minutes siap mihun and get the maid to goreng the prawns after i have mixed the batter. adib and afiq wa enjoying themselves so much, and they fall in love with the cake that i ordered.

3.5 hours after getting the suppositary, adib started to vomit again, and this time, it's really bad. lepas maghrib we rushed adib to the hospital, leaving afiq and aidin behind with my mom whom resume the unfinished cleaning at my house after the birthday batch.

this time round, dapat nurse yang agak cekap masukkan IV line pada adib. so one trial settle. lepas tuh terus admit and masuk ward. kena masuk drip. adib's temperature subsided and it went well that night.

this morning, after habis satu bottle drip, nurse bukak drip and let him had his shower. he looks good. makan pun ok, ada appetite walaupun makan benda yang dia tak suka i.e. nasi lemak (adib tekak mat saleh sikit). but tetiba, at around 10-11, he complained of feeling very cold, and i noticed that his hand and feet dah turned blue black. called the nurses in, and check his temp. temperature shoot up sampai 39.2. masuk supp lagi sekali, and dr suruh buat rapid test ti rule out influenza.

starting from that point, we had to monitor him really closely. me n husband takes turn balik rumah. he went home to pick up few things. lepas tuh i pulak balik and bfeed aidin. (aidin tak boleh tido the night before sebab tak dapat mommy's b, siap melalak at 5.00 am sebab mommy takde)

tak lama lepas buat rapid test, it was confirmed that adib was positive for influenza A. dr directed the nurse to conduct another test to determine whether it's h1n1 or not. dr terus letak adib under tamilflu medication, and the ubat tastes YUCKY. lucky we have prepared some yoghurt drinks to kill the taste. result will only be known insya Allah tomorrow evening.

lepas confirm jek influenza A, adib was transferred to isolation room. his temperature keeps on spiking, and dr said it will only be stable after three doses of tamilflu. so skang nih, me and husband kena take turn untuk tido, so that at anytime, akan ada yang sentiasa alert with his condition.

and just after midnight tadi, mak pulak telefon cakap afiq's temperature shoot up sampai 39 deg. abah sent him to hospital. alhamdulillah, after the rapid test, both me and afiq is clear from influenza A. (i terus check sebab dah terasa sakit tekak).

bila dah ajdi macam nih, i and OH terpaksa la split. sorang kena duduk hospital monitor adib, and sorang lagi kena monitor the other two at home. we decided that i'm more needed at home, as aidin perlu dibreastfeed at night, and i can watch over afiq. OH on the other hand will be staying at the hospital to take care of adib.

hopefully, by tomorrow the result will come out and i pray and i pray, that adib is free from h1n1. i've been thinking lately to get the h1n1 vaccination jab, and was about to look for clinics yang dicover by ING for h1n1 vaccination. and after all this high drama, h1n1 vaccination will e on our priority list after adib gets better.

so here goes my 4.38am entry.

ps - note to all, demam adib tak continuous pun, sudden. pagi tuh elok jek main, sihat walafiat. within one hour everything changed. so, to those with kids, take extra care yeah?

:: kids ::

the twin are turning three in 11 days time. time flies fast ey?

we don't plan to make a big celebration, just a mini one, with family members and perhaps few friends. cake ordered (sudah pandai demand nak kek apa!), goodie bags bought, tinggal nak masak and makan² saje.

we agreed on giving them a 'treat' for birthday, aka kasik depa pilih toy apa yang diorang nak as presents.

afiq mintak 'buzz light year yang besarrrr sangat, yang tekan² keluar bunyi' and adib, as usual, takde mende lain, 'thomas'
last 2 days, when i went home after work, tetiba timbul niat nak menyakat si afiq.. here goes the line..

mommy : afiq, tadi, masa mommy dekat office, mommy pegi 'jusco-jusco' (that refers to any mall). mommy carik buzz light year, tapi dah habis...

afiq : (muka dah terkulat². kesian pulak aku tengok)

tiba-tiba..

adib : mommy carik la kat kedai lain.

adoi... ada pulak yang back up!

moral of the story : they are one step ahead of you!

itu le cerita pendek anak² ku..

:: please, please, please ::

i never knew that somenone i know so well lost her first baby at 37 weeks of pregnancy before the baby was born.

cerita dan pengalaman kawan i tuh sangat menyentuh perasaan i, sebab i've been in the same boat, 1 year 8 months ago. gosh.. time flies so fast, it has been nearly 2 years since i last bid goodbye to my late baby boy, abdullah amin fahmi. only if i could be beside her, and comfort her.

so i to all my friends out there, who are expecting, please, please, please, take extra care at all time. most importantly, please count your baby kicks, make sure cukup 10 times a day. if you have any doubt and feels that your baby is a little 'quiet' in your tummy that day, get yourself checked, and ASK the doctor to perform ecg scan on you. don't just be satisfied with ULTRASOUND ONLY.

ajal maut ketentuan tuhan. itu benar. but, please do whatever that you can to ensure you and baby is safe and sound at all times.

so dear sis, if you happen to read this entry, just want you to know, that we are the selected ones to go through this. hugs.

:: loyar buruk ::

'loyar buruk'

:: adib ::
adib : adib nak toy.
us : (pandang adib)
adib : toy.. let.. (toilet)

adehhhhh!

:: afiq ::

scene : dalam kereta, tengah mengamuk sebab tak puas naik LRT.

mommy : macamana afiq nak naik lrt? afiq kan tak de duit. macamana nak bayar?
afiq : afiq takde duit. afiq ada tiket saje.

kena lagik aku!

:: block.. ::

tuan tanah dilanda writer's block syndromme.

ps - birthday afiq adib in three weeks time. tapi celebration dicepatkan seminggu awal to avoid posa. anak² intak kek gambar thomas sama gordon. mommy bukan artistik la darling. nak buat line pun menggelabah carik pembaris. sahih la mommy order saje kan? kan?

:: cer.pen hari rabu ::

went for health screening this morning. alhamdulillah, first round, ok..

fasting sugar level : 4.7
BP : on lower side (i think it was 90/60). i mmg low BP

yang paling best..

current weight : 52.5kg. wooho!

terus rasa berselera nak makan macam².

here's short update on adib.

scene : he was helping me out with some works. kalau tak silap tolong amek barang and passed it to me.

and he suddenly blurted out to me : cakap apa kat adib????

me : thank you adib.

self note : they're human too, depsite being super young. and they too want to be appreciated. so, ringan²kan lah mulut untuk say thank you to them. :)

:: cuti di hari selasa ::

there's an issue bugging my head, and i just hope the feeling of awkwardness will fade away. i think the decision that i've made is for the better future. i hope.

anyway, last tuesday, i was on leave. hehe. sebabnya nak pegi beli baju raya si kembar duorang tu. we head to klcc and park our car there, lepas tuh naik lrt to masjid jamek. we made it short and precise. takdenye nak membelek setiap satu kedai kat wisma yakin tuh. so we just head to two (DUA SAJA OKAY!!) shops and get the shopping done. so dapat la si afiq and adib 2 pasang baju melayu ngan songkok. otw back, singgah one small shop (so okay, that makes three) beli butang baju melayu & kopiah for the two kiddos. price were ok, definitely cheaper than tempah kat tailor. the kids will be wearing pink (hohohohohoho balas dendam 3 tahun x berbaju raya!!) and turqoise (or as afiq said, bi.yu).

lepas selesai main agenda, which is to get their baju melayu, we returned to klcc for quick lunch and to get some comfy shoes for me. i'm not the kind of typical lady yang ada berpuluh² kasut. i jenis beli satu kasut, pakai sampai hancur, lepas tuh baru ganti. the last time i bought my shoes was masa memula tau i was carrying aidin in my big not so little tummy. and i jenis tak reti nak pakai kasut yang sharp pointed sebab asyik nak tersadung jatuh. yes, i bukanla ladylike type. i prefer practical and comfy shoes. head to modernmum (saya tidak mengandung utk makluman) and bought a pair of shoes. nasib baik tak beli pattern yang sama dengan yang sebelum nih. haha. tapi kasut baru ni tak sebest kasut lama la..

tu la serba sikit cerita hari cuti ai masa korang sume keje. ngehngeh. baju raya anak² sama OH dah settle, baju raya ai jek belum. ai punya haruslah survey berjam² kan kasik puas hati?? maklum la, dah 3 tahun tak dapat baju raya.. :P

okay la people, i'm gonna have a long weekend this week sbb ai cuti isnin-selasa. jangan jeles yek.

ps - sudah raya ganti posa.. yabedabedu!! :P

:: ramblings ::

i've been longing to go on short getaway. life has been busy, kids are neglected, works piling up, frowning lines have increased. all in all, i need to destress.

rindu pulak masa2 belajar dulu esp masa buat masters. (yep, to me masters by course is way easier than degree!) kengkadang tuh seangat nak buat pHd tuh meluap2, tapi bila kenangkan what OH needs to sacrifice, i just put it on hold. unless he decides to join me, then it's a totally different story la kan?

kids are growing up well. afiq and adib dah pandai 'nego' when their interest clashed i.e. nak tgk cartoon apa on player. it is extremely sweet bila dengar diorang nego. haha. kecik2 dah pandai.

aidin on the other hand dah jadi macam handbag mommy. he seems to know the time, bila i'll be back from work. masuk jek rumah, baru nak letak handbag and bukak tudung, he'll let out lil cries asking me to pick him up sebab aidin nak memerap. malam2, he has become my new bantal peluk, that he refused to sleep in his cot. aidin is the 'natural family planner'. hehe.

i'll be off from work on tuesday sebab nak cari baju melayu the twin for raya. (i hate shopping during fasting month.. i'd rather stay home unless i dapat 'mc' puasa. i hate the crowds!) hopefully wisma yakin dah start stock up dengan kids punya baju melayu.

okay la people. blogig off now. da!

:: Haruskah Wanita Bekerja ::

i got this beautiful information to share with all from here

Jawapan bagi persoalan ini saya ambil dari buku Untukmu Wanita hasil tulisan Ustaz Zaharuddin. Ustaz, saya pinjam letak kat sini sebagai panduan untuk saya dalam mencari jawapan dan jalan sebenar.

Jawapannya YA!! Islam membenarkan dan mengharuskan isteri atau wanita bekerja TETAPI tertakluk kepada syarat-syarat seperti berikut;

1. Terdapat keperluan yang menyebabkan dia terpaksa bekerja;

*Kematian suami dan memerlukan belanja kehidupan
*Membantu ibu bapa yang sangat miskin / suami yang uzur
*Membantu perniagaan suami
*Mempunyai kemahiran yang amat diperlukan masyarakat

2. Kerja tersebut perlulah sesuai dengan fitrah dan kemampuan fizikalnya

3. Bekerja dengan menutup aurat dan menjauhi fitnah di tempat kerja

4. Kerja tersebut tidak memerlukan untuk berdua-duaan dan bercampur secara bebas dengan yang bukan mahramnya

5. Mendapat izin wali atau suami

6. Kerjanya itu tidak menyebabkan terganggu dan terhentinya tanggungjawab di rumah terhadap anak serta suami

7. Tujuan & niat utama bekerja bukan untuk kegairahan mengumpul harta atau menyaingi kemampuan lelaki

8. Mesti berhenti sekiranya terdapat keperluan dan kecacatan dalam pendidikan anak-anak

9. Digalakkan ia dilakukan dalam tempoh tertentu / sementara sahaja dan bukan selama-lamanya sehingga pencen.

Seeloknya berhenti sejurus suami mempunyai kemampuan menanggung seluruh keluarga dengan baik. Pendek kata, wanita perlu memainkan peranan utama dalam menjaga rumah tangga, suami, anak & keluarga. Suami isteri yang bekerja diterima dalam Islam selagi mereka mamou & bijak dalam merancang pendidikan dan penjagaan anak-anak. Tidak digalakkan isteri untuk berterusan bekerja tanpa sebab-sebab yang mendesak. Jika sekadar untuk bermewah dan mudah membeli belah dengan menggunakan duit sendiri, ini tidak diterima Islam.

Menurut Syeikh Prof Dr Md 'Uqlah, tugas asasi wanita adalah amat besar iaitu penentu dan pencipta kerjaya seluruh manusia (menurut asbab kepada hukum alam).

Ini kerana mereka diberikan kedudukan oleh Islam untuk mencorak segala pemimpin lelaki masa akan datang iaitu dari kecil sehingga dewasa. Malangnya, mereka tidak menganggap besar dan mulianya tugasan itu sehingga mereka mencari kerjaya di luar rumah yang menghasilkan sedikit gaji. Justeru, kembalilah sebagai pencipta kejayaan lelaki dan wanita dari rumah. Ia adalah silibus kejayaan wanita sebenar Islam.

:: SYUKUR! ::

SYUKUR YA ALLAH, SYUKUR!

moga aku menjadi muslimah yang lebih baik selepas 'jihad' itu.

amin.

:: blissful weekend ::

oohh mata ku sangat mengantuk! bukan sebab layan WC ye kawan², tapi si aidin yang cukup cergas di subuh hari. i woke up at 4.30am for sahur, lepas sahur ingatkan nak tido kejap before bangun for subuh, but aidin seems to have a totally different idea, that he keeps me awake to play! ooh aidin sayang!!

i just came back dari kampung semalam. mula² terpikir² nak balik ke dak, sebab kalau tak balik, i have to handle 3 kids on my own, without mak and abah. nak balik kampung, i tak confident nak drive sebab friday noon i kena 'penyakit' lama. tengah drive untuk gi lunch with officemate on friday noon, skali i saw everything is spinning. nasib baik kereta tgh stop masa tuh sebab jam. imagine kalau kat atas highway and speeding at 110km/hr? i just couldn't imagine what will happened to me.

told mak about my condition, and everyone agreed that i'll balik kampung with abah. mak dah balik sehari awal sebab nak tolong my aunty to prepare for kenduri.

kids were so excited sebab nak balik rumah nyang (moyang) diorang. we only pushed off to negeri sembilan at 3.30pm, after abah dah selesai pergi kenduri kahwin in klang. kids behaved well, so did aidin who slept all the way long.

malam tuh ada kenduri tahlil untuk arwah atuk yang dah meninggal 10 years ago. semua orang balik. so rumah wan (my grandmother) penuh la dengan cucu cicit. masak lauk kampung. daging masak lemak cili api, sambal udang petai, ayam goreng, sayur campur. semua masak atas dapur kayu. perghhhh, 2 kali tambah hokay!

lepas tuh, kat kampung sekarang musim buah. especially durian. sangat² meruntun jiwa tgk durian tapi tak boleh makan banyak. (banyak means 2-3 ulas jek pun!!) sebab aidin tak tahan. tak pe. bukannya takde lagi musim durian lagi tahun depan kan?

sunday morning, takde buat apa pun. lepak jek, enjoy the morning breeze of kampung, which makes my mind so peaceful. skali si afiq nih sibuk ajak atok pegi jalan². i didn't want to follow at first,ingat nak amek peluang relaks² dengan aidin, while the elder two enjoy themselves. tapi adib has different agenda. menangis² suruh mommy ikut. so terpaksa la hangkut aidin sekali sbb i takde bawak any ebm.

abah headed to PD, nak bawak cucu² aka afiq adib main air laut + pasir. i was doubtful, as knowing my kids, mereka sangat tidak suka pasir. to them, pasir tuh kotor. kalau ada pasir 2-3 butir dalam sandal pun suruh lap!

ikutkan aje plan abah. sampai PD, beli la sand castle punya toys for them dengan harapan they'll play. rabak 30 hengget!

i managed to coax afiq to step on the sand. good sign. adib on the other hand tak nak. abah paksa adib in a nice way, aka letak pasir banyak² atas kaki dia. hehe.

afiq finally enjoy the open sea. in fact, dia lagi tarik tangan mommy dia yang tak bawak seluar spare langsung! ke tengah laut. selamat lencun seluar aku. adib at that time dah selamat duduk atas kerusi ngan mak. :P

afiq sampai sekarang dok sebut nak ajak main pasir n nak gi laut. kalau tanya si adib pulak kenapa nangis mandi laut, he'll say,"air kuat sangat, adib takut. adib tak suka kotor."

hmm.. bolehla bawak lagi bebudak nih gi beach. tapi mommy dia nak tepek sunblock bebanyak. udah le muka dah sedia tanned, takkan nak ditambah lagi kecoklatannya kan?

ps - kesian anak² bandar bila balik kampung. on the way to umah wan, si afiq tunjuk kat lembu, sambil cakap, "mommy, tuh kuda!"

:: kan? ::

kan best kalau keja ada cuti semester cam masa belajar dulu? kan? kan? kan?

huhuhuhuu, i so want to CUTIIIIIII!

:: announcement ::

rasanya blogger ada problem kot. there some comments that i received (checked my gmail) tak appear in blog. hopefully, they'll rectify it soon.

to sheri and mas, thank you for your wise words!

:: kids are sweet aite? ::

:: cerita adib ::

dia makin 'cheeky' lately. he can be very charming at times, very funny sometimes, and very helpful most of the time. makin suka main 'pretend'.

last few days, i asked him a question. actually the reason i asked him that question is to instill the sense of responsibility in him as a son, bila dia dah besar nanti. it was a very simple question actually.

mommy : adib, kalau adib dah besar nanti, boleh tak adib beli mommy roti?
adib : boleh!

and he continued, cheekily..

adib : kalau adib dah besar, adib dah keja, adib beli mommy roti came rotan. (dia dah sengih²)

mommy : terus bantai gelak sebab mommy selalu tipu afiq adib, cakap mommy dah beli rotan, and letak dalam kereta vios. kalau tak behave mommy bawak turun and give a rotan one each. :P

:: cerita afiq ::

i saw patches of stickers on the floor, and knowing my sons, i could guess it's afiq's work.

mommy : kenapa afiq lekat sticker atas lantai?
afiq : (dengan innocentnya jawab..) sebab takde buku.

adoi!

:: cerita mereka sebagai twin ::

the dialogue goes something like this..

adib : apik, jom la tolong adib. adib tak yayat (larat)

afiq dok mengelat, lari sana sini refusing. adib kept on kejar afiq and pegang² tangan afiq, enough to make afiq annoyed.

finally, afiq gave his reason.

afiq : apik beyak (berak) la.

(and i forgot whether the reason is true or not)

hahahahaha.

kids are sweet aite?

:: a hectic day! ::

it was a very hectic day for me yesterday, that prompted me to take a day off sebab nak uruskan hal anak². 3 medical appointments, 3 different drs, 2 different places. phewwwww.. i just don't know where does my energy come from??

6.30am
woke up, solat subuh and kejut anak². rushed them for a bath and get them ready for dr's appointment. lepas i dah siap, mandikan pulak si aidin, bf him and finally a cuppa of caffein with a slice of bread for me as breakfast. kids cuma sempat minum susu sorang 'sebotol' as breakfast. mommy tak sempat nak masak and maid sgtlah tidak boleh diharap dalam urusan memasak.

8.15am
geared up to hit the road nak pegi pcmc, as appointment pukul 9.15am. kena singgah rumah dulu (i'm staying at mom's place at the moment) sebab kena amek aidin's progress book. dr dah sound last appointment suruh bawak buku. :P

9.10am
managed to brace through the traffic and be on time. afiq's appointment is first followed by aidin. 2 different drs. so mommy macam org frantic lari sana sini selesaikan hal anak. nasib baik mak ikut tolong tunggu the kids.

afiq dari dulu dah kena diagnosed sinusitis. dah about 3 weeks he complained hidung gatal + runny nose in the morning. kesian tgk dia gatal hidung, sampai gosok hidung dekat sofa. OH asked me to postpone the appointment, tunggu dia balik (which might only happen next week). but i tak sanggup la nak tgk si afiq dok suffer in silent and he's the one who begged me to bring him to a dr! dapatla sepakej ubat - nasal spray + anti histamine.

then aidin's appointment is up. aidin pulak is due for his 3 months check up. aidin is now 5.36kg (almost double his weigh already!!) and he is now 58cm in length. aidin is a one happy boy. dok cooing dengan dr and nurses, much to dr's pleasure. masih belum meniarap lagi, so dr asked me to put him on his tummy more often.

11.00am
dah kul 11.00am baru la selesai semua urusan appointment + payment + medication. by this hour, perut dah berkeriuk dah. kids are hungry that we fed them with only biscuits. pegi la cafe hospital dengan harapan nak lunch awal, skali dia kata operation starts at 11.30a.

terus la amek kunci and head elsewhere for lunch. on the way back, singgah wangsa walk mall for early lunch. selesai makan semua, baru la balik rumah.

12.50 noon
we arrived home at almost 10mins before 1.00pm. and i know i have another appointment at 3pm (in TOWN!!!). adib kena jumpa dentist sebab filling yang buat last 2 weeks tercabut. dentist kat situ kasi one month warranty. OH again asked me to postpone that, but sampai bila mau postpone semua benda just to wait for him to come back entah bila.

before pushed off, i breastfeed aidin siap2 and put him to sleep. afiq dah dozed off to lala land, sebab ngantuk sgt. adib on the other hand, kena paksa bangun.

2.15pm
after performing zohor, i made my way to jalan raja laut with adib for his dental's appointment. adib dah complain banyak kali mengantuk. pujuk punya pujuk, i managed to make him stay awake sampai la habis procedure.

4.00pm
we head home finally. by this hour, i was hungry (again!) already. banyak penat ok. banyak guna tenaga! sampai melawati at about 4.30pm. tapi tak terus balik. singgah workshop dulu sebab plat no. dah 2 minggu patah tak repair². sementara tunggu org tuh repair, adib and i had light tea at nearby restaurant and terus tapau for my kids' dinner. mommy dah tak larat nak masak.

5.00pm
sampai rumah, aidin is waiting for mommy already for bf. tapi aidin kena queue. since dia tak nangis lagi, i terus feed adib and afiq with the rice that i've bought. lepas tuh, amek peluang isi my tummy dulu before picking up aidin. bf aidin and later gave him a bath.

6.45pm
it seems sikit jek ekrja yang buat, but it takes a lot of time. by this hour, i haven't perform my asar yet. and i was left with sooo little energy, that i decided i need to just close my eyes sekejap before solat. i was too tired.

lelap sekejap la kunun. sedar2 dah nak dekat pukul 7.15pm. quick shower, solat asar & terus tunggu maghrib.

7.45pm
lepas solat semua, i went upstairs to check on my boys. (rumah my mom terbalik, rooms semua dekat bawah, kitchen + living hall dekat atas). adib dah tido. (dalam hati ok, lega, one down). aidin tgh ngantuk² manja. dukung aidin kejap, tepuk² and he felt asleep. so tinggal afiq saje. amek peluang suruh maid urut belakang sebab rasa strain sgt. mak came to the rescue offer afiq ikut dia gi jejalan tolong distribute durians to my uncle.

8.45pm
i haven't perform my isyak yet, but i decided to sleep first. sangat² memerlukan tido. woke up in between hours to afiq's happy voices balik dari ikut my mother & to aidin's little sound of sucking his thumbs - a sign of dia nak mintak susu (dia jarang nangis mintak susu memalam nowadays. only sucks his thumb sampai berbunyi dengan mata still lelap. tapi jangan mommy tinggalkan dia. automatic mata dia terbukak and nangis. kuat oo magnet!)

12.34 midnight
i don't know why, i selalu terjaga at this time. bangun la ngan mata terpisat². since tahu masih berhutang solat, terus bangun and perform my isyak prayers.

4.30am
alarm dah bunyi. maknanya time untuk sahur. i masih ada a few nos of days to go. aidin tgh bf lagi. so let him do his business first before i finally woke up at 4.45am for sahur.

4.45am
panaskan nasi (ye, saya dah fed up nak suruh maid tolong saya time sahur) and had my meal. punya la tak selera. masa nak sahur, dah siap² angkut aidin naik atas sebab kalau tak i yang kena lari turun naik tangga sebab aidin very sensitif kalau mommy takde kat sebelah. (mom's house 3 storey. dapur atas sekali, and my room bawah sekali)

5.20am
settle makan sahur. si aidin b*rak la pulak. siap muntah susu sket. so kena ganti baju segala. tapi still he can senyum², sengih² kat mommy. sejuk hati.

5.30am
try tidokan aidin balik sambil breastfeed aidin. amek epluang lelap² manja.

6.30am
up and rise. harus siap pegi ke opis.

skarang - teringat kata dr semalam, for the sanity of your family, have some time off for yourself. and i wonder, how am i supposed to do that when you're the only one who run things out.

teringat masa borak with the dr smalam, when i asked her (she's a single mother for many years), how did you do it?? she said, i just do it, BUT i take a weekend off once a month, NOT from work but from the FAMILY.

hmm..

but as kak hani said to me, mothers never quit. i still have to run the race.

ya Allah, give me the strength.

ps - i lost 3.3kgs over 3 weeks.

:: happy 0.25years aidin! ::

3 months ago, at this hour, i was preparing myself to be cut up. 'cake cutting ceremony' to take lil aidin put of my tummy.

happy 3 months old sayang, and thank you for being such a darling. and thank you sebab selalu teman mommy sahur pagi². yep, eating nasi while mendukung 3 months old baby during wee hours can be very challenging.

:D

i love you sayang. i love you even more day by day!

:: andai ::

andai ini ujian dari Mu ya Allah,
berilah aku kekuatan.

:: aduhai anak.. ::

afiq : mommy, malam ni apik tido came mommy. malam esok apik tido came daddy.

aku dah mengah nak menghadap statement anak² yang rindu kat daddy.

kalau la mommy ada byk duit sayang, i'd buy daddy's time so that you will get all the attention and love you deserve.

sabar la anak mommy, mommy sendiri tengah sabarkan hati yang dah hilang sabar.

:: dumping site ::

awatla aku nih selalu jadi dumping site?

kat rumah pun dumping site.. kat opis pun dumping site..

tertekan hokkay!

:: unattended question ::

i left afiq to sleep with a question unattended.

mommy sendiri have no answer to that and mommy sendiri dah letih nak tanya. ntah la afiq. mommy sendiri tatau what should we expect in the near future.

* mode : hati kering

:: tazkirah ::

i read this from my friend's status;

The first duty of love is to listen

and she got it from tazkirah at IKIM.fm.

so, kalau kita tak dengar, maka kita tak cinta??

:: my daily routine ::

sejak beranak tiga nih, i don't know what time does my routine start.

assuming my routine starts at 5.30am, i started my day bf aidin, sambil ambil peluang lelap² manja. my alarm will tick off at 6.00am. lepas susukan aidin, normally i'll just wake up and have my shower. subuh, etc, terus pergi keja. masa tuh dah around 6.50am to 7.00am.

depending on traffic, and how fast i drive, i normally reach office at around 7.30-7.40am. so there goes work. bla bla bla bla. 3 hourly akan express bm, with each session lasted for 10mins. sejak aidin came in, i jarang betul balik lambat. normally 5.05 - 5.10pm, i dah punch out and rush balik, sebab aidin's feeding is at around 6.00pm.

sampai jek rumah, letak beg segala, normally, i'll be greeted by aidin's little cries asking for milk. will breastfeed him, and normally evening feeding takes a bit longer, especially if i puasa that day.

lepas feeding, i'll give hime a bath. and all that normally ends at around 7.00pm. if i fast on that day, akan tunggu maghrib dulu and buka puasa, lepas tuh baru maghrib and terus tunggu isyak. normally, i get to perform my maghrib at 8.00pm, after settling the kids, dan i akan terus tunggu isyak sebab kalau tak isyak dulu, alamatnya pukul 2-3 pagi baru i solat. that's is the ONLY me time that i get at home, beside shower and doing no. 2 of course.

after isyak, i'll gather all three boys to sleep. while breasfeeding aidin, i try to connect and bond with my other two kids. and off we doze to lala land.

bila malam, i'll wake up 5 times on average, (3 times if i'm lucky), mixing milk for the twin (yup, my twin masih bangun malam mintak susu) or the need to change the diapers for aidin as well as the twin. the twin sangat suka bukak pampers while sleeping, and i haven't start potty training them fully.

i know i'm under great pressure. i know i need to have my me time/time off. but with current schedule and so, i can't even find time to eat, that sometime, i just sleep with an empty stomach.

so tell me, am i stressed or am i stressed?

perhaps, i need more desserts and desserts..

:: of cupcakes and movie ::

last saturday, i brought my 2 lil kids to watch toy story 3. nasib baik, at the very last minute, my mom agreed to follow. kalau tak, agak haru biru jugak la. mana nak pegang anaknya, mana nak pegang pop corn dia, handbag mommy dia yang extra besar..

before i cerita what happened, lemme tell you something. my kids takut gelap. and adib takut bunyi kuat (which i totally forget!)

masa memula masuk cinema, they were kinda excited. ok. good sign. i sat in between the twin. so that senang nak monitor. gave each one of them a popcorn bag. :D

afiq nampak cute gila. dia pakai cap, sambil duduk peluk popcorn bag, while tengok the movie. i was so into afiq, that i terlupa nak intai how adib is doing.

i was expecting adib to enjoy the movie more than afiq, sebab dia suka tgk kartun, unlike afiq yang ada shorter focus span. after about 5-10 mins the show started, i gave adib a glance, and his eyes caught my eyes. muka dia dah cembeng² nak nangis. nampak jek mommy tengok dia, terus HUWAAAAAAAA! adehhhhh..

terus cepat² pick him up and put him on my lap. peluk adib to calm him down. he calm down a bit. and he ended up on my lap till the end of the movie. adoi. sekali-skala in between the movie, he still nangis. tengok cartoon pun ikut hujung mata jek, as he practically put his head on mommy's. (adib jiwa agak sensitif. tak bley cakap kuat² dengan dia, or he'll break into tears. and afiq sangat suka jerit kat adib, as he knows adib will cry!)

but all in all, i'm proud of myself, that i survived the 90 mins movie, with minor incident, and i too get to enjoy the movie. 2 thumbs up for toy story 3! (i love the barbie and ken part. budus! ;p)

so that's our saturday.

sunday pulak was spent quietly at home, as abah used my car pegi kenduri kawen. baked some cakes, much to the boys pleasure. paling kembang kuncup bila dengar anak² cakap, "mommy, cake nih beyyyiiii (very) nice!" wallah!

spent the day with the three kids. memacam perangai dah sekarang. afiq ngan adib memang tengah lasak teramat, so at times, agak mencabar kesabaran. (imagine diorang pegi angkat semua sofa and campak dekat bawah ikut tangga?? and all my abah could say is "afiq, adib!! while tepuk badan sendiri??) yes, my abah has a soft spot on his cucu that never existed on his kids. :P

aidin on the other hand, cukup suka bangun time pepagi subuh, ajak mommy borak & main dengan dia. he'll sengih², coo and give me a big charming smile that automatically buat aku hilang ngantuk. the power of child. (lepas tuh kul 9pm mommy's eyes dah macam kena gam, tak boleh bukak!)

btw, i bought this instant tea mix - longan kering with red dates. (sebab aku tak jumpa longan kering). to my amusement, it tasted pretty good, and seem to work well. tengok la 2-3 kali test lagi. kalau ok, i'll just buy the ready made punya la... hheehheeh.

okay la. tuh jek nak cerita. take care all. bye.

ps - i seem to sound happy in this entry, many thanks to my friend's advice. you know who you are. it's hard, but lufe has to go on. chill.

:: toy story 3 ::

mahu membawa anak² bujang menonton cerita nih:-



pic from google.

memang kamikaze la aku esok. imagine bawak twin boys, 3 years of age masuk wayang sengsorang? behave la kome.

* crossing my fingers.

:: cerita afiq dan adib ::

:: kisah adib ::

scene 1 : in the car, was driving to office and he tagged along as he had an appointment with the dentist. i hit a pothole and he said, "mommy bawak kereta tak careful!"

erkk.. terdiam..

mommy : sorry adib, mommy tak buat lagi. ;p

scene 2 : we were walking back to the car hand in hand after the dentist appointment.

adib : mommy, mommy beli la keta mecedis (mercedes).

mommy : (gelak besar) adib ingat mommy banyak duit ke nak beli keta mercedes??

:: kisah afiq ::

scene : he was on the phone with his daddy last night. (siap mengiring bercakap dengan daddy dia, and mommy jadi mangsa pegang tepon for a good 15 mins sambil pejam celik pejam celik mata sebab dah mengantuk)

afiq : daddy balik bila?
daddy : (i don't know what he answer.:P)
afiq : nanti kejap lagi daddy balik?
daddy : (i don't know what he answer.:P)
afiq : daddy balik pukul berapa?
daddy : (i don't know what he answer.:P)
afiq : daddy balik pukul catu? (satu)

guess he misses him a lot.